Safe
by Zosie
Summary: Formerly Safe In Alternate Arms. Fully written, updated 3 times a week if anyone's reviewing to indicate reading this. Has the usual HEA for the usual couple but it will be a long and rocky annoying ride before that happens.
1. Chapter 1

**JUST BRINGING MY TWO 'ORPHAN' STORIES HOME, SOME OF YOU HAVE ALREADY READ THEM.**

**Safe**

**Chapter 1**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight Stephenie Meyers does. Now the real disclaimer. For anyone here because they read my stories at Zosie where Ed and Bella always have a Happy Ever After and there are often quick fixes if the story begins with them apart, and you like that lighter stuff, stay there and don't read here. This is a separate user for a reason. This story will not have a quick fix, so don't ask for one. It will contain people with fucked up lives, and human tragedy and a disturbing cat story. You have been warned.**

**Safe In Alternate Arms**

Chapter One

BPOV

_For some people, life is like a big adventure, and they scurry along their life path, pausing at alternate detours and maybe even follow a dead end and end up someplace they were never meant to go, but for all that, it's exciting. It's filled with unexpected thrills and people they never imagined they would meet and maybe they get so distracted from their real life path, they forget to return, and instead they make the best of where they end up._

_That's not to imply they can't be happy there._

_They do say we have seven soul mates so chances are, maybe this one is just as good for you as the one the Universe had in mind originally, anyway, had you stayed on track._

_That's how it is for many people. They meet a few of their seven and maybe one sparkles a little more than the others, and even though he may not be as good for you as a less shiny new toy, you hitch your cart to his and head off to a great adventure into the unknown._

_Good luck to you, I say._

_Me, I have known my soul mate and my life path since...since time began. I can't put a date on it because I have always known._

_Where my other six possible matches are is completely irrelevant, because I know the path I will walk and the man I will love and spend my future with and nothing else matters._

_I love him already, and he loves me._

_We were destined to be together and nothing can change that fact._

"Bella, Edward's here," my father Charlie says, standing at my bedroom door. I close my Diary and put it inside my bedside drawer.

"Okay. I wasn't expecting him today. I'll be right down."

"You might want to get changed," Dad says gruffly and I look over my outfit in surprise. I have on the usual sweat pants and cami I always wear when just hanging out in my bedroom; which will soon be empty and hopefully converted into a guestroom that a visitor would want to stay in.

I'm seriously considering delaying my departure to the city long enough to do the makeover myself. Let's just say Charlie is great at coming up with plans and colour schemes and ideas for how great various rooms in his house could look with a little money and effort spent on them, but he lacks the drive to follow through.

I want to come back here now and then, to visit.

It's just the thought of my soon to be husband and I, crammed into this tiny bed I've slept in since I graduated out of a crib, being forced to lay here and see the memento's of my childhood tacked to the walls that horrifies me.

My Mom may have escaped being trapped here in Forks forever but for me, it's been a long struggle to make the same move and I guess as much as I want it to happen, there's still some pull to remain in the safety of the familiar.

Nope, no way. I want to go. I want to live in the city. I want the freedom and anonymity it will provide. I want to walk past people who won't make eye contact and won't care what 'Police Chief Swan's daughter' is up to.

I've had a lifetime of that already and it was my years away at college that introduced me to a different way to live. The simple joy of having strangers barely glance at me when I was rolling drunk, out with my bff, and know nobody would dob to my Father was just heady. I felt like a grown up.

If Jacob hadn't been here, waiting my return, I sometimes think I would have simply phoned my Father and told him to pack up everything I own that I left behind and ship it to me at NYU, because I would take one of the job offers at one of the large, glitzy, amazing magazines that had offered me a career..

So,instead, frustrated and and helplessly hating my Fate to have to always have to live _here,_ in this Hellhole, I'd come home again myself after graduation, and prepared to resume my mediocre life in this mediocre damp, dank, dark little town.

And then a miracle happened.

The morning after my reunion with my beloved.

He was in no hurry to go back to the home he shared with his father, Billy, on the Res.

Instead, Jacob was helping me unpack all my awards and letters of recommendation from my tutors, and assignments I'd kept out of sentimentality, not because I'd need to add them to my CV to secure a job on Forks only newspaper, and he saw the letters offering me various futures far brighter than any lived here could possibly be.

"Bells, really? Metropolitan Magazine Monthly offered you a job? I hope you accepted."

I grimaced.

"The commute from New York to Forks is kind of long. Even if I got a little studio apartment there, what would be the point? We've been apart for four years, Jake and I'm sick of it. I don't want us to be a long distance couple any longer. It's over. We lasted, against the odds, and now is the beginning of forever. I never want to sleep in another bed that you are not sleeping in beside me."

"Then let's both move to New York," Jake replied, grinning.

"Oh, if only it was that simple," I growled. "If only we could afford to do that."

"We can," he said , catching me into his rather large, muscular arms. "Sam's company has succeeded far past his wildest hopes and he's offered me a contract to work with him in the Big Apple, for the next five years."

To say I was struck dumb is understating things badly.

I thought my brain was playing tricks and my hearing had been compromised. I thought I was listening to the voices in my head and they were saying the words I longed to hear, rather than what my soul mate was really saying.

"Say that again," I said, reigning in my exuberance until I heard the words for a second time.

"Sam wants me to go work for his Ad Agency in New York for a minimum of five years."

"Oh My God," I almost screamed, throwing my arms around his shoulders as he lifted my body and smashed my lips against his.

"Is there a reason you didn't tell me this yesterday when I got home?" I asked, unable to believe this news was not the first thing he had said to me after the kissing and hugging at the Bus Station.

"I wasn't sure what you wanted to do. You downplay how amazing you find New York so much, I was starting to believe you were sick of living there and you wanted a simpler life here, with Charlie."

"No way in Hell," I cried, crying real tears of hope and joy.

We were getting out of Forks!

It was as heady as if we had just avoided a life long prison sentence and instead, were free.

"I can't believe this. How could you ever think for one second I'd want to live _here?_ Seriously, Jake, what have you been smoking? The only attraction I ever felt to Forks was the fact you lived practically on our doorstep. I want to get out of here. I want to be a city slicker and stand on line, instead of in line. I want to be able to walk out my apartment door at any time, day or night, and be able to buy a meal or a coffee and be around people. God, I want everything that city has to offer. When are we leaving?"

Needless to say, I took the job with the magazine and I start in one short week. We had planned to go to the city together but then Sam needed Jake to go early, so he had.

"Bella, I'm sure Edward has better things to do than to wait all day for you to come downstairs," Charlie hollered.

I decided not to change clothing after all, it wasn't as if Edward hadn't seen me dressed like this a thousand times.

We'd known one another since his parents moved here from Boston just in time for him to begin High School. I'd never figured out why he seemed to love living here, because I was pretty sure nobody else did.

Apart from Charlie, but let's just say my Father is different to most humans and somehow settles for less than practically every other person in America.

He _loves_ Forks. He _loves_ the rain and the green, and the forest. And the lack of decent shops, and the fact we have a diner and not a restaurant. And that the only tourists who ever come here are the ones who got lost on their way to somewhere else. Somewhere better.

He would never move unless the entire place burned to the ground, and there was no tiny town of Forks left, though, I suspect, even then he would stay here and rebuild it.

"Hey Edward. What's happening?" I asked as I skipped down the staircase.

"I just heard you and Jake are moving to New York. Tell me it's not true."

I laughed a laugh so joyous it left no doubt in his mind. It was true and I was thrilled.

"How did this happen?" he asked, looking both lost and bewildered.

"Sam's 'silly little business that he didn't think out properly, considering how many Ad Agencies have gone under since the economic downturn' has gone against the odds and flourished. And he's asked Jake to go work with him."

"But what will you do?"

I snapped my fingers on both hands and did my happy dance that Edward was very familiar with.

"I got hired by Metropolitan Magazine. I'm their newest reporter and columnist. Yes, Cullen, I am that good and finally somebody noticed my talent."

"Wow," he replied, a little flatly. "That's great,of course. I always knew you had what it takes to bowl them over and I bet you are Editor in five years time. But New York? It's so far away."

"Hmm," I agreed. "It is. You will have to come visit us whenever you get the time. So, are you going to work with your dad at Forks Hospital, like you always planned?"

Edward is almost a doctor. He's done all the doctor training stuff already and he managed to finish it two years faster than the other medical students he enrolled with. Now he just has to do the Residency thingey, or whatever it's called. The bit where he works on actual patients and cops the blame whenever anything goes wrong and somebody dies.

I'm proud of him. Proud of my best friend, for achieving so much so fast.

"I start in two weeks time," he answers.

xxxx

Edward and I shared an apartment in New York while we went our separate ways and he did his doctoring and I did my journalism-ing, and we barely ever saw one another, in truth, because Edward was Hell bent on cramming and reducing his medical degree to match the four years I had to study.

Weirdly, I don't think he liked the idea of living there alone if I left first. He'd have no trouble replacing me, there must be a thousand prettier girls in the city who would give their right arm to be his flatmate. Although he is fuck hot gorgeous, he doesn't ever take advantage of that fact.

Sure, he notices girls, but he never dated the whole time we lived together, because every spare second was spent studying.

Come to think of it, he never really had a girlfriend in High School, either. Jessica Stanley used to pretend he was her boyfriend and he did accompany her to school dances and such, but I never saw them so much as kiss. She was willing, we all know that; Jess had a reputation of being very friendly and willing to various male students; but Edward always looked like he was only there with her out of politeness; because his Mom raised him to be a gentleman. Unlike all of Jess's other suitors, he wasn't with her for what he could get from her.

He'd never been regularly overcome with lust like the rest of them.

I even suspect apart from that one incident we had both sworn to never reveal to any other living soul on the planet, that Edward has never slept with anyone else.

xxxx

He was my first, and I was his, technically. It hadn't meant anything, apart from the fact that naive, unsophisticated eighteen year old Bella Swan should not drink Vodka Cruisers, because although they may taste like pop, they are lethal. You can't detect that there is any alcohol in them, but after six or so bottles, they do have an effect and Edward kept warning me to slow down and drink water between drinks, like he was doing.

The other girls at the party were so much more worldly than I was, and I felt like a small town hick beside them. They all had the right clothes and the best shoes and purses and even the few that did speak to me and let me join their conversation soon blanked me when they realized I had no idea Manolo's were a whole world more desirable than Chuck's.

Or that the new Louboutin's had just been released, and I wasn't sure what a Louboutin was.

Alcohol helped, as back after back was turned on me and eyebrows were raised. Like they thought I was suddenly struck deaf as they huddled and looked me over with distaste, and whispered to one another.

"Is she for real? How could anyone not know who Christian Louboutin is? What rock did she live under? The man is a miracle worker. Of course, I dare say judging her dress, she hasn't got a trust fund or a private income, or even a rich Daddy. Poor thing. I bet she's here on '_scholarship'_.

Charity case. That has to suck so bad."

Edward pulled me away and took me back to sit beside him.

"Ignore those bitches. The only way they'd get into any college was if Daddy paid for a new library or something. They haven't got the brains to recognise a person's real worth is not measured by her bank balance."

They didn't seem to be judging him by his money, although they'd have been shocked if they knew just how wealthy his father Carlisle really was. They definitely were judging him by his amazing looks instead. I guess you can be poor so long as you are exceptionally good looking.

We sat there together but alone, not daring to chat about our 'hick' hometown, so limiting the conversation to how we each liked our new classes, and the professors that taught them.

Every time some girl came up and started flirting with Edward, I'd sneak away and grab another Vodka Cruiser, and down it as fast as I could, then stash the empty before he caught me. He'd come find me and shake his head like he was my Guardian Angel or something.

None of what followed was his fault in any way. It had been one of those things that just happens when you don't have your wits about you. We stumbled home from the party arm in arm, trying to keep one another upright and out of danger as cars whizzed past on the road we were attempting to cross.

Edward had been a little tipsy as well, and Jake was too far away and New York was big and new and strange and scary and we managed to get home to our off campus apartment and somehow things just got out of hand.

We started kissing; correction: I started kissing him, just being silly and we were suddenly clinging to one another because we didn't actually know another person there yet, and he actually tried to push me away and told me to remember who I was and behave. I have never liked males telling me what to do, so I pushed him back and he fell onto his bed and I fell onto him...

I remember just wanting him so badly. Wanting somebody, anybody, to hold me and love me and tell me this had been the right decision. We were so far from home and everything seemed overwhelming. The only thing safe and familiar was Edward.

He was there, and suddenly that meant more than all the years of dating Jacob.

I should be ashamed of myself, but I assure you, my conscience was entirely absent that night as I tore at Edward's clothes and freed our bodies so we were both naked. He didn't resist a whole heap once he realized he had a needy naked woman straddling his body, exciting parts of him nobody but his parents had seen before.

Hopefully they'd never seen him in that urgent, lusty state.

I was yet to even see my boyfriend naked, so Edward's body was a revelation to me, and I liked what I saw, and reached out to touch with my hands. He may have mumbled and pretended what we were about to do was wrong, but once I lowered my lips and tasted him, he wanted to do everything as much as I did and he surrendered.

It had been kind of raw and primal but at the same time, Edward somehow managed to hold himself back and keep things sweet and gentle. He even said pretty words and kissed me a hundred times while he was inside me, like it really did mean something to him, and he didn't just think I was some whore who couldn't save herself for the man she loved.

Afterwards he led me to the shower and washed away the blood I had not been expecting. He explained it was nothing, just something that sometimes happened during a girl's first sexual experience, then he led me back to his bed and held me in his arms all night long. In the morning he thanked me for my 'gift', assuring me no matter how it had come about, he was actually proud and even happy to have been my first. And he never got impatient when reality hit me and I wept against his chest and hated myself for what I knew I had done. I had been reckless and selfish and it was all my doing. I'd cheated Jacob out of the one thing he really wanted.

We talked about it and he agreed to swear nobody would ever know. Edward Cullen and Bella Swan were still untouched as far as the world was concerned.

It was silly and long forgotten and I'd managed to fake still being a virgin the first time I went home in a break to visit my Jake, so no harm done.

He thought he had deflowered me and what the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't grieve over.

Edward and I had never spoken of it again, and he'd congratulated Jake and I on our mutual cashing of our v cards like the rest of our friends had, and all was well with the world.

xxxx

"I knew you loved the city, I just didn't know you had plans to go back there," Edward said, puzzled.

"The only reason I had no plans to stay was because I never imagined Jake would get a job there and now he has. It's perfect when you think about it. Okay, I was resigned to making the best of things back here, and being employed at that joke of a newspaper, but suddenly everything has changed, Edward. It's like I have my cake and can eat it too. I only ever came back because this was where I assumed Jake would always be and just being with him was enough to make me willingly sacrifice all my career hopes and dreams.

Now we can have it all. I'm so fucking happy! I never knew it was possible to feel so filled with hope and joy about our future."

"I am happy for you, truly."

"You don't look it," I replied, taking one of his hands into my own and gazing into his emerald green eyes.

"Edward, I'm getting so much more than I ever expected. I'm getting the perfect man, in the perfect location, in the perfect life. I'm so freaking lucky. Be glad for me."

"I am glad for you, you deserve everything you ever wanted," he stated, lifting my fingers to his lips and kissing them gently. He reluctantly let my hand go and pulled me into a bearhug instead and I felt him softly kiss the top of my head. "I just don't know what I'm going to do without you," he whispered.

xxxx

"So, I had this idea," I said, wriggling free from his embrace after it went on long enough to turn awkward.

"What idea?" he asked.

"I'm going to paint my bedroom and make it look like a grown-ups bedroom so when Charlie has guests, they don't think he is assigning them to sleep in a teenager's crack den or something," I laughed. "Want to help me?"

Okay, I wasn't blind. Edward was my closest friend bar none. We'd shared a place for four years; he wasn't ready to let go yet. But if we did this makeover together, maybe he would get sick of me and be glad when next week arrived and I left town.

"Do you have the paint and stuff?" Edward asked, seeming a little cheerier.

"Nope, but I know where we can buy it. A little store called Newtons."

It was the only store in this town to sell paint and so forth, and I had worked there weekends while still at High School to save up money for college. Even though Edward had no such need, with a rich Dad and all, he had gotten a job there as well and we'd become close as we unpacked supplies in the stockroom and sat together in our coffee breaks, and thus when college loomed, he'd asked me to be his roomie. I couldn't even afford a dorm, in reality, so he unknowingly made it possible for me to have further education.

Carlisle owned the apartment, and although it only had one bedroom, Edward insisted I had to have it because I was a girl, while he slept out in the sitting room, which was large and airy and his bed didn't look that out of place. Student housing is full of beds crammed into weird places just to get in an extra student to help out with the rent.

It wasn't like either of us had friends to bring home anyway.

We'd sat together on his bed every Friday night, eating take away and watching some dvd on the one night Edward didn't study. In Winter, we were wrapped in his expensive down Continental quilt that made my own seem like nothing more than a thin blanket.

I had so many fond memories of us, it would be weird for me too, to live so far away. especially as New York had been a place I had lived with him and not with Jake, so many places would bring back memories. Edward had insisted we go and explore different parts of the city every Saturday morning, so it wouldn't be like we only ever saw NYU as our total experience there.

We had favourite eateries, and book shops where we'd found wonderful rare treasures, and preferred clothing stores where reasonably good quality clothes didn't cost an arm and a leg like they did in the big stores.

Edward bought me a new outfit every birthday, so by the end of college I had four city dresses that contrasted markedly against my other clothing.

xxx

"I'll drive," Edward announced.

Charlie was just about to leave in the cruiser and go do his shift, so that was useful. No parental interference about our colour scheme.

Mike Newton rushed to greet and serve us when we entered. Mike's parents owned the store and he was okay for a small town boy. He'd always given Edward and I the same shifts because he knew how nervous I got about new experiences, so having my Biology table partner work when I did was helpful to us all.

"Bella, is it true? Are you and Jacob leaving town? Like, forever?" he asked, looking crestfallen. I guess Mike counted Jake and I among his few friends that he really cared about, not just because we had all gone to the same schools together in our childhoods and teens.

"Yep. In a week's time, I shall be moving to the city. Jake's there now, Sam needed him to start last week because he landed some massive new account. They will be looking for an affordable apartment for us after work. There will not be many of those."

"Carlisle's place is empty. I'm sure he'd be happy to rent it out to you," Edward said quietly.

I wanted to jump at the chance to accept but wouldn't it feel kind of odd, living there with Jake this time, instead of Edward? But beggers can't be choosers


	2. Chapter 2

**Safe**

**Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight Stephenie Meyers does. Now the real disclaimer. For anyone here because they read my stories at Zosie where Ed and Bella always have a Happy Ever After and there are often quick fixes if the story begins with them apart, and you like that lighter stuff, stay there and don't read here. This is a separate user for a reason. This story will not have a quick fix, so don't ask for one. It will contain people with fucked up lives, and human tragedy and a disturbing cat story. You have been warned.**

Safe

Chapter 2

EPOV

Bella's bedroom looked great but the stink of paint ruled out the possibility of her sleeping in it tonight. We'd gone with all snowy true white, for the walls, ceiling, and trims and although it looked a little cold and clinical, I knew that would change as soon as she furnished it.

Bella loves colour, but she likes a blank canvas to work against.

I could see she was considering different ideas of how she would decorate as we painted, and she seemed to be considering then rejecting a lot of schemes.

"Don't break your brain," I warned her as she paused and frowned, her eyes glazed.

"Hmm?"

"Bella, it's white. Anything will work. You could use all white furnishings even and it would look awesome. But then, any colour at all with also work. It's not worth getting frustrated over."

"I want Charlie to like it enough to leave it however I decide to decorate it."

"I don't see a problem. He's been saying he will redecorate this room since the first time I visited it in High School Freshman class. If he hates it, you know he will spend minimum five years talking about changing it before he acts."

"You are probably right, Cullen," she laughed, looking relaxed at last, as she shook her paintbrush so tiny flecks of white littered my old Tshirt. I grabbed her wrist and took the brush from her and laid it down on the drop sheet. The atmosphere was thick with tension and I could easily name both types. She was thinking of how long we had been close friends and she was going to miss me.

I was exuding the same vibe, only stronger.

She would have Jake by her side, and I would have nobody.

Friends and family count, sure, but not in the way Bella counts and I guess, the truth was, even if every student I'd ever seen at Forks High suddenly wanted to become my bosom buddies after she left, I would still feel alone.

The other tension was purely sexual and as I held her close, she finally looked up into my eyes and they were smoldering as much as I could feel my own were. She closed her eyes and inched her lips closer and I quickly kissed her cheek and let her go, so she half fell to the floor.

"We should eat. Some place that does not smell like wet dog," I suggested lightly. "Whatever Newton's are adding to their paint makes it smell worse than the original smell."

I stripped off my Tshirt and smirked inside as her eyes opened and stared at my chest.

Why yes, I have been working out, thanks for noticing.

I slowly pulled on a clean black Tshirt and reached for her hand, to pull her onto her feet.

"You look different," Bella commented, her hands reaching to explore my abs through the fabric.

"Well, you know how it is. Emmett works out like a demon possessed and he insists he can get me a body just like his if I follow his instructions. I'm going to need something to attract the girls. Clever brains do not get you women these days. They want someone with a body worthy to be at their side."

"Edward, how shallow of you. And here's me thinking you had come through four years in the city completely unchanged."

"A man has to do what a man has to do," I replied glibly.

Bella tore off her own paint splattered shirt and dropped it on the floor before grabbing a clean one from her closet. I pretended to be inspecting the western wall for places we had missed as I watched her out of the corner of my eye. Sure, I'd seen quite a bit of her body over the years we'd lived in the apartment. I'd seen her many times, rushing from the bathroom we had shared, wrapped only in a bath towel. I'd made very sure to only ever buy the regular sized towels, and hide the larger more luxurious versions Esme had sent in her care packages, because there was no way I wanted all that silky creamy skin swamped in one of those enormous bath sheets.

Of course, now and again we'd accidentally walked in on one another in the shower; such incidents happen when nobody bothers installing a lock on the bathroom door, but neither of us had ever been bothered. Many times Bella had cleaned her teeth at the sink while I tried to hide the state she put me in by appearing in the steam filled room as I stood naked under the water.

And we had been naked together that one time, so it kind of removed any chance of awkwardness in the years that followed.

Once you have seen someone completely nude, what is there left to see and be embarrassed about?

"I'm ready," she announced and we headed out to my car. Bella wrestled to pull her hair brush through her hair as she sat in my passenger seat and I laughed at the new colour scheme on her head.

"That should save you having foils done for a while. Half your hair is snowy white," I joked.

Bella had struggled to follow the lead of the 'cool' girls and spent many hours being tortured in the best salon she could afford, having highlights or whatever added to her already perfect hair, just to follow the trend.

"Oh great," she growled, angrily attacking her tresses with the brush. "Just what I need. Returning to the Big Apple looking like some hick house painters apprentice. That should lose me any cred before I even walk into Metro Mag."

"Let's go see Esme. She will know how to fix this," I suggested. My younger sister Alice and her second best friend Rose had created many disastrous hairstyles on one another's heads over the years and Mom had always fixed them.

Rose was a regular fixture at our house, but I'd never been quite sure if it was because she and Alice really were great friends, or whether Rosalie Hale just liked being in the orbit of my older brother. Soon there was little doubt as she paraded her wares in the tiniest bikini's and she regularly seemed to lose the top few buttons on her body hugging blouses.

Emmett was not immune to her charms but he had joined some group in High School, and the members had all sworn to abstain from sexual activity until they were married. God knows the family had laughed about that promise, and considered it a complete joke because Emmett had been attracting girls left and right since puberty, however, he had proved us all wrong. He had found a different outlet to use up all that energy when he joined the gym at fifteen.

At the time, we were both tall and gangling and seemed to have little potential to ever change, but once again, Emmett had surprised us.

These days he would look at home in a Mr Universe contest.

We had a standing joke that I was the guy who got sand kicked in my face at the beach by my own brother.

Carlisle always rewarded effort and he had handed Emmett the keys to the very gym where his body had been transformed as his graduation from college present five years ago. Since then, my bro has started many scrawny boys from Forks on the road to physical beauty themselves as he demonstrated just what can happen to an unlikely frame with the proper diet and exercise.

Jacob Black was his best success so far. While Bella and I studied in New York, Jake had been transformed almost as amazingly as Emmett himself had been.

And all he had was weekends to do it in.

Jacob had attended SeattleU for various reasons, but the main ones were the fact he won a full scholarship to attend and he didn't want to live too far away from his wheelchair bound father.

So, he drove home every Friday night and Billy encouraged him to split his free time between being with him, and attending Emmett's gym.

And the pay off had been worth it.

I had watched Bella become a little more impressed each time she saw Jake again in breaks, as he transformed from a too tall, too lanky adolescent to a powerhouse like his mentor. And now my bro was promising me the same results.

I was skeptical, of course, but if muscular bodies were what turned Bella's head, then I wanted one. I do not delude myself she will ever choose me over Jake but I still want to see that same look in her eyes for me as she had bestowed on him each time he appeared a little more buff than last time she saw him.

"Oh my goodness me," Esme said, as she opened the front door and immediately saw what painting a ceiling had done to Bella. "We need to move fast, before it completely dries. Edward, make some coffee, Bella and I will need it."

Mom's hair salon was situated in the little stone guest cottage down the back behind the house, so she hustled Bella away while I headed for the kitchen to make coffee with the better coffee machine. There was one in the salon but Dad was a coffee addict and regularly updated the in house machine so it would always make the more superior brew.

By the time I arrived in the salon with a tray of fragrant ambrosia, Bella's hair was wrapped in a Saranwrap turban and covered in something green and nasty looking inside. She looked petrified, no doubt having now seen the extent of the disaster in the multiple mirrors in this room.

"Maybe I should have added something to this," I chuckled, handing her a cup.

"Jake will be so mad if your Mom has to cut my hair off to fix this mess," Bella said worriedly.

It was no means the first time she had expressed her need to be 'perfect' to gain her boyfriends approval.

Jake apparently had a standard code Bella needed to comply with to keep him happy. Like, she had to keep her waist at a particular measurement, so that meant she could rarely indulge in anything other than health foods.

Many times I'd teased her by eating handmade Swiss chocolates in front of her under my quilt while we watched dvd's in the NY apartment. Apart from her birthday and Christmas, she never succumbed to eating any but the first time I did it was just days after we had slept together, so I had suggested if she let me kiss her, she would still get the taste without the calories.

I'd watched amused as she had battled with her conscience and came to the conclusion she had already let me do worse than kiss her, so this lesser crime was somehow allowable.

So, for four years my lips had kissed hers even more than Jake's had, I would wager.

I'd watched them together when we came back in breaks, and he almost always only kissed her as a reward for something. If she pleased him , he kissed her. There were never any spontaneous bursts of affection and I felt her humiliation when she forgot herself and forgot the rules and tried to kiss him when something had her excited or happy.

Jake would do this frowny look and she'd immediately back off and calm down again, and sit there at his side silently, like some well trained spaniel.

I will not even try and deny that I didn't take full advantage of his attitude, and I kissed Bella for anything and everything, or even, for no reason at all. When we attended college football games, I kissed her every time either side scored a point.

When the hero in the movie rescued the fair maid, I kissed Bella in celebration.

When she got excited because she scored a higher mark than she expected in a test or for an essay, yep, lip locking went on in our apartment.

We celebrated sunny mornings, and birdsong, and simply the fact she was settling in and finding her place in the city.

I did study into the night most nights but when she needed an escort on her arm for any event, I was there, holding her hand or putting my arm around her shoulders or waist.

And kissing the top of her head if that was all the occasion allowed.

I know most of Bella's fellow students assumed we were a couple, and I liked that. Bella never felt any obligation to share her private business with any of them, and Jake had never come to the city to visit; he preferred that Bella went back to Forks, so there was no reason for the girls to realize I was just the friend and not the boyfriend and lover.

Of course we had almost been caught many times back here, when she forgot and ran to me for her kiss when something made her happy and if nobody was around, I always obliged. Emmett had witnessed a few incidents of this kind and had given me the 'thou shall not covet your neighbours wife' look but she was not anyone's wife yet, and until she is, I will covet her constantly.

I'd walked in on him barely sticking to his vow of chastity when he had Rosalie in his arms many a time, so we wordlessly entered a pact to both keep our mouths shut.

Mom stood back and clucked as she dried Bella's hair and we could both see whatever she had hoped to achieve had not happened.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but I will have to trim some of the stubborn bits away. There is no other answer. I think it will suit you anyway."

Bella sat like a deer in the headlights as Mom carefully cut and trimmed and shaped her hair into a style I, too, thought looked gorgeous on her. The shorter tendrils around face framed it prettily and I could see she liked it but was just too worried about Jake's reaction to actually admit Mom was right.

"Tomorrow I can add some red highlights to cover the bleached out bits, I don't want to cut too much off, and then another deep conditioning treatment, and nobody will suspect this was anything but a deliberate, pre planned change of hairstyle. You have such a pretty face, Bella,your hair is secondary anyway."

Bella glanced up at my Mom in surprise and even suspicion, because if there was ever anyone who did not see herself clearly, it was my Bella.

"You had better sleep over here then," I suggested. "Not that sleeping in your bedroom is an option for a week anyway."

"Oh, you didn't buy that new paint from Newton's, did you?" Mom asked in obvious dismay.

"I know Michael Snr swears the additive cuts down on paint fumes and the usual odour, but the stench of whatever he adds is enough to make you gag. Carlisle painted about half the rooms in the house one day and we had to sleep down here in the salon for over a week once the true smell invaded at twilight. It's weird, you don't notice it until you are done, then it's just awful.

Bella,you really should call Charlie and warn him to sleep over at..."

Mom stopped suddenly and blushed to the roots of her auburn hair.

"At Billy's?" Bella finished for her and my Mother tried to pretend that was what she meant to say but I can read her like a book. Charlie Swan had been sleeping somewhere apart from his own bed while we finished our final year at college, it seemed.

"I should go and get ready. Carlisle has to attend a fundraiser and I need to be ready to leave by seven," she babbled. It was barely five and she could be ready in ten minutes if a last minute invitation caught her unawares. There was no way she needed two whole hours.

"There's food in the fridge in the kitchenette if you want to make dinner for yourselves," Mom added before fleeing.

Bella and I inspected the contents and decided we could rustle up something edible between us.

She started on preparing vegetables while I made a meat based pasta sauce, and she was unusually introspective as she worked.

Finally, she turned and faced me.

"Esme was not going to say Dad should sleep at Billy's, was she?"

"I don't know, I've been away in New York for four years," I replied, earning a swat from Bella."I don't know who is sleeping with whom."

"I think it's time Emmett fessed up and tossed that stupid celibacy bracelet away," Bella replied unexpectedly. "I'm all for convictions if they are ones you can abide by, but it's ridiculous in the circumstances."

"And what circumstances would they be?" I asked.

"Rose is having his child. I don't think when this baby emerges with his black curls and blue eyes that anyone will believe it's a case of immaculate conception."

"I'm going to be an uncle?" I replied, more pleased at that fact than angry my brother had not confided in me the way Rose clearly had in Bella. It was time for some new blood in the Cullen clan.

"Rose is just worried she will end up with a bad reputation if Emmett doesn't put his hand up and confess. If everyone rules him out as the Baby Daddy, then it will look like Rose sleeps around, and you know she would hate anyone to think that. She saved herself for so long for your brother, he needs to stand by her and admit his will was weaker than he hoped."

"Isn't everyone's?" I muttered. Don't get me wrong, I have no regrets about sleeping with Bella that one time. I just wish it had led to her breaking up with Jacob and paving the way for her to be with me instead. To me, we are an obvious couple. I don't begin to understand why she thinks Jacob Black is her One and Only.

I would be so much better for her than he is.

I love the real Bella, and don't want to change her.

He wants to mold her into what he perceives how she could be if she would just obey him.

The stumbling block is, and always will be, the fact that Bella truly loves him, with most if not quite all of her heart.

Even after what we did, she did not consider for a single minute that it was a sign that we should be together. All she wanted was to be intimate with Jake as soon as possible and to manage to fake that he was her first.

She would have been devastated if she had not pulled that charade off satisfactorily.

The attention to detail had even blown my mind. For two weeks she researched endlessly online, reading what other girls' first times had been like and decided on the most usual scenario.

Thus she went to his bed when the very first signs of her period appeared and the next morning there were the expected streaks of blood on her thighs and the bed sheets.

She'd stiffened up as he pushed inside her and cried out as he 'broke her hymen' and asked him to stop for a moment then reluctantly agreed he should 'just do it' while she bit her lip and endured the pain of being deflowered.

I'd hated hearing the story from her lips, as it was nothing like the real event.

I had not hurt her at any stage, and she had not cried out or asked me to slow down. She'd been as into it as I had been and it had been amazing and wondrous and I hated the lies, however necessary they were for Bella to be able to live with herself.

The real first blood had shocked her because there had never been any painful tearing involved.

Her second 'deflowering' had taken away much of the magic of the first, and as it had been the best night of my life so far, so I resented what she had done and it still hurt inside knowing she was ashamed.

We had done nothing wrong. There was no ring on her finger, no promises said out loud. She may have been born knowing Jake was the only man for her but she was quite alone in that conviction.

Emmett had seen the girl that waited outside the gym, and seen them kiss as Jake went to meet her, and I bet anything Bella had no idea this raven haired beauty existed.


	3. Chapter 3

Safe

Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Chapter 3**

Safe

Chapter 3

BPOV

"_Dad, house stinks of paint fumes, sleep elsewhere."_

That should do it. I do not know where he will sleep but I sure as Hell am not going to ask.

"_Not a problem,"_ appeared the answering text.

I closed it and my wallpaper photo of Jake showed. His dark eyes seemed to look into my soul.

"I could just take a photo of my hair with my phone and send it to him. Or do you think it would be better to wait until he sees it in person?" I asked Edward. For the first time in my life, I was finding it hard to not sit staring at myself in a mirror.

Normally, I would not even consider this layered look a disaster by any means. Esme had managed to keep the overall longness and just snip off painted locks at all random lengths and in many ways, my hair looked better than when it had all been just long and boring.

"Bella, you look beautiful and if he can't see that, then he's a bigger fool than I think he is already," Edward replied, sipping his coffee and putting his feet up on the occasional table.

We had been watching a dvd but I couldn't stop running my fingers through my hair and panicking.

"Don't be mean. I have never understood why you dislike Jake so much. What has he ever done to you?" I growled. I do realize I may have a rather idealized image of Jake because I love him so much but Edward's obvious dislike was completely unwarranted. Jake often spoke nicely about him.

He credited Edward with being like a big brother to me, especially when we were living in the city together. I think Jake thinks much of the reason I never played around on him was because Edward was there, keeping me on the straight and narrow.

In reality, no other man had ever measured up to Jake and I believe the adage is, if you intend cheating, then you upgrade and cheat with someone better than your boyfriend, and there is nobody like that anywhere.

I don't like to think about the one bad thing I did to Jake but anyway, it wasn't truly cheating.

When you cheat, you deliberately choose to go be with somebody else, and you know what you are doing is wrong. There's usually planning involved, and lies and deception and false alibi's.

When that incident happened, it was just circumstances. There was no pre planning or intent.

Neither Edward nor I had ever considered sleeping with one another, and we were not harboring secret feelings or desires, it had been an accident, almost. Had we not been drinking, had Jake called me while we were walking home, had Edward not pushed me away...

I mean, the chances against it happening far outweighed the chances it would happen, it was just the way things suddenly overwhelmed me.

All those girls hated me and knew I was not one of them and never would be. The things they were discussing may have well have been spoken in a foreign language for all I understood. They spoke in brands rather than using words a normal person would use. How the heck could I know what 'my Manolo's' meant? And Andre's Lobster Claw?

Anyone would comment how much they enjoyed eating lobster, bought straight from the fishing trawler, surely, when somebody said that.

But no, it seemed they were custom made shoes.

Obvious, right?

Not to mention Balenciaga Cut Outs.

Even when some girl took pity on me and explained they were some desirable designer boots she had managed to secure barely worn , I'd mistakenly assumed she had bought them second hand because she couldn't afford them new.

The entire circle of girls had looked at me open-mouthed.

Finally, the one called Tiffany-Amber had managed to splutter an explanation.

"They are famous. Made only for on the runway. Twelve pairs, that's all that exist in the universe. Brittany was so lucky to find a pair. They are not second hand, they are blessings.

Brit owns a pair of shoes that only eleven other women will ever own."

Yes, I had two feet and they were both firmly wedged in my mouth within five minutes of that conversation beginning.

I'd wanted to die right there on the spot, or at least run out and buy a ticket and go home to Forks and Jake and stop pretending I would ever fit in in the big city.

Edward had possibly kept me from jumping off a building, seeing there are no convenient cliff tops in New York City.

Even when I decided to buy myself a decent purse so my shabby bookbag would not look so ridiculous compared to what those girls carried, I just didn't get why the more expensive they were, the more hideous they appeared to be.

That season the 'in' colours were lime green or orange.

How impractical would it be to buy a purse that went with one single outfit? How many people actually wear lime or orange clothing?

Edward had pointed out a more useful denim bag but as it was housed in a glass showcase, I got the idea it was not in my price range.

"I'll buy it for you, if you want it," he said, while I stood there debating if I would use it enough to make the purchase worthwhile. Then the haughty salesgirl almost choked when I asked the price.

"You do realize it's a Louis Vuitton Tribute Patchwork bag? There are only twenty available in Europe and Asia and only four here in this country."

"He really should have made more. I think it's quite pretty. They'd probably sell quite well if they were readily available," I answered.

Her face went a shade of purple no human's is ever meant to be.

"I hardly think you have $42,000 to buy this one," she stated, turning away and missing out on seeing me choke in turn.

I hustled Edward out of there before he did anything ridiculous, like buy it.

"I could have a brand new car for that," I growled. Then I caught his look. It seemed Edward did not think cars in that price range were worth buying.

Jake was so right; people who grow up with money really have no idea of the real world.

I wanted to go home and squeal in delight over something normal, like I did when Jacob bought me a fifty dollar gift card from the best lingerie shop in Port Angeles for my last birthday.

Alice Cullen had almost spoiled that for me.

She'd frowned as I passed it around to be admired and said "You would think he'd have chosen something himself, not given you a gift card," but I thought it was romantic.

I was going to miss Alice, even so. We'd shared a lot of fun times together in High School, and her sleepover parties had been quite legendary in our town. Rosalie was always invited, but that was only to be expected, as her family had been the richest one here until the Cullen's moved in and downgraded them to second place.

The mystery was why Alice had befriended me as well. I had no money to splash about like she had, and my car was more of an old truck Jake and his Dad had given me for my sixteenth birthday. Jake rebuilt the engine himself, and he was proud to mention that fact to anyone who would listen.

Normally, anywhere else, I would have been too young to drive it, but with Charlie being Chief of Police ( all seven of them) , I guess I was the youngest driver in town. I did legally pass my test when the time came, and get my licence but although Charlie was normally a stickler for obeying all laws, he wanted me to learn to drive competently here in this small town with little traffic before I left home for college and drove in the big, dangerous city.

Of course, he couldn't afford to buy me a good car, but the truck was fine. Quite sufficient to my needs.

Emmett called it The Death Trap whenever he was home from college while we attended Forks High School, , but it got me from A to B even if it did look a little shabby in the parking lot where Edward's Volvo made everyone else's cars look just unworthy.

And that wasn't his 'good' car; oh no. He has this sleek silver thing in the garage and he rarely ever drives it anywhere. I think he is keeping it to take his bride away in on his Honeymoon.

He did take me out for a drive once and okay, it was a sweet ride, but it even smelled expensive, you know?

I did wish sometimes that Jake drove something a little prettier than the VW Rabbit he rebuilt himself, but now he is in the city, Sam has leased a BMW for him to use so that's cool. It's all about image in New York.

"So, bed?" Edward said, turning off the tv as the credits of the dvd rolled by. I could not even tell you what the film had been about.

"I guess so," I replied, and we walked hand in hand back up to the main house. The night sky was filled with stars. You miss stars when you are in the city but here they are beautiful.

"I adopted that star there, right next to the big one, and had it named after you," Edward stated,

pointing skywards. "That way, no matter where you are, you will always be with me here. I'm going to miss you, Bella."

"I'll miss you as well," I replied hurriedly. It was the truth. I've never been away from him for any length of time before and he is so much easier to spend time with than Jake is. I'm not speaking badly about my Jake, but he can be a little tense and highly strung at times. God, my hair! I'd forgotten about it for a while.

Edward leaned in and kissed my hair and I tried to stop shaking. I just don't know what Jake will say or how he will react. Maybe he would prefer it if I got it all cut short and started growing it again from scratch? He doesn't like it when I change anything apart from the things he suggests himself. I just know he is going to be angry.

"Calm down. I think you had better sleep in my bed with me. I can't leave you in the guest room shaking like a leaf."

Edward was completely trustworthy. I knew that. How often had I fallen asleep on his bed in the apartment? He had never tried anything on, it had been my fault alone that one time.

He stripped to his boxers as I took off my Tshirt and sweats , and then added my bra to the pile.

"Could I borrow a Tshirt ?" I asked Edward, standing there with my hands covering my nipples.

Edward might have exceptional self control but we all know I don't always and if he gazed at my breasts with any form of lust I might forget myself again. I'm so unworthy of Jacob that it amazes me constantly that he even wants me.

I pulled the shirt on and it came to past my thighs, of course, due to Edward's height, and climbed into his bed with him.

Yes, I agree, it would be ridiculous to spend a night in any other guy's bed and not expect it to end _that way_ but Edward is different. He is my best friend and he just doesn't act like some panting dog on heat around girls.

If that night had never happened, I suppose it is possible I may have wondered about him, and his sexual preferences, but truly, I know he likes girls.

He likes me.

Okay, he is taking his time before he starts dating but like he said, he would never have kept any girlfriend happy while he was studying. He truly had very little spare time and with his duties helping me out whenever I needed a partner, just when was he fitting in a girlfriend as well?

I understood. It made sense to get educated and settled into his career before he started playing around or searching for his One, but I suspected she was closer to home, anyway.

He loved everything about Forks, and really missed it, while I was the opposite.

He crossed the days off the calendar that last year with mixed emotions. He liked it in the city because he had created a lifestyle of sorts for us so it was an adventure. But he missed his family and familiar faces. Not surprisingly, he had made no attempt to make new friends of any kind in NY.

"What's the point? We will go home and never see them again. Everything I want will be right there in Forks with me."

He must have a particular girl in mind but truly, I had no idea who she was. I thought guys couldn't help themselves and always had to mention the name of whoever they carried a torch for just to hear themselves say her name.

Edward didn't even mention Jessica.

I didn't actually think she was the one, but who else had he spent any time with, between coaching me and teaching me to swim and just hanging out at his house with Rose and I?

It wasn't Rose.

He liked her fine but he had an aversion to girls with blonde hair. The one time I considered a major change and wanted to go blonde, Edward had started to sound like Jake.

"Bella, your hair is perfect, please don't ruin it. With your complexion, blonde is just wrong. I have always preferred brunettes. And I thought you were avoiding attracting any more attention to yourself from the students here. You will be the butt of their blonde jokes."

He was so worked up, I could only imagine how Jake would react, so I stayed boring brown.

xxxx

His bed is of course, large, longer than most, wide and comfortable. Plenty of room for two.

And I was technically the first girl in it, lol.

I turned towards him and he put his arm around my shoulders so I could snuggle against his chest. It felt harder, more muscled. I traced little hearts on it with my finger and wrote "IS loves JB" inside them.

"Do you think Jake will forgive me?" I whispered.

"Bella, you are not going to tell him?" he replied, sounding shocked.

"I think he will notice the minute he sees me, actually," I reminded him and he looked confused for a moment, then he laughed.

"Oh, the hair thing again. Sure, how could he not forgive you? I'd forgive you even if you shaved your head and dyed it rainbow."

I wish Jake was that easy to please.

I slept, safe in Edward's arms, but I kept dreaming, and none of the outcomes were happy. Jake would be mad, and I knew it in my heart.

I had been reckless and had not thought through what I was doing and now I had probably spoiled our reunion next week. Jake would be angry and cold, and not kiss me, maybe not for weeks until my hair grew back.

"Hey, Bella, it's okay. I'm here," I heard Edward say soothingly sometime in the night.

"What happened?" I asked, but I knew the answer.

"You were freaking out. You kept yelling and weeping and I thought I had better wake you up before my parents burst through the door."

"Sorry," I mumbled, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"You are wrong, you know. You are good enough for Jake. The real question is, is he good enough for you?" Edward said quietly in my ear. I shivered and he pulled me in closer to his body.

I knew what was going to happen this time and I made no effort to stop it. I have no excuses. I guess I'm just a bad person. I wanted to feel like there was someone on this planet that loved me, and Edward does love me, as a friend.

"Edward, we may never see one another again, who knows? If Billy dies, Jake will not ever want to come back. Your Dad has warned us plenty of times that Billy could go at any time, with his heart issues."

"Don't even think about that now," Edward replied. "I can't cope with the thought of never seeing you again. I know we are meant to be part of one another's lives in some way."

"But it might happen," I insisted, needing an excuse.

He started to protest again so I put my lips over his and kissed him longer and harder than we usually kissed. His hand started rubbing down my arm and I snuggled in closer and pulled the tshirt off over my head.

"Bella," he cautioned me, and I could feel his indecision. Did he want to edge away, or did he want to stay and besmirch himself further?

"Please Edward. Sometimes I think you are the only person who sees me for what I am, flaws and all, and doesn't hate me for that. Make love to me, as if you loved me. Just this one time."

If he hesitated, I would jump out of his bed and leave and sleep on the front porch of our own smelly house rather than have to look into his eyes and see pity or disgust there.

"I do love you, Bella, more than you know," he replied, and I pulled down his boxers and found him ready.

"God forgive me," he sighed.

As he moved inside me, his lips on mine, his hands in my hair, I finally accepted the truth. I could feel it in his touch. I could hear it in his heartbeat. Edward did love me. Not just as a friend as I loved him, but really and truly.

I was a worthwhile person, even if it took something this wrong for me to realize this.

The only strange thing was, this did not feel wrong.

It was nothing to do with Jake and I; it was entirely separate. I never had to beg Edward for affection, he gave it freely. I never had to do special things; be special, for him to take me into his arms or his bed and worship my body with his.

Life is so fucking unfair. Why couldn't it be him? Why did my heart belong to a man who didn't love me half as much as this one did?

He brought me over the edge with him and we lay together, me locked in his embrace and we both cried. Not because this was wrong and we had been bad, but because it should be different.

X~x~X

EPOV

I knew what I was letting myself in for and I wasn't wrong but one thing surprised me. It came as a shock to know Bella regretted as much as I did that she didn't love me. I knew I would take whatever scraps she ever offered me and I really didn't care that I would pay for it later if it meant she was mine for however short a period of time.

Maybe my conscience was absent, because the fact we were cheating on Jacob bothered me not at all, but then, I have never liked him and I have loved her since the first day I saw her.

_Alice and I were in the office at Forks High School, waiting to be given our timetables and maps of the school, something that made us grin, because this entire school could have fit in a single science block of the school we had come from. We were pretty sure we knew where everything was situated, and when Mrs Goff insisted we needed a guide to show us around, I almost said it really wasn't necessary._

_Alice had given me the 'behave, be polite, just say thank you' look she had perfected, no doubt after years of training from our Mom, who had regularly used that particular look on Emmett and I when we were kids._

"_Bella, could you come to the office and show our two new students around?" she said into the office phone. "Yes, TWO new students, Dear. Oh, a pretty little brunette girl that you will adore and a very tall boy with lovely eyes..." She paused and coughed as my sister tried to hide her amusement._

"_Just come to the office now, please."_

_She put the phone down and became incredibly busy. I knew I had an effect on females of all ages and I loved it. It promised me such an amazing future._

_Girls were still something I had not yet felt any great need to try and keep company with. I was into baseball and football and team sports and my brother had won a football scholarship to college so I wanted to concentrate on following in his footsteps. Girls would still be around when I got to college and had time for them._

_I had plans, big plans, and those plans included a lot of girls I would not meet here in Forks._

_Small town girls were not my thing._

_City girls?_

_I'd listened to the stories Emmett's various friends had related when they visited our Boston house in college breaks. Over a few beers, down in the converted basement, I heard things no sex education class would ever cover._

_My brother may not have chosen to spread his seed far and wide but his friends certainly lived a wild life and I could hardly wait to do some of the things they talked about so excitedly._

_It seemed city girls were very welcoming and knew how to make a man feel right at home._

_No doubt Emmett and my Mom would be ashamed of me, but I found the whole 'saving yourself for the girl you love' theory completely outdated, and anyway, most marriages seemed to last about five minutes these days so what was the point?_

_Nope, just wait, my college days would involve me living alone in Dad's New York off campus apartment where Emmett had lived like a monk, only I would have a revolving door installed to make it easier for the girls to come and go._

_Edward Cullen was going to be quite the ladies man and playboy._

_Eventually I suppose I'd have to let go of this good life I planned and settle down, but the idea of only ever sleeping with one girl for the rest of my life after marriage?_

_I wasn't even sure that would be possible._

_Maybe I should not marry until I was forty._

_Alice glared at the smirk on my face. She could not read my mind, how could she, but the darn girl always seemed to know what I was thinking._

_She had better not choose the same college as I would because she would not be cramping my style and if she lived in Dad's apartment, I would be getting a dorm._

_With a revolving door._

_xxxx_

_It was an unseasonably warm day for Forks but of course, we didn't know that yet and were fooled into thinking maybe the place was not as damp as we had heard. The sun was shining, there were no clouds in sight and this was the third day of the same weather in a row, ever since we arrived in town._

_Mrs Goff turned on a large metal fan and stood there letting the breeze reduce the red blush from her cheeks, as Alice elbowed me in the ribs._

"_Good old Edward, always unsettling the ladies," she grinned._

_Oh, she hadn't seen anything yet. I would be unsettling many a lady when the time came._

_Then there __**she**__ was and suddenly everything went silent and my vision tunneled. My whole world narrowed and she was all I could see. She was with another student, a boy I could barely acknowledge the existence of; beside her beauty, he was nothing._

"_No thank you, Mike, and please stop asking me. And tell Eric and Tyler that I still have no interest in dating and anyway, Charlie would shoot any boy who came calling. Okay? Save yourselves some bullet holes."_

_She tossed her long brown hair back and laughed and it sounded like angels._

_Then she crossed the path of the fan and I could smell her aroma. She smelled like nothing I had encountered before. Like wildflowers after the rain; like fresh bread, and salt air at the beach_

_and like roses._

_Alice growled and I realized my ribs were bruised from her continual elbowing._

"_Edward Cullen," I stated, and the angel smiled and glanced at Alice who was laughing._

"_I actually asked you how you were liking Forks so far but it's good to know your name," she said with a grin, taking the hand I offered._

_I almost lifted hers to my lips but Alice saw what was about to occur and stamped on my foot._

"_Edward, in case you were struck deaf as well as dumb, this is Isabella Swan," my sister related as we walked out into the fresh air._

_They walked, I stumbled, barely remembering how it went. Right foot, left foot._

"_Bella, please. Just Bella."_

"_Well, Bella, Edward and I have come from a school somewhat larger than this, shall we say and we don't really need a.."_

_Nooo, Alice!_

_I stamped on her foot this time._

"_It would be great if you showed us around," I finished for her._

_Bella laughed. "That should take about 35 seconds. And that's if we go the long way."_

_I had no more idea where anything was after the tour but I knew already that I had just met the girl I would marry. Was she even human or was she indeed an angel fallen from above?_

_My plan dissolved in front of my eyes. It grew blurry and disappeared._

_My head spun._

_Something was wrong here._

_No country girl was changing my life plan._

_I'd met a lot of girls and many of them had been instantly captivated by me but it had never happened in reverse. I'd always just been polite to them and endured a lot of ribbing from Emmett, about how I could be a Young Casanova if I so chose, because he knew I had no intention of joining the group he had made his promises to._

_No way._

_I was not wasting my youth by making stupid vows of abstinence. I'd fully intended test driving a few girls before settling down and getting married. I knew I'd never have a problem finding willing girls to oblige me but suddenly all that seemed like some stupid childish plan that I had instantly outgrown before I even so much as kissed a girl._

_I could almost see the last vapours dissipate._

_Fuck, I wanted to fall to one knee and propose._

_Clearly this Bella had induced some form of madness in me._

_I struggled to appear normal and kept a smile, or maybe a grimace on my face._

_My sister looked like she may just wet herself, she was so amused._

_I would never have believed my parents could be so right, but they both firmly believed we all had an ideal someone out there waiting for us, and I had just found mine. All I knew about her was that she was named Bella and she lived up to her name. She was beautiful._

_Not pretty, not attractive, not amazing, but all of those and more rolled into one. Perfect._

"_So, Bella," said Alice, giving me a sly sidewards glance. "Do you believe in love at first sight?"_

"_Absolutely. I met my Jake when we were infants, and I've grown up knowing he was my One," she replied._

_Wrong, wrong, wrong, echoed inside my brain. She was mistaken._

_Alice looked worriedly at me and I winked at her and held up three fingers. Our code._

_In three weeks, three months, three years...nuh...three months max, Bella Swan would have forgotten who the heck 'Jake' was and would be mine. Forever._

xxxx

My timeline was a little off and eight years later I had still not managed to make any real headway towards breaking them up or making Bella mine. I had never lost focus and I had become her best friend, after Alice pointed out that was the way many great romances in history had begun.

All I had to do was make myself the person she would always turn to when things went bad, like, for instance, if the wonderful Jake fell down a rabbit hole or got abducted by aliens. Then Bella would turn to me for comfort and I'd be there for her.

And, in time, she'd forget we were friends and move us on to something more.

"Like sex with one sided love? " the demon in my head asked.

Part of me wished I had turned her down and slept on my couch, but the other half was already plotting how to spent the final six nights she had left here making love to her again and again.

Maybe...

I mean, I knew it wasn't going to change anything; not really.

She'd keep loving him; I'd keep loving her and maybe none of the three of us would ever truly be happy.

Or maybe they would be happy, even worse, and it would be me alone who never knew the unconditional love of the woman he adored.


	4. Chapter 4

**Safe**

**Chapter 4**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight Stephenie Meyers does. Now the real disclaimer. For anyone here because they read my stories at Zosie where Ed and Bella always have a Happy Ever After and there are often quick fixes if the story begins with them apart, and you like that lighter stuff, stay there and don't read here. This is a separate user for a reason. This story will not have a quick fix, so don't ask for one. It will contain people with fucked up lives, and human tragedy and a disturbing cat story. You have been warned.**

Safe

Chapter 4

BPOV

Esme stood back and I held my breath. She had admitted she really had no idea how red streaks added to hair that had been covered in paint then paint remover, would fare.

They were the large patches that she couldn't simply trim away or I'd look rather odd.

"Actually, it's lovely. Better than I even dared hope," she said and I breathed again.

"It's really beautiful. The sun picks up the highlights and makes them really shine," Edward commented from the lounger he was laying on beside the pool.

Okay, we long time residents had all had a bit of a laugh when the Cullens became the only household in Forks to pay money to have a swimming pool installed but they had the last laugh. Carlisle knew some builder who built these amazing outdoor pool rooms where the roof retracted and opened up on sunny days and the side walls could be opened right up and folded back as well. Of course, much more often than not, the roof stayed put and the walls stayed closed because they needed to keep the heat inside, not let the cold from outside invade.

And it had a heating system that kept the water at the same temperature all year round.

I for one, thought the pool was amazing. I loved sitting in the spa corner, watching the others swim laps and race against one another.

Our only other choice was the beach at La Push and let's just say it's a place you mainly get to walk along to show off your latest pair of sheepskin boots and matching jacket. One can live here and never need a bikini, because they are not compulsory under a wetsuit, and that's what the surfers and people who swim there wear.

When this pool was installed, I could not actually swim. There had never been any need or occasion to learn. It wasn't as if I ever went out fishing with my Dad in his boat.

Then Alice announced she was having a pool party and I panicked and tried to make up a reason as to why I would not be attending.

xxxx

"_You can't swim, can you, Bellarina?" Emmett boomed, laughing as I stood there, frantically trying to make up an excuse that someone would believe._

"_Of course she can. She's almost sixteen, who can't swim when they are sixteen?" Alice replied on my behalf._

"_It's just that my Gran..." Dammit. They all knew she had died six months earlier._

"_That's right, you told me at school that you had to go visit your Gran's best friend on Alice's birthday," Edward lied._

"_Oh bummer," Emmett said, walking off, losing interest now he knew he couldn't tease me._

"_Alice, come up here and help me tie up my bikini," Rose yelled from Alice's upstairs bedroom window. Edward laughed and looked at Emmett, who decided he really needed to stick around after all. He got himself a drink and spread a towel across a lounger and sat down with his feet up, waiting for the Rose In A Tiny Bikini Show to begin._

"_I can teach you," Edward whispered, taking my hand and leading me to the new flower garden his Mother had made, pointing to flowers as if that's what we were talking about._

"_How can you? Emmett will sit and watch and tease me," I protested._

"_Then come at night. The pool's heated, the room is too. It makes no difference what hour it is."_

"_Can we start tonight?" I asked nervously. Alice's birthday was only five weeks away and let's just accept I will never be on any Olympic Team. Sport is just another word for torture to me._

_So our lessons began._

_Edward bought me a bikini of my own, having taken one glance at the hideous one piece Dad had decided was fitting for a nearly sixteen year old virgin to wear. I think whoever designed it was making sure whoever wore it stayed a virgin forever. That would be why Charlie chose it. He'd given me several excruciating 'talks' about abstinence and the joys of saving oneself for their honeymoon, in the very distant future, and how so many girls thought their first boyfriends were the One, and gave him the 'gift', only to discover that was all he'd been hanging around for anyway as he disappeared into the night afterwards and became 'too busy' to call._

_I would need to leave the tiny blue two piece in Edward's bedroom so Charlie never found it, mind you._

_Edward seemed to have endless patience and he never complained as he stood there in waist deep water , holding my horizontal body up on the top of the water as I flung my arms around and tried to remember to kick at the same time._

_I don't think anyone has ever laughed as much as the two of us did those nights. I would appear to get the hang of it, then suddenly I'd find myself on the bottom of the pool and Edward would be diving down to drag me up again. It seemed not everyone could stay afloat after all._

_In the end, he decided he would attend the party, despite the fact so many 'giggling girls' would be there annoying him, and stay at my side in the pool 'just in case'._

_I did not get to drown on his watch._

_Jake was invited but he had a major problem with the Cullen's being rich and he was constantly telling me they only invited me because they felt sorry for me, seeing there was no way the Swan family would ever own a swimming pool, which hurt even though I knew it wasn't true. They did like me. Nobody forced them to endure my company, I only ever went there when I'd been specifically invited even though every one of them, from Esme to Alice, and of course, Edward, had assured me often I was welcome anytime._

_Jake made such a big deal about how he would be cross if I went to the party even though he was not going, that I think I would have gone even if I hadn't wanted to._

_There was no way all those swimming lessons were being wasted. That had been the whole point of having them, but I could hardly tell Jake I'd been sneaking to meet up with Edward after he left our house after dinner many nights. I never thought Jake was Dad's favourite person, to be honest, but he was always polite to him and didn't attempt to sabotage our romance. In fact, he encouraged Jake to visit frequently, so often in fact I sometimes wondered if Charlie hoped I would get sick of Jake being there._

_If I said I wanted a Saturday afternoon to myself and took a blanket out into our backyard so I could lie there reading one of my favourite novels, Jake would always appear five minutes later, and for ages I didn't know it was because Charlie had called him and said I 'looked lonely' and he should visit. Charlie knew I hated being interrupted when I was lost in the arms of Mr Darcy or crying over some long ago fictional tragedy._

_Jake hated reading and thought anyone who read anything apart from what school demanded was wasting their time, so it wasn't as if we could just lie there together, both enjoying our books, like Edward and I did if he came over._

_Funnily enough, Dad never called Jake if Edward was there; apparently, I wasn't 'lonely' and needing Jake's company on those occasions._

_And he did do this sort of scoff/cough whenever I went on about how Jake was clearly my soulmate and true love. Even if he could be a bit difficult to keep happy sometimes._

_Alice was my best girl friend, and I'd used some of my savings to buy her a pendant she had often admired when she saw other girls at school wearing one like this. It was a Best Friends 4Ever thing, so I knew I would be the only one entitled to buy one for her. Unlike most of the things she owned, it wasn't even that expensive, just pretty._

_Quite within my budget._

_She was so thrilled when she opened my gift, she hugged me in front of everyone and declared it was 'the best gift ever'. I don't think Rosalie was happy about that, having spent about ten times more on whatever lavish present she'd bought her._

_I felt completely at home even though Jake didn't turn up, just as he had said. Edward had sought me out practically the minute I got there, and I spent more time sitting with him, just talking, than mingling with the other guests. Alice even came over to where we were sitting and slapped her brother for hogging my attention, but Edward just replied she was the hostess and had to 'circulate', so he was actually doing her a favour by amusing me._

_I didn't actually realize just how many hours we sat there, side by side, only separating to use the bathroom or for Edward to get us fresh drinks or snacks, until Alice was showing everyone the photos at school a few days later._

_Jake went into a rage, and accused me of liking Edward, and I agreed, I did like Edward. Not like I loved him, nothing like it, but Edward was fast becoming an even better friend to me than Alice was._

_Back then, I defied Jake quite regularly._

_I don't think I'd made the connection yet; that defying Jake equalled fewer kisses and when he refused to speak to me, I never looked for a reason. I just assumed I was somehow lacking, and was not amusing enough to hold his attention._

_It was Rose who pointed out the obvious to me._

"_So, Bella, if you don't obey orders and behave like a well trained show dog, Jake doesn't kiss you?" she stated one day when we were at the beach in a large group and Edward had invited me to join in with the kids playing beach baseball._

_I'd wanted to join in, mainly because baseball is the one sport I can play and I wanted to show off how far I could slam the ball since Edward started coaching me._

"_Bella, don't make a spectacle of yourself. You will embarrass us both," Jake hissed as I jumped up from where I'd been laying on a towel at his side._

"_I can hit. I may suck at catching, but wait until you see how far.."_

"_Bella, sit down," Jake straight out ordered._

"_No. I want to play," I replied and ran off to take the bat._

"_Batter up," called Emmett, grinning as I joined in. I knew he expected a couple of strikes followed by some weak little tap if I did manage to connect the bat and the ball , so it was great watching him stare at me in shock as I slammed the very first ball past the car park and into the forest._

"_That had to be a very big fluke," Emmett growled, and ordered me to stay where I was and he pitched a new ball my way._

_I slugged it as well, maybe even further than the first, and he ran over and picked me up and put me on his shoulders._

"_Victory lap, then you join my team," he yelled as I gripped onto his hair as he ran._

_Edward laughed, and took photos._

_Jake scowled and put his sunnies on and lay back, ignoring us all._

_True to form, my hitting had been amazing and my catching pathetic but Edward positioned himself behind me and he jumped in front of me to take the catches instead if I tripped and fumbled and face planted._

_The game was close but we won._

_Mike conceded defeat and Emmett and I repeated our lap again._

_I ran back to Jake, stupidly thinking I had earned a kiss for finally excelling half the time at a sport, but he was simmering with anger and he soon let me know I had somehow humiliated him by playing._

_I tried to make it up to him, but he drove me home in frosty silence and even though it was my birthday the next day, I didn't see or hear from him. I spent the whole day waiting for him to visit or make contact and that night, even though Billy attended the barbecue Charlie had insisted on having, Jake did not show._

"_Now do you get it?" Rose said as I sat watching the gate, sure he would come, no matter how late. "Bella has been a bad little puppy and her master is angry and punishing her. No pat on the head or doggie treat for you."_

"_He would never be that petty," I defended. "I didn't do anything wrong. Did I?"_

"_Did you listen and obey? Did you Sit when you were ordered to sit? Did you fetch and beg correctly as trained?" she asked roughly._

_When darkness fell and Dad and the other adults moved inside, Alice set up her iPod and everyone started dancing. Edward came to my side and took my hand._

"_Come on. It's your birthday, you are allowed to have a little bit of fun."_

"_Wait, let me check the list of allowed activities Jake left for Bella," Rose joked as Emmett came to claim her. "I think he carved them in stone over there."_

"_I can't dance anyway," I told Edward. "Think of my catching. I'm even worse at dancing."_

"_It's all in the leading," he replied and to my surprise, he was right. He saved the day from being a complete disappointment and we danced long into the night until I suddenly realized everyone else had slipped away at some point._

"_I guess I should go home ," Edward said, making no attempt to let me go. "Thank you for inviting us."_

_He slipped his hand into his pocket and took my hand, clasping a bracelet around my wrist. A shiny crystal hung from the gold chain and he wished me a happy birthday and stepped back._

"_Thank you, it's beautiful," I stated, not yet knowing how it would sparkle and shine in the sunlight. "I'm glad you came to my lame little party. I mean, I'm glad you and Alice and Emmett all came, of course."_

"_May I give you a birthday kiss?" he asked._

"_I have a feeling it may be the only one I get," I replied sadly, and as he kissed me for the first time ever, I forgot everything but the feel of his lips. Later it occurred to me that it was a damned shame my heart was not under my control and that boys were not interchangeable._

_xxxx_

_Jake was all charm and love the next day,though he refused to explain why he hadn't attended my party or where he had gone instead._

"_Hey, I don't see a wedding ring on your finger. I don't believe I have to answer to you yet," he replied when I asked._

_He came bearing a bouquet of mixed flowers that I immediately put in a vase in my bedroom , and placed it on the small table beside my bed._

"_I considered buying you chocolates but we don't want to start any bad habits, especially fattening ones, right?" he said lightheartedly._

"_I love the flowers, thank you," I replied, glancing at my waistline in the mirror. Had I gained weight and not noticed?_

"_Bella, your figure is wonderful but we need to ensure it stays that way," he stated. "I would never date an overweight girl so I'm trusting you to never turn into one. That's fair, right? If I liked chubby females, I date them. As it is, I like slender girls, so keep that in mind when someone offers you takeaway and candies. Oh, I got you a book."_

_There has never been a novel I've regretted reading, so I knew I would treasure whatever Jake had bought for me. I opened the wrapping and sat there dumbstruck._

_"NO FAT CHICKS- Keep Your Figure And Your Man._

_Don't force him to have to go elsewhere because you are too lazy to keep yourself slim and attractive._

_Even when pregnant, you don't have to look it._

_The Diet that guarantees you can keep your teen body all your life: nobody will even know you are expecting until you walk into the Labor Ward. You will never need larger jeans if you follow my diet and exercise plan for life!"_

_I guess he was just wanting to be sure I stayed healthy, so I hid my disappointment and promised to read it as soon as I had time._

"_Now, I believe it's customary to kiss the birthday girl."_

_I didn't mention I was no longer technically the birthday girl, because I needed him to kiss me and make me feel lovable again; not remind him it was my own fault he had avoided me yesterday. He knew how much I loved him and although he did not always show it, I knew he loved me back. I was sure at some point he would grow up and stop playing his stupid games, and the wait would be worth it._

"_You know what sixteen means, right?" he whispered in my ear as he hovered above me on my bed._

"_Well, I have been kissed already …" I replied._

"_Legal, Bella. It's now legal for us to make love."_

"_I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I was thinking maybe eighteen would be a better age to make adult decisions," I replied._

_He looked at me for quite a while, then shrugged._

"_Okay, but you need to always remember it was your decision. A man has needs and he cannot be expected to wait forever."_

"_I promise, the moment I turn eighteen, we will make love together," I swore, never dreaming he would not be my first. Had anyone read my future and told me what would happen, I would never have believed it. Jake was my world and I would not have been able to get my head around cheating on him, with anyone._

"_Then it will all begin. The engagement, the wedding, the kids. I have it all planned out."_

"_How many children do you want?" I asked him as he lay back on my pillow, his long black hair fanned out around his head. God, he was so beautiful. I loved his skin, so unlike my own pale white complexion. I loved his eyes, so dark they appeared black. Most of all I loved his jet black hair._

_I felt like a watered down version of a person, with my mid brown eyes and brunette hair and accursed skin tone. I swear if I ever fell into a snowdrift naked, nobody would see me and pull me out, I'd just blend in._

"_Two. You can't have just one or it would be a spoiled little brat," he said, forgetting I was an only child. "And any more than two and it would ruin your figure completely. Two it is."_

"_But your sisters are twins," I pointed out. "We could have a single baby then have a twin pregnancy and end up with three."_

_I always imagined myself with three._

"_No," he replied. "I would not allow you to risk having twins. They killed my Mom, remember, Bella."_

"_But Jake, we wouldn't have any choice. If we conceived twins, it would be out of our hands."_

"_You always have choices. My Mom was unlucky to have my sisters back before selective reductions were possible."_

"_But that would mean either Rebecca or Rachel would not exist," I replied in horror._

"_You wouldn't have known the one they chose to abort, so you are speaking of a hypothetical child. If only one of the twins had survived the pregnancy, you would not even ever think about the other one. It wouldn't have been born so it wouldn't have been real."_

"_Sometimes I hate modern medicine," I replied._

"_Hey, it won't happen to us. We will have our two boys and be the perfect family."_

"_Jake, don't set your heart on two boys, now that really is a choice that's out of our hands."_

"_We'll see," he replied, pulling me back to his lips and erasing much of the conversation from my head. All I retained was that Jake wanted to marry me one day and that we would have children._

_"Come on, we may as well go eat somewhere seeing nothing is happening in this bed for another two years" he stated._

_xxxx_

_I got back from our date late but even so, we had visitors. Alice and Rose were sitting in the room with Charlie, and all three were in great spirits. Then I noticed Mrs Hale was there as well. Since her husband died, I knew she had been lonely, but I wasn't aware she even knew Dad as more than a nodding acquaintance._

"_Hey Bella, we knew you would be out on your big romantic date so we thought we would come visit your Dad and keep him company. So,spill. What was it like? Did you two have fun?" Alice asked._

"_Um, take this upstairs, I don't need to hear about the details of my daughter's love life," Dad growled. "Can I get you a cup of tea or coffee, Natalie?"_

_Natalie? Boy, I didn't even know Mrs Hale's first name._

_Rose shut the door and immediately walked over to my flowers._

"_Alice, look at what Jake gave Bella."_

"_Nice," Alice said, frowning and giving Rose a glare._

"_What?" I asked. "Is it bad luck or something to give the girl you plan to marry flowers now?"_

"_Depends what they are," Rose replied._

"_Shut up. I think it's very sweet and romantic," Alice cut in. "Leave it, Rose. I'm sure he meant well. Men have no idea what each type of flower means. Most women don't."_

"_But we do," Rose declared, touching each bloom in turn. "Lavender, Marigold, Rhododendron, Begonia's, YELLOW carnations, oh Lilacs, nice."_

"_Okay, spill. What do they mean?" I grumbled._

"_Lilac is good, it means first love," Alice chirped._

"_And?"_

"_Lavender is so pretty, he probably chose it for it's colour and aroma," she hastily offered._

"_And it means?" I insisted._

"_Distrust," Rose stated. "Marigolds means a desire for riches, Rhododendron and Begonia's both mean beware. But lilacs are cute. "_

"_I'm sure he just picked them all for colour, they look lovely together. We should go. School tomorrow. Good night Bella."_

"_Yellow carnations, " I reminded them. "You forgot to tell me what they mean."_

"_They sometimes are used to tell someone they have disappointed you but I'm sure they have other meanings as well."_

_I closed the door behind them then saw Alice's phone on my bed and picked it up and ran after them._

"_There's no way he chose them randomly. Half of them don't even grow here. He had to have placed a special order," Rose said before she realized I was there behind them._

"_I could be wrong," she said with a smile when she saw me, and took the phone. I went back to my room._

_Now I felt paranoid._

_The Cullen siblings had handed me a bunch of flowers when they arrived at my party. Well, Edward had handed them to me, but I assumed they were from all three. I went downstairs and found a note from my Dad, saying he had been called into work, so I collected my other bouquet and went back upstairs and opened Google.._

_White carnations...innocence,purity._

_Pink carnations...I'll never forget you._

_Red carnations...my heart aches to be with you._

_Strange that Jake chose yellow ones, the only colour with negative overtones._

_Daffodils...unrequited love? Hmm, strange._

_Forget-me-nots...obviously, remember me._

_Daisies...loyal love._

_Gardenia...secret love._

_Gloxinia...love at first sight._

_All pretty happy meanings and I had to believe, both bunches were random choices._

_xxxx_

_EPOV_

"Bella, you will stay for dinner tonight?" Esme checked.

"Her house still stinks, I checked it while you were mucking with her hair," I replied. "She will have to sleep here until she leaves for the city, most probably."

"Then I must make up the guest room," Mom said, glaring in my direction. "Edward, I need you to get something down from a high shelf. You stay by the pool, Bella, just don't get your hair wet if you swim. I have no idea what might happen if we add chlorine to the mix."

"What?" I asked as Mom closed the door behind us.

"Bella slept in your bed last night," Mom stated.

"She is going through some stuff. She has nightmares. I can calm her down easily if we are together, that's all. Mom, we shared a place for four years and we are both adults, anyway."

"She loves Jake. If you cross any lines, Edward, she will still choose him and you will be the one left hurting."

"I already hurt, Mom, what difference would it make? At least I can have a few measly nights with her. Compared to the rest of her life, even Jake wouldn't begrudge me that. "

"I believe he would, if you are using the same method to calm Bella down as your father uses on me. She intends marrying him, no matter what. Don't complicate her life or yours. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Wait until you see the new nurses your father has hired, with you in mind. Betty and Lorna were both ready to retire, so he chose three nice young single ladies as their replacements."

"So, he's filled the hospital with pretty nurses, has he?" I answered. "Then you had better keep your eye on him, because they will not be of any interest to me, and if they are looking for a doctor to marry, he'll be getting all their attention."

"Carlisle would never cheat, I'm quite confident about that."

"You'd be surprised who cheats, Mom, and why. The world is not always black and white. Sometimes desperate people would do anything to be with the one they love, even if it means cheating on somebody."

"Don't, Edward. Don't make her cheat on Jake. I was wrong, she will be the one who gets hurt. You will move on once she is gone but she will have to look him in the face and know she betrayed him with you. It will have repercussions, even if he never finds out. She will know, Edward, even if he doesn't, and Bella is not the type to ever forgive herself."

"It's too late, Mom. Don't bother making up the guest bed. She is staying with me. Six more nights then I may never see her again, ever. If she's going to Hell for this, she may as well enjoy herself all she can before she pays."

"You do know she doesn't love you, Edward? Not in that way."

"How would you know?" I barked. Of course I knew, didn't my heart bleed every day just for that reason?

"It's in her eyes. She enjoys your company and loves you as a friend and she may even love you a little. She wishes she loved you enough to choose you over Jake, I know that much. Sometimes being with the person you love the most does not make your life easy or happy. And sometimes, Edward, you do not get to be with the one you love the most ever. Six days, six nights, they won't change anything. You have had more than six years and she's still as in love with him as ever. I do know you would be far better for her than he is, and maybe even Bella knows that herself, but if she stayed here with you, she'd still love him more. Would you want to be in that situation? Wouldn't you wonder, every time she closed her eyes, if she was thinking of him, and pretending you were him?"

"It's not like that. She's happy when she's with me and he is such a miserable bastard. You have seen how he treats her."

"Yet she runs back for more. That says more than if he treated her like a queen. She accepts whatever scraps he offers. Sound familiar?"

I slammed the door behind me and went down to the garages and decided it was time to take the good car out for a drive. Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky and a tree will jump out into my path.

It was exhilarating, the wind in my hair, the feeling of power beneath my foot, as I broke every speed law in the state.

Inevitably, I got pulled over on my way back home and had it been anyone but Charlie Swan, I'm sure I would have been in big trouble.

"Let me guess. Woman trouble," he stated flatly as he stood at my drivers door window.

"You said it."

"My daughter?" he hazarded a guess.

"Yep," I replied. No point lying now.

"So, in six days time you will return to sanity and stick to the road rules?"

"Absolutely," I agreed.

"Edward, Renee destroyed me. Don't let Bella do the same to you."

"I love her, Charlie."

"A blind horse could see that,Son, from the day you met. You think I don't love Renee? You think I chose to be alone the whole time Bella was growing up? It would have felt like cheating on her mother if I'd ever even kissed another woman. I went without sex for twenty two years, Edward. How many men in the world choose to give up sex because there's only one woman they want to sleep with?"

"Just you and me, Charlie."

"Don't do it, Son. Other women can be good enough, after all. They can fill the hole in your chest a little, for a while, if you let them."

"And if Renee came back today?" I questioned.

"I'd take her back in a heartbeat," he replied.

"And what if the women you have finally been with meant she spurned you?"

"Then I guess I would borrow a very fast car and wrap myself around a tree. But the thing is, Edward, Renee will never come back. I finally got that when Bella was sixteen years old, and her Mom forgot her birthday yet again. I mean, Sweet Sixteen, it's a big deal for a girl. Her Mom must know that, but she still forgot. Forgot her eighteenth, forgot her twenty first. It finally made me realize Renee truly has forgotten we both exist. And I looked back at the ladies who had shown an interest in me over the years and I'd spurned them, Edward. For nothing. For a woman who forgot me. Don't make her the center of your life, when he is the center of hers."

"Are you honestly happy she is with Jake?"

"Not for a minute. He was always a selfish little prick from the day he was born. I did what I thought was best but nothing changed the way she loves him. I even encouraged her to go live in New York with another man, for four years, hoping he would turn her head. Remember that? I told her I had spent her dorm money years ago, in some emergency that never happened, when you offered to let her live in Carlisle's apartment with you. I lied to her face, told her it was the only way she would be able to attend NYU. The money is still in her bank account, if she ever bothered to look."

"Thanks for trying, Charlie."

"Sorry it didn't work, Edward. You did try...you know.."

"I slept with her Charlie. I was her first."

The man scratched his head at that piece of news.

"Good for you, Edward. I bet the little prick has no idea."

"None at all."

"But we know, don't we Edward," he chortled. "If I didn't think he'd take it out on her, I'd love to tell him."

"You and me both."

"Boy, will I ever grin when I am forced to hand her over to him down the aisle. I hope she goes traditional, and wears white. Virginal," he laughed then paused.

"You do realize I'm happy my daughter had sex with someone she isn't going to marry? Is that wrong?"

"Not in this case. It didn't feel wrong to me."

"And she's sleeping at your place all this week? You haven't considered..."

"I really have tried everything, Charlie but she still intends going to him next week."

"Then I'm sorry, lad. I would have enjoyed having you as a son-in-law. I guess at least now I have one tiny little piece of joy when the wedding day arrives much too soon, as it will. I will hand her to him knowing you got to her first."

"Glad to be of service, Charlie."

"Okay. You are officially warned not to speed again and I will be patrolling this piece of highway myself for the next six days. After that , there will be a real policeman on this detail and he will put your arse in jail if he catches you."

"I got it Charlie. Six days."

"A lot can happen in six days. Maybe one of these crank religions will be right and the world will end."

"It will end for me, anyway."

"Edward, don't do anything reckless. Nothing...permanent. Promise me?"

"How could I, Charlie? I have to sit around and wait and hope for the next twenty years that she comes back."

"You ever need someone to talk to, Edward, you know where I live."

"Thanks, Charlie. I will take you up on that."

"Hopefully the paint stink will be gone by then," he said with a wink and got into his cruiser.

xxxx

"Where have you been?" Emmett asked as I walked into the pool room to find Bella.

She was sitting in the spa, talking with Alice and Rose.

"Rosalie, get out of the spa, now, please. Go have a cool shower," I ordered.

She frowned but did as I asked.

"I've been having the most bizarre conversation ever. A man just thanked me for taking his daughter's virginity before her boyfriend got the chance to."

"That's right up there in bizarre conversations all right," Emmett agreed. "I'm going to guess his daughter is sitting in our spa."

"She is. Pregnant women should not use spas, Emmett."

"Really? I had no idea. I know by that you are saying you know Rose is pregnant to me and I will marry her, bro."

"Lucky you, Emm. If I could fix my problem and my life as simply as you can, I'd be a fucking happy man. If the most I had to worry about was the woman I loved and who loved me back being pregnant before the wedding, I'd have it written across the sky for the whole world to read."

"I'm sorry she doesn't love you," he said quietly.

"Yeah, you are not the only one," I replied.


	5. Chapter 5

Safe

**Chapter 5: Chapter 5**

Safe

Chapter 5

BPOV

_If Jake calls me, I will go home and sleep downstairs on the sofa, _I bargained with the Universe. He had not called me once since he left. Sam's girlfriend Emily knew Jake well enough to send me a text herself to inform me he arrived safely, but I still had not heard a word from him. That was a shame. Hearing from him may have pulled me rudely back into the real world, and out of this bubble.

I hate the way Jake never makes me feel valuable. He doesn't think I'm worth a text message even, yet he must know I would want to hear he is okay and the plane landed safely. Whenever I said things like that, he dismissed it and said if the plane crashed, it would have been on the news.

Billy said that was just how Jake was. Always living in the present minute, never wasting time thinking about anything but what he was doing right now. Maybe he hadn't even thought about me at all yet, since he got there. When he did, he would call. I was sure of that. He just wasn't a man who needed to be constantly assuring me of his love, he assumed I felt it even when he was away from me.

Maybe if I'd had a mother who had not been able to forget my existence the minute she left me, I wouldn't be so needy.

Edward validates my existence in a way nobody else does and that may not mean much to anyone but me, but I need to know I exist and I am lovable.

If I sleep in Edward's bed again, it will be just like last night, and he'll make love to me.

The way I saw things, I figured we had already betrayed Jake, even if you disregard the night that happened when I turned eighteen.

Last night was a real betrayal but it was done and nothing I did could change that. Did that mean we could just keep wronging and the crime would not grow bigger? I have no idea. I didn't imagine Jake would ask 'how many times?' if I had a bout of conscience and admitted I'd slept with Edward. Once was the deal breaker; if it happened again it seemed somehow less important.

I had the feeling Esme knew what we had done because she just looked sad all of a sudden.

I was worried she would blame Edward, when in reality he had never ever asked me to sleep with him. Both times it had been me.

At least if he had asked it would have been out of love and not out of insecurity and panic. Obviously once I was living with Jake I would have to find another way to cope with whatever life threw at me, because I could not spend the rest of my life running home to Edward and asking him to fix me again.

He would have a life of his own.

Hopefully, some lovely girl would come along and eclipse the feelings he had for me in his heart and she would become his sun. At best all I was, was his moon. Not even that, maybe just a little star.

Like the one he had adopted and named for me.

We were laying together outside, on one of the sun loungers, and everyone else was in their beds.

Emmett and Rosalie had announced they were engaged with a view to marry as soon as it could be arranged. He had stuck a rock the size of a golf ball onto her hand and everyone had hugged them and cried and some of us just felt envious that sometimes, for some lucky ones, life really could be that simple.

He'd never slept with anyone but her; and she'd never slept with anyone but him. They were Marshall and Lily.

I can't even remember what that was like. It was such a short period of time for me, when Edward had been the only one. All I remember is that I was hellbent on getting home and erasing it by giving Jake his due.

I'd proved one thing, anyway. When we played charades, Emmett always said I could not act for shit and had better not be counting on being an actress as a profession, because I would face serious unemployment issues.

Yet I managed to fool Jake that I was truly virginal when it was not the truth.

Why do I not regret it? It's definitely not because I really love Edward and not Jake, much as I wish it was sometimes.

In some twisted sick way, I think I wanted Edward to be my first simply because he was a much nicer person than Jake is.

I know my life is going to be an endless struggle and I know in every relationship, one person loves their partner more than he loves her. No prizes for guessing who that is. But it's enough that Jake loves me at all.

"Which star is it again?" I asked Edward as he turned to face me. I had a feeling he was thinking hard about tonight and maybe he had decided to walk me to the guest room when we finally went inside. I would not protest, or argue. I would say Goodnight and close the door.

This was hard for him and I know he is hurting and it's all my fault but I can't see how to stop the pain for him or how to make anything better. I could go to the guest room myself and take away his options but that seems to be even more unfair.

It's up to him.

"It's right there, Bella," he said, pointing at the sky.

"Can I adopt a star and name it after you?" I asked.

"Nope, no point. You can't see stars in the city, you know that. You moaned about missing them often enough when we were there."

"I did, didn't I? Maybe I don't really hate this place as much as I thought. It has stars."

It has Edward.

"Come on, it's time," he said.

"I'll sleep wherever you want me to," I told him quietly.

"If only that was true," he sighed and took my hand, pulling me to my feet.

"I do mean it," I assured him.

"Tonight you will but this time next week, you will be in his bed. If I told you not to sleep in there, you would not listen to me."

"Edward, I know I'm making things confusing for you by my stupidity but I don't know what to do any more. I can't go back and fix the things I've broken."

"Don't worry, Bella, it's only my heart and I'll never have a use for it ever again."

"Don't say that. There are many nice girls in the world and so many of them would jump at the chance to fall in love with you. And you will meet someone that actually deserves you, and you will fall in love with her."

"You can't say things like that to me," he growled. "I'm never going to love anyone else. I'm so like Charlie I should be his child, not you."

"How are you like my Dad?" I asked, puzzled, as we walked upstairs.

"Did you know Charlie waited until your twenty first birthday before he gave up on Renee? He never touched another woman for all those years and even now, he admits he would take her back without thought. He wouldn't hate her or blame her, he would just be so happy to have her back, he'd forget the twenty two years without her ever existed."

"You are not going to sit around like some damned martyr after I leave," I said crossly. "Alice told me your Dad has hired three nurses, not because they were the best people for the jobs but because he is hoping you will fall for one of them and have a life and be happy. I want you to do that, Edward. I want Alice to tell me you have dated at least one of them and fallen in love. You have to promise to try."

"Sure, Bella, whatever you say," he replied flatly, stripping my clothes from my body, then his own and pulling me into his bed.

I lay here beside him as he held me against his body and buried his face in my hair, breathing me in. I wasn't sure what he wanted me to do so I lay there, waiting, not touching.

He began kissing my throat and his hands roved over my body and paused now and then, as he debated internally about whether he really wanted to do this.

I should have been smarter, and kinder, and just come to him on my last day here, that way it would have happened or not happened, but either way I would have been on a plane the next day.

He rolled me away from him and for a moment I thought he was rejecting me too, then I felt him push inside me from behind. I hated this position, it was Jake's preferred angle and I was always nervous he was leading up to taking me in another destination all together. In a place I never wanted to be taken, yet I also knew I would not stop him from invading.

"Edward," I whispered, "can I at least face you?"

He withdrew immediately and I turned to him and cradled his face in my hands.

"I'm sorry, I don't like that position. If you can't bear to look at me, maybe I should go."

"Please don't go," he replied, and I saw why he didn't want me to see his face.

"God, you have no idea how much I hate myself right now," I said, stroking away the tears he was crying. "I wish I was dead, then all of this would just stop and be over."

"All of what?" he asked in a whisper.

"Me hurting you, him hurting me, the whole fucked up mess that is my life."

"If you were dead, I'd have no reason to live myself," he replied, resting his forehead on mine.

I felt him nudge my legs apart and I let him inside me, maybe for the last time. Why hadn't I thought about this? There was no real reason I was staying on until the last possible day. Charlie could furnish and decorate his own guestroom, or not. I'd never be back, even if Jake wanted to come visit Billy. If he ever insisted, and God knows I would probably give in, then I would insist we stayed on the Res and never ventured into Forks.

I could be in New York tomorrow. Why the hell hadn't Jake just told me to go with him when he'd left? . There was nothing holding me here and staying was only hurting Edward more.

The least I owed him was a clean break; to get away from him and let him mend in peace.

I blanked my mind and threw myself into what we were doing and for hours it was just us in the world; just Edward and I and nobody else existed.

We were frenzied, as if we both knew this was it, this was the last time we could ever touch and be together because it had to end.

We had to stop and shower now and then, but by the time dawn broke, I believe we had been together more than most average married couples are in a year. I would be lucky if I could sit down on the plane.

Finally, Edward flopped down to the mattress beside me and laughed.

"I guess you could say we went out with a bang," he joked. Then he turned and faced me.

"You are planning on leaving me today, aren't you?"

"It seems to be the for the best. How much longer do you want me to stay and stab you in the heart, Edward?"

"For six more days and nights like you promised."

"But this is wrong. Wrong for you. All I'm doing is prolonging your pain."

He sat up and grabbed my shoulders.

"Bella, haven't you noticed I'm not a fifteen year old any more? I'm an adult, and I know what I can cope with and what I can't. I want you to be with me for six more days. That's what I choose. Kindly get over the idea that you are the one choosing how much I get hurt. It's way too late to be thinking about that. The fact that I love you is my problem, not yours.

You never asked me to love you. You have never once led me on or pretended you were trying to make up your mind between me and Jake. I knew from our very first conversation that you loved him and I know nothing has changed. Maybe it never will. That's the most likely outcome. All I will ever get from you is scraps, and I damned well want my scraps. I want all of them. My heart is already broken, how many pieces it ends up in is irrelevant, but you are staying until the day of that flight you are booked on, and not going anywhere. This isn't one of your romance novels. You are not being noble by disappearing on me sooner than you promised. The only choice I have in this situation is whether I want you to stay for this week or go now, today, and I choose stay."

"I don't see that it will do any good. I'm still going to New York. I'm going back to Jake and hoping to God he never finds out, because if he did, he would probably toss me aside just like I deserve to be, and then I would never be happy again. Believe me, Edward, I could do worse to you than go to him. I could stay and choose you and we could both be miserable together because I will always love him more than I love you."

"And that is what's called old news. Why do you feel so responsible for hurting me? I could have walked away that very first day and come home and demanded Carlisle send me back to Boston, to boarding school. I could have asked Esme to home school me. I could have chosen some other girl at Forks High , there were plenty who wanted me, and sat with her on the other side of the lunchroom and never looked at you again. I knew I wanted you, and I knew it may not happen, but I choose to devote all these years to trying to win you. Okay, I failed. I wish you had somehow fallen out of love with him but even that would not have been a guarantee I would get what I wanted.

What if you had then dated Mike?

Or Tyler?

I would have still waited, still been your best friend. If it was Emmett that loved you, would you feel like you were manipulating him by staying and letting him sleep with you? What if it was Carlisle? Would you feel all responsible? I'm as much an adult as they are and all I ever had to do was walk away and say no. Did you see me do that? I may not have been as buff as Emmett but I have always been a lot stronger than you and that first night, I had lots of choices.

Push you to the floor and go out to a bar. Grab your hands off my dick and carry you to your bedroom and lock you inside it. Slap your face and demand you respect my virginity. Did I do any of those options, or did I weigh up what you were offering and decide that one night with you was worth the heartbreak?

If you were starving, and someone offered you an apple, would you eat it or say 'No thanks. I prefer to keep starving and never know what an apple tastes like, because if I eat this I will dream about apples for the rest of my life and crave them?' I took the apple, Bella and I ate it. I don't regret it for one second. I have never wished I could go back and not share what we did, I've only wished we had shared more. So, yes, my Love, I want you to stay and keep stabbing me and I welcome the knife."

"I don't think I can. Esme knows, and she is hurting for you. She'll crack and slap my face and hate me if I keep parading this in front of her."

"Then pack your clothes right now and we'll go somewhere. I'd rather have you all to myself anyway."

Edward packed his bag while I showered, then we went to Charlie's house and I packed my own. Edward decided we were going somewhere warm and sunny, so I sorted through what little Summer clothing I had and he helped me pack.

"We will buy things. There's going to be shops where we are passing through. Come on."

True to his word, we shopped when we arrived at the airport boutique once our plane landed and both doubled our vacation wardrobes. I chose board shorts and a cheesy Hawaiian shirt for him, he chose bikinis and the tiniest sarongs on the planet, probably made for five year old girls to wear.

A short boat ride and we were on the Cullen's own private island.

Even their beach house was perfect and Edward took me on the quickest of tours before we ended up in a beautiful bedroom with French doors that opened onto their private beach. He could give me so much, even more than endless devotion and love. Had I been a gold digger my head would have been well and truly turned, but even knowing my life would be luxurious beyond my wildest dreams did not change the facts.

"This one," he decided, handing me a red bikini with white polka dots.

I peeled off my traveling outfit and Edwards eyes changed, and he pushed me against the wall before I got to try on my new swimwear.

He grabbed my wrists in one of his hands and held them against the wall above my head and freed himself, dropping his jeans to the floor and kicking them away. Without a single word, he pushed inside me and held my gaze the entire time as he thrush and withdrew until I closed my eyes as my body started to peak.

"Open them now," he growled.

I knew he was thinking I could be thinking of Jake.

"Believe me, Edward, at this moment all I can think about is you. I promise he has never entered my head while you are inside my body. This is nothing to do with him. This is about us."

"You got that right," he said huskily.

He thrust harder, bringing my body back to where it had been before he had spoken and I stilled as we came together. He dropped my hands and held me against his chest until we stopped pulsating together.

Then his lips were on mine, biting, tearing at them, and he stepped back.

"Sorry."

"No blood, no foul," I replied, and went into the shower.

xxxx

Edward cooked, and I ate. Edward initiated sex and I complied. We christened every room in the house, and the hallway more than once and at night, when the sun went down, we made love on the sand under the stars.

Jake's name was never mentioned again and in reality, I think I forgot about him, and just enjoyed being with Edward. He was my dearest friend and he loved me, and worshiped me with his body so there was no room for the real world. We were going to be parted in just a matter of days so every minute, day and night, in and out of bed was precious.

We talked as we always had but there was a sense of urgency now, there was so much to say before we were parted. On the night before we flew back to Forks, Edward left me out on the beach and went to pour drinks and bring them to me. We sat side by side, naked, in the very edge of the lagoon.

"Thank you for these few days. I somehow feel a bit better, knowing you always knew this was what you wanted if it was all I could offer."

"Bella, I will always want whatever you give me. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness and being with you makes me happy."

"I want you to be happy."

"I know you do, but it isn't your job, it's mine. I want you to think about something."

"Okay."

"Jake is going to have you full time but I think I deserve something."

"What?" I asked, puzzled.

"Two weeks out of every year. I want us to meet here and spend fourteen days and nights together."

"You want me to deliberately plan to cheat on Jacob?"

"Bella, I think that ship has sailed long ago."

"I don't think I could do that. I love Jake and he is my One, Edward. That would just be so wrong."

"You are my One, and you know what, Bella? There is no way on God's green earth that I could ever cheat on you if you were mine. What does that tell you?"

"That you are a better person than me?" I replied.

"No, I'm not a better person than you are. You are cheating on Jake, I am therefore cheating on Jake, or at least condoning your cheating. You say he is your One, but if he was, there is no way you would be here with me."

"I do love him," I argued. "I'm just a weak person who fucks her own life up. I have loved him forever."

"Either that , or you have grown up thinking that is your truth, and you have never questioned whether that is indeed still fact now. People change. If you loved him from when you were a child, then it wasn't romantic love or lustful love, it was just love one feels for someone dear and familiar."

"Don't you dare say I love him like a brother because that it not the case, I can promise you that."

"You don't love him like a soulmate. Ask me, I know what it's like to love a soulmate because I love you."

"You are just trying to confuse me. Maybe I do love Jake, it's just that the amount I love him is all that it's capable for me to love anyone. Maybe it's not one hundred per cent but it's real, Edward. I want to marry him and have his children. If that's not love, what is it?"

"I can't answer that. I've only ever loved you and I love you completely. One hundred percent. And you need to admit to yourself that you do love me as well, even if only a little. If you didn't, you would not be here, for fucks sake."

He scragged at his hair, frustrated that I just wasn't getting it.

"You are right. I do love you. I love you and I love Jake and I want you both. But that's not possible, so I have to stay with Jake because I love him more."

"I know you love me a little, so let's say you could measure love by time. You love him fifty weeks of the year and me two? Does that sound right?"

"At least. I would say about eight months for him and four months for you but that's not practical so I guess two weeks is fair."

"Four months? Wow. I underestimated you again."

"Edward, I have admitted I do love you and as horrible as it sounds, I like you more than I like him. I love him more, but I wish to God I was smart enough to be able to choose to stay with you, the man who loves me so very much. I know how much you love me, because I do love him that much, no matter what you think, and I get that it's all encompassing and it makes it hard for you to breathe, and I know you will be anticipating our two weeks for the whole year, but you still have to try.

You agree to date other women and I bet one day your love for me with alter and fade and you'll love her eight months and me only four, then you will understand. It's still love, but it's a lesser love. It's not enough to build a life on, but eight months is. Most people don't love anyone a hundred percent. They would change something about their partner. They wish he was kinder, or more mature or more loving or less demanding. Whatever. They see that quality in someone else and love him a little because of that. Maybe one day Jake will have all the qualities you have that I love. Then he will be my soulmate."

"Fine, but as you love me a little, you have to agree to come and stay with me for two weeks each year until that changes. If you ever love him one hundred percent, and I just become someone you used to know, tell me and I'll back off. Until then, I want my share of time with you. I'm only asking two weeks, a mere two weeks, because most people can legitimately be away from home that long without anyone thinking it's strange. Plenty of women visit their parents without their spouse. "

Somehow he made sense and I did want to see him again. I was no happier than he was at the thought we could no longer be part of one another's lives. Maybe this thing between us would weary and die of it's own accord, in time, as Jake and I bonded properly. When that happened, giving up two weeks each year with Edward would not be a problem. I wouldn't want to be with him any more. Maybe this arrangement would even benefit Jake and I, because it would enable me to let go slowly and not create some fantasy where I wondered constantly if I would have been happier if I'd stayed with Edward.

Absence makes the heart grow stronger but two weeks of reality would remind me of what I had with Jake, and one day I'd wake up and know he was the only one I wanted and Edward was just someone I'd crushed on. And maybe loved a little, but that love would die. It would. It wasn't enough, so it stood to reason in time it would lessen until it disappeared altogether.

"I will agree to 'come spend some quality time with Charlie' for two weeks every year. I even think Dad will cover for me."

"I'm completely confident he will," Edward grinned.

"Life with you would be wonderful, I know that. All couples love unevenly; there's always one who loves more than the other, and I'd have an amazing life with you. I'd never feel inadequate or guilty or insecure, and you would think that could be enough, but I'd rather die than marry you and be thinking of him all my life. Wishing I was with him. That would be the worst thing I could do to you. You deserve better. So, how long is this pact going to last? At some point it has to end."

"If he marries you or you become pregnant to him, then we agree right now it ends. You send me a wedding announcement or a card telling the family you are expecting, and I come here alone and just live on memories."

"It works both ways. When you meet someone special, and believe me, you will and she will be so much more special than I could ever be, then you send us a card announcing your engagement and I don't book any more tickets."

"Okay, deal. You have to promise nothing short of being on your deathbed prevents our reunions though."

"Fine. Agreed. I have to die or marry Jake to stop meeting you here."

Edward pulled me into his embrace.

"Don't ever die, my Bella. I need you to keep meeting me here for as long as possible."

He kissed the top of my head and I put my arms around his body, and we watched the moon rise over the lagoon.

xxxx

The Cullens and even Charlie acted like we had been off on a shopping spree and no explanations were asked or given. I slept that final of final nights in Edward's bed, though neither of us slept. We talked, we kissed , we cried and we made love but although we prayed that the sun would not rise, it did.

As I sipped a last coffee from Carlisle's coffee machine, I starting forcing myself to let go.

"Edward, you have to seriously date, remember. Alice will rat you out if you don't. If she says you are not making a real effort, then I won't come see Charlie."

Our code.

"I'm going to do what you ask, but only because it's what you want, not what I want. If that's the price you demand, then so be it but don't be expecting me to fall in love with any of them."

"Then make love to them and see if you connect that way. It's not as if you can cheat on me, I'll be in Jacob's bed."

"I hate thinking about that. This morning is truly horrible. You are leaving me, I don't know when I'll see you again , and you are about to start your life with him. I feel like it's all loss and sadness until I see you again."

Emmett came into the kitchen and poured coffee.

"Hey Bellybeans, you will be back for the nuptials, right? In two months time. Rose wants to be over the spewing but get in before the fat belly begins growing."

"If you invite me to your wedding, I will come," I promised. "As long as Edward writes a note on the invitation himself. Not if Rose just sends me one to be polite. If she does that and you don't add a note yourself, I will take it that it means 'don't come'."

"Why would I not want you to come?" Edward asked.

"It's two months away and you may have decided you hate me by then. I wouldn't blame you. Just write a few words on the invite, if you still want me to turn up."

"Oh, by the way, the budgets a little tight," Emmett joked, "so you won't get to bring a Plus One. Sorry."

"I doubt Jacob would even care about any of us enough to fly back for any wedding," Edward said.

"So, maybe I will see you both then, or not, but either way, I really do need to get dressed and go now. They are not going to hold the plane for me."

"I wish I had more siblings to marry off just to see you one more time," Edward said, stroking my hair and kissing my face. "Maybe we could buy Alice a boyfriend online."

"Maybe we will have to buy you a wife online, if you don't play nice with the nurses," I joked.

"Hang on. I never agreed to get married. That will never happen. For the same reason you would never marry me, I can never marry anyone else."

"Seriously, promise me I haven't wrecked your life like Renee wrecked Dad's," I begged.

"It's fine, Bella. The hours I have spent with you, in and out of bed have been the happiest I've ever experienced. It was worth it. I don't know if I will be saying that next week or next month or next year, but right now I'm so happy we did every single thing we ever did together, including watching bad movies, and skating in the park, and taking you to hospital afterwards to get a brace on your poor leg. And feeding the birds in Winter, and eating in our favourite places. Just promise me you won't go to any of those places with Jake. Let me have that much."

"Of course I would never go to any of our places with him. I'd get lost in the memories and make him really mad."

"Come on, one last shower, then I will let you go," he promised.

It was a long, hot, maybe noisy shower but we had to be together one last time.

I wanted to remember his touch and his lips and his heartbeat and his smell.

He dried my body then kissed it nearly all over and I finally called a halt. This was it. Really it.

Even Carlisle was waiting to say Goodbye. I was passed from one pair of arms to the next, and Alice cried on my shoulder, but I knew it was more because of how life had to be rather than because I was leaving.

"Look after him for me," I whispered in her ear.

"I will try but it won't be much good," she replied.

"I do love him , you know."

"I know you do, just not enough."

Esme was the last.

"Maybe in your next life," she said tearfully, putting her other arm around her younger son. Someone took a photo, and Esme squeezed out of the middle of us and suddenly it really was Goodbye.

I was aware of the flashes as Edward kissed me but I didn't care, somehow even if Jake saw these photos in years to come, I knew I'd never even try and explain them away. It is possible to love two men at the same time, with the same heart and damn it, I was only sorry Jake held the larger share.

"Bella, never forget, never regret," Edward whispered.

"I will never forget or regret you, Edward," I promised.

Carlisle opened the door and there stood my father, ready to lead me to the cruiser for my elegant exit from the town I had lived in all my life, except for four wonderful years in college.

xxxx

I guess I had fantasized about how meeting up with Jacob again would be, but I decided I'd rather surprise him than call him away from work to meet me at the airport. He was not the type to rush into my arms and kiss me, anyway. Not in public.

And I'd slept the entire way here on the plane and felt kind of grungy anyway.

I unlocked the door to Carlisle's apartment and walked inside, surprised at the way my heart hurt at the sight of Edward's sitting room bed.

"That's something you never thought of, Bella. That bed, the scene of the crime...well, the original crime, is still here."

I headed for the bedroom and was surprised how clean and tidy the place was. Jake really was not that domesticated. The kitchen was clean and nothing was out of place in any room. He'd hung up my clothing in the closet in the bedroom, beside his business suits and my smalls were in the drawers.

Even the bathroom was spotless, which amazed me. I mean, a single guy, living alone, there had to be some mess, somewhere. The fridge was fresh smelling and held milk and juices in unopened containers, and meat neatly in plastic wrap covered plates.

Then I saw the flowers in the vase, and the Welcome Home card beside them on the little dining table. I'd been so distracted looking at Edward's bed across the room, I'd not even looked in this direction.

_Bella Babe, tonight! Jake._

_P.S. I will be home at 7, be naked._

I was genuinely touched that he had thought to buy me flowers, I refused to analyse what type they were and what they meant. They were pretty and a gift and that's all I needed to know.

I ran a bath and soaked for a very long time, with my eyes shut, trying not to think about what I'd left behind. I was here now. This was completely my own choice.

My future was with Jacob Jared Brady Black.

xxxx

I was primped and perfumed and naked as requested when Jake arrived home, and I opened the door to him. He scooped me up into his arms and kissed my lips with real impatience as he rushed us towards the bed. Oh God, no, not Edward's bed.

"No, I put candles and things in our bedroom," I said hurriedly.

Jake sighed and ran us down the short hallway and tossed me onto the bed.

I would have felt better if I'd managed to not sleep with two different men within the same day, but I could hardly voice that out loud and it was Jake who I belonged to.

"Thank you for the flowers," I said, when he finally left my lips and my body.

"My pleasure. I really missed you, Babe."

"How did you know I was coming today?" I asked. I had intended this to be a surprise.

He reached for his phone and handed it to me, without a word.

_Jake, just a heads up. Bella is on the noon plane, she wants to surprise you. I just want to make sure it's a pleasant surprise. Edward._

"Do you two text regularly?" I asked, thrown to see his name.

"Nope, I have never messaged him, nor he me before today. I guess Edward didn't trust that I'd be here, waiting patiently, alone. It was nice of him, but completely unnecessary," he added. "I did hire a cleaner so everything would be nice for you."

"I knew it. Thanks for that. I admit I thought I'd be spending a day or two cleaning up."

"So what happened to your hair?"

"I felt like a change," I replied. "Do you like it?"

"I guess I will get used to it. The red bits will wash out, right?"

"I suppose so. Do you hate it?"

"Bells, I could never hate anything about you. You are such a funny little thing. What are you doing in the last two days before you begin working?"

"I thought I'd wander about and find us a good coffee shop and maybe buy a few things to brighten up the place. Tablecloths, new towels. Dad told me there's money in my bank account so I may as well spend it. I need work clothes and shoes, things like that."

The next day saw me buy those things and I got the complex Super to dismantle the bed in the sitting room and put it into storage for me.

The following day I was just checking out old haunts and saying hello to almost friends, who'd worked in shops I'd frequented with Edward, and it was completely impulsive that I ended up in the chair at a tattoo parlour.

"What are you wanting done?" a large man with little spare skin uninked asked.

"Just a little tiny star, on my inner wrist, thanks."

He showed me a couple of simple designs then he drew one freehand, more fancy and complex.

"Could you hide the letter 'E' in there somewhere?" I asked. "I don't want anyone but you and I to know it's there."

"Lady, I've changed 'Samantha' to 'Claire', 'Lucy' to 'Nicole', 'Anna' to 'Felix', I think I can hide an 'E' for you."

He started preparing his tools while I watched nervously.

"What's the star for?" he asked.

"Just to remind me of the sky in the town where I was born."

"And the E? Someone special."

" My past. My past that I can never admit to. He told me to never forget, never regret."

"I could add those words in code in a circle around the star. It would look just like just a wavy design, seeing you like your messages secret."

"Go for it," I decided. What's a little more pain?

"What colour?"

"Green. Emerald green."

I liked it. The letter 'E' was really hard to make out unless you knew to search for it, but it served it's purpose. The codewords were so elaborate you would need to stare at my wrist for an hour to even realize they were words and not just wavy lines. There was no way anyone could ever read what it really said.

For all I knew he had made the whole code thing up and he had just drawn random wavy lines to boost up the price.

Now I had a little star of my own to remind me of...Forks. My hometown. You always leave a little of your heart behind in your hometown.

Jake freaked when he saw the bandage on my wrist, even before I could explain it was just a tiny tattoo, not an injury.

Maybe he thought I'd slit my own wrist.

He walked up to me and grabbed my arm.

"No, get it off. Have it removed. You are mine and don't you forget that. His name should not be on your body."

"Whose name?" I cried, wondering how the Hell he could even know.

Jake ripped the gauze covering from my wrist and stared at the ink, his eyes blazing but out of focus.

" Get it removed."

"There is no name, it's a star. Look at it, Jake. A star and wavy lines, no name."

Jake looked at me and suddenly shook himself and his eyes returned to normal.

"There's no name," I repeated.

Jake looked down at my wrist and looked surprised that he was holding it.

"You got a tattoo?"

"It's just a star."

He shrugged. "I guess it's pretty. I'm glad it's small enough to cover with a bracelet. I hate tattoos on girls, why didn't you ask me first?"

"I kind of thought it was my body and I got to choose," I replied.

"So long as it's not some old flames name, why would I care?" he asked, covering the ink carefully with the bandage and replacing the tape.

"Jake, we have been together forever. I don't have old flames."

"I know, Babe. How could you ever love anyone else like you love me? Let's go grab dinner somewhere. What do you feel like eating? Italian?"


	6. Chapter 6

Safe

Safe

Chapter 6

xxxx

EPOV

I knew I'd never manage to cope with seeing Bella walk away, out of my life, so the minute my family shut the front door behind her, I was up the staircase, packing myself a bag. I still had seven days until I began working with my father, so there was no reason to stay.

"Where are you going?" Alice cried out as I walked out that same front door only ten minutes after my reason for living had walked out it herself.

My Mom heard Alice's voice and came out of the kitchen.

"You aren't following her, Edward? That would be silly and wrong. She stayed for you all last week against her better judgement and she left for you, you know. She knows she isn't good for you. Don't make that meaningless."

"No, Mom, I am not following her. As you have so rightly pointed out, there's no point. If she wanted me, she'd still be here but she chose him, again. I just need to get away and be by myself for a few days."

Alice followed me out to the garages and I selected a sleeping bag and groundsheet, plus a small tent. Made for two, but there was only one of me.

"You are coming back?" my sister asked anxiously. "I promised I'd look after you."

"Thanks, Sis. All I can say is, at this point in time, I have no plans to end myself and I am pretty sure that won't change. You know me; I'll be the grumpy brother who wastes his life waiting for the girl he loves to come back to him, while everyone else gets married and has kids, and he leaves it all too late."

"Take me with you," she begged.

I hesitated.

"Why not? You won't cramp my style, seeing I plan to just sleep out under the stars and do very little but think. You could be useful. Pack some casual clothes and I'll get some supplies from the kitchen. You can be chief cook and bottle washer while I get on with grieving."

Esme was so relieved to know I wasn't going off alone to curl up and die in the forest as she had feared that she packed us up far more food than the two of us could possibly eat and drink in a week, so all I added was a couple of bottles from Dad's bar.

I packed another sleeping bag and tent, thinking it would possibly be a little too weird sharing such a small space with my sister, and we were off. No destination in mind, just 'somewhere else' that would hold no memories of Bella.

We made one stop, at the hospital, then continued on our way. I wasn't ever sure how faithful Jake was to Bella and so a test was in order, to make sure what we had done had no bad consequences. She'd promised to do the same. I trust Bella with my life but sleeping with her was virtually sleeping with him and every partner he had ever had. I'd never bought the story that he'd always been faithful to her, like she thought.

When we were teens, he was always looking over the other girls, especially Jessica, whom he seemed to have some interest in, even as he stood there with his arm around an oblivious, adoring Bella. When it was just us guys in a group, he was always making crude jokes about how much he looked forward to 'ploughing' into her as soon as she turned eighteen. He had never had a romantic interlude in mind as their first time, that was for sure.

Alice added my acoustic guitar to the mix of supplies so that night when we stopped by a small creek and set up camp, I sat and strummed mindlessly while my sister attempted to light a campfire and cook a pan of sausages over the open flame.

"Grubs up," she called, serving us both.

"Sausages and beans. We are quite the cowboys," I chuckled. I opened a bottle of Carlisle's favourite single malt and swallowed some down with my meal.

Alice watched my every move like a hawk with a nanny complex.

"Are you going to be okay? I can't imagine how you feel right now."

"Pretty damned numb, actually. Confused."

"Why confused? You knew she was going to go one day soon no matter what."

"My head knew that but my stupid heart kept hoping she'd change her mind and stay," I admitted.

"Bella would never let you think that, surely."

"No, she never made me any promises apart from the one that she would leave."

"Are you sorry you slept with her?" my sister asked, looking at the flames as she burnt some s'mores . I was unsurprised she knew every detail. She and Bella had never kept secrets from one another. Bella considered my sister as part of her own 'family' so she wouldn't even consider not sharing with her, just because I happened to be Alice's brother. Not that anything mattered now.

I was never ashamed of anything we had done and I'd still do it all again if it was all I could have of her in my next life.

"Which time, Alice? The first time, when she was a virgin and so was I, before she ran back to Jacob and pretended he was her first a week later? Or this time, when she pity fucked me goodbye?"

The alcohol was loosening my tongue and anyway, I wanted people to know. Bella was partly mine and she had given me something that no amount of play acting could change. I'd loved her first. I'd been inside her before he had.

"I always suspected she had been with you before Jake. Bella never told me, but I saw the way she looked at you that day when she came home to meet up with him to let him cash her v card."

"Don't bother telling me how she looked at me. I have as much as I can handle right here, right now. I don't want to know. The past is just the past."

"It wasn't with shame or pity, if that's what you are thinking. Anyway, there's no way she pity fucked you. To start with, Bella doesn't do pity parties. I really don't think she meant to hurt you any more than she already had. I think she wanted to create some special memories for you both. Before she went back to him and began her real life."

"She has what she wanted all along, now," I sighed. "Maybe you are right. Maybe she did want to share a little of herself with me. I just can't believe she is gone. She'll be there by now, in his bed probably."

My hands clasped themselves into fists without any input from my brain, and I lay the guitar down.

More alcohol seemed like a good idea about now.

"Don't die of alcoholic poisoning or anything. I've never driven that car and I know you'd come back and haunt me if I smashed it up, trying to take your dead body home."

"Leave me here, if I die. I'll gladly let the wildlife have my remains for supper. What's anyone going to want my dead body for, anyway, at home? Esme would probably bury me in her garden, alongside the cat."

"Poor cat," Alice mumbled. "At least she had an interesting life, Edward. She got to fall in love, and almost have a family with the tomcat she adored. Sometimes things are just not meant to be. I bet she's happier wherever she is now than if she'd lived a long virginal life locked in that crate. She was a wild cat by the end. They have to be free."

"You may be right. I've never blamed you, by the way. Just so you know. That's the way things go when you shirk your responsibilities. She was mine and I turned my back on her when someone better came along."

"That's the thing I don't get. The love at first sight thing. Half the population thinks it doesn't exist, and the other half that do believe, think it's like some Heavenly sign. You know, that there will be a happy ever after, or else what's the point? I always thought it was just a way to get to the important stuff quicker. Like, without all the 'Does he love me? Do I love him?' bit where you pluck the petals off flowers and get to know one another and hope you will be compatible. It's meant to be a message. 'Here's your One, don't muck about, get married or something.' I thought it was a guarantee."

"Maybe it is if the one you fall instantly in love with loves you back and doesn't already think her soul mate is some dick she already knows."

"Yeah, he's just not that likable right? I mean, he is kind of beautiful, I will give him that, but his attitude to Bella? It sucks. I worry. You know how Dad has always warned me about 'types' to avoid? Controlling types, wife beating types? I just wonder if she would even tell anyone and seek help if he did push her around? Or if she truly is one of those women that take it, because they are so in love their brain goes into hibernation."

"I can't believe she would put up with physical abuse. He definitely controls her, as much as anyone can control Bella. I hated the way she freaked the fuck out about her hair, for God's sake. It's hair. It grows back. Anyway, she should be able to cut it any way she chooses. It's her damned hair, not his."

"She lives to make him happy."

"Yet that makes the fact she cheated on him so strange. She would never hurt him in any way. She'd take a bullet for him without thinking, yet she did the one thing most guys just could not get past. If he ever found out, he would probably leave her without even asking her why."

"Or kill her," Alice added.

"No, I don't believe that. In Jake's world, everything has to be about him, and I don't think prison sex is on his list of things to experience before he dies. He likes drama and keeping Bella down and in her place. Playing cat and mouse might amuse him, if she was the mouse. Maybe he would just hint that he knew something had happened, and leave her guessing how much he actually knew was fact, and how much was bluff. He'd enjoy baiting her."

"Charlie hates him, right?" Alice asked.

"I don't know that hate is the right word. He definitely thinks I'd be better for her than Jake is. But Charlie can't possibly think Jake would actually hurt her or he'd just shoot him. Cops can do that shit and cover their tracks. His men would swear Jake had a knife in his hand and was threatening their Chief of Police's life, and he had no choice. Even if Charlie had to put his own knife into Jacob's dead hand himself. He'd do it, Alice, if he thought for one moment that Jake would beat on Bella."

"Yeah, you are right. I think Jake is more subtle, anyway. He loves his games and punishing her by freezing her out if she annoys him, because he knows she is so starved for affection by not having a Mother when she grew up. It really hurts her when he won't kiss her."

"To my way of thinking, refusing to kiss her is punishing yourself as well. She's wonderful to kiss.

She really does love the feel of lips on her lips. We spent hours just snogging some nights when she was feeling down or lonely. No matter who she loved the most, she never refused to let me kiss her."

"Edward, you may delude yourself that the rest of the family never saw you two liplocking over the years but we did. Every chance you got, it seemed. Emm and I had a competition one year, to see who could take the most photos of kissing episodes between you two, on our phones. You were home here six weeks and I got thirty something photos. Thirty six , I think, and Emmett got even more because he would just follow you two upstairs and snap them through your bedroom doorway, or hide in your closet and wait for you to sneak her up there for a kiss."

"Do you still have them? I'd like to see them sometime. In the future, not now, obviously."

Alice shrugged.

"Maybe. I kind of thought they'd be cute to blow up and have on easels around the church if you two ever got married. To one another, of course."

"Well, that will never happen. I bet she marries him within six months. He'll push her and she'll agree, because she thinks she owes him for cheating on him."

If that happens, we will never be together again. I shuddered in horror at the possibility.

"Did Emmett ever tell you about the girl Jake used to meet after gym? He never actually saw them do much but just kiss or hold hands so I guess it could have just been a friendship, like you and Bella."

"Even if he was sleeping with this chick, and he confessed one day, Bella would justify it because she slept with me. She'd just forgive him and hope he could forgive her back."

"Maybe she would have a point," Alice replied. "Even playing fields, and all that."

Alice went to bed in her sleeping bag in her tent, and I sat by the fire and fed the flames when they died down, and let myself have one last night where I could allow the memories to flood my brain, before I had to lock them away before they killed me.

In the early hours, the chill of the night forced me into my own makeshift bed, and to my surprise, the sleeping bag smelled like Bella, and I remembered she had used it on the sunlounger as a buffer over the cold surface of the wood last night when we were stargazing.

I rolled my pillow up and hugged it to my chest, and slept, dreaming of our last night together.

I awoke in the morning covered in feathers, so I think maybe I had acted out some parts of my dream.

"You killed it," Alice said when she peered in my tent to check if I was awake yet.

"Don't worry, I killed it with love," I replied.

xxxx

Alice and I arrived back home two days before I started at the hospital. In my head, I kept a calendar and updated it daily although I had no contact with Bella herself.

My updates were brief; like "today Bella begins working at Metro."

I wanted to send her flowers, just to say 'Good Luck', but of course, I didn't.

Alice did.

We'd agreed on a clean break , like there had been any other option, so I did hunger for any snippets of news about her, and my only possible sources were my sister, who obviously stayed in touch with her best friend; and Charlie.

I often held my cellphone and typed in quick texts, usually just asking if she was okay, and wishing her luck even though her good luck was my bad luck, but I resisted sending them. Just writing then erasing them helped.

One really bad night while we were camping, Alice had imbibed with me and with her much lesser body weight, she was drunk while I was annoyingly unaffected, so I carried her into her tent and left her to sleep, while I paced the campsite and agitated.

I heard Alice's phone ping and found it where it had fallen from her pocket, on the ground outside her tent opening. I checked it wasn't Esme, whom I knew was keeping tabs on me via several texts to Alice each day.

But it wasn't Esme.

It was the same message Mom asked, mind you.

_Is Edward okay?_

I sat and stared at the words on the iPhone screen for a long time, in the flickering firelight.

I could answer. I could pretend to be Alice, and actually converse with my Bella, and she would never know.

What to do?

I checked the other already read messages on the phone and read a conversation they'd had days earlier.

B:_How is Edward?_

_A: Coping. Barely. Missing you._

_B: I miss him. Truly. He has been my bff for so long, now it's hard to accept we can never speak to one another again._

_A: Regrets?_

_B: A million. I wish I could have split myself in two, and one version stayed with him._

_A:How are you?_

_B: Physically? Cranky because it's THAT time of the month._

Girlspeak for Edward didn't knock me up. More's the pity.

A:Mentally?

_B: Coping but then I have Jake. I chose Jake. I remind myself of that every day and it helps._

_A:How is he treating you?_

_B:You know how absence supposedly makes the heart grow fonder? Well, it's true. He missed me terribly and he's treating me like a Princess._

_A: Good. I'm sure Edward would want me to send you his love._

_B: Look after him for me, and Alice, when he starts at FH, please remind him he promised me he'd try. One of the 3 new nurses must be to his liking, surely? I hope._

_A:We all can but hope. Gotta go, Big Brother is literally watching me type from across the campfire._

_B:Be safe and I do love u both and miss _you. xxxxx

_A:same xxx_

So, basically she had regrets but she was happy with the choice she had made. The same choice she had always made, even before we met. My entering her life had changed very little, just the occasional 'detour' off her main stairway to Heaven.

My arms literally ached. We had always been very tactile; always touching, and now I touched nobody. I hugged my own torso with my needy arms and felt like a fool. They could never hold me together. I was constantly surprised to not see my innards fall to the ground to be stomped one, because I felt so empty. My lips missed her terribly as well. I touched them a lot, with my fingertips, because they had touched her lips.

My heart was just too fucked up to mention.

I turned Ali's phone off and tossed it into her tent.

xxxx

The next morning, we returned home. I left my sister to sort out what needed washing, and what to put back in the pantry and just showered for a long time, feeling the water touch my body.

The showers Ali and I had used on the road were basic and often only had a limited amount of hot water rationed for each user.

Now I could stand under the scalding heat for as long as I wanted.

I liked this shower, my shower.

We'd only had one session of shower sex , ever.

Our last time together.

The last time I was in this shower, I was in here with Bella, and inside her body.

She had clasped her legs around my pelvis and I'd backed her up against these very tiles, and held her buttocks in my hands as I fucked her.

Strangely, most vivid was the memory of looking into her eyes and watching her as she convulsed around me as I thrust inside too hard, too wildly, needing to see pain reflected in those brown orbs as I pulsated inside her.

She gazed back and understood.

And accepted it.

And forgave me.

I kissed her in apology and made love to her gently, as I always had before.

The last time had to be like the first time, because it was closure.

All the closure I would ever get from her.

It didn't turn me on, remembering what we had done here, it just made me sad and I could almost see the ghost of us as I'd held her to my body and cried into her hair, not caring if the water hid my tears.

Fuck I cry a lot.

For someone who never cried since he was an infant, I've cried a river of tears lately.

With her, without her.

I can still smell her on my skin, as impossible as that may be.

No matter how many showers I take, I can't wash away the feel of her.

I dressed and went to visit Charlie.

I knew I looked bad but then, all I'd eaten in over a week was whatever my sister forced me to swallow down after she burned the fuck out of it over the campfire. It didn't matter, I'd lost my sense of taste. That was probably a blessing.

And I'd drunk every bottle of Dad's alcoholic beverages that I'd taken. My liver was probably in shock. Bella and I had drunk on occasion but not a lot, and I had little tolerance.

My skin was so white now I'd looked almost tanned before, by comparison.

The dark circles under my ruby red eyes would have made an Emo proud.

"Edward," Charlie said, stepping back in alarm as he opened his front door. "Come in."

"I know. I look like shit. I look like I feel."

"I'm just glad you are still breathing. I've visited your Mom every day to check all was well."

"You are the one person who knows what I'm going through."

"I do, truly. I still see the images I had in my head those first few weeks, of Renee with him, and I didn't even know what he looked like. It must be even harder for you, knowing Jake."

"Absolutely."

"I imagined this Phil The Semi-famous Baseball guy was really gorgeous so I could tell myself she fell for the pretty, but when I finally found out who he was and looked at photos of him in the sports pages, he's just ordinary. She didn't run off with him because she wanted someone better looking. Just someone better suited to her needs."

"Is there anything you would change if you could turn back time?"

"What? Like, dig a cellar and lock her in it? Nope. That's what it would have taken to make her stay."

"I just can't imagine anyone ever being able to voluntarily leave Bella."

"Renee never had a maternal bone in her body. To her, Bella was the result of a 'mistake'."

"God, I hope Bella never sees herself that way. No baby should be reduced to just being created in error."

"Renee did not want to be a Mom, obviously. It surprises me that Bella does want to have kids one day. You'd think being rejected and abandoned by your own Mother would put you off, but you know our Bella. She wants to prove she can be a good Mom, despite Renee. She will be."

"Promise me you will give me a heads up when Bella does ...conceive."

That was the least personal word I could come up with.

"It will be when His Royal Highness wants a little Prince, not before."

"Is he treating her okay? Does she tell you the truth or just cover for him all the time?"

"Bella tells me like it is. She isn't blind to his many faults, she just thinks they are excusable.

Some things she won't tolerate, believe it or not. She sounds happy, and she says he is being the perfect gentleman and the man she always knew he could be. Of course, he has clients to impress now and he needs them to present a unified front and be the image of a happy couple."

"It's less important why he has changed, just as long as he is caring for her, and cherishing her," I replied.

"Well, at the moment he is doing that and she is happy."

"I do want her to be happy, believe it or not," I admitted, flexing and unflexing my fingers, not looking at his face. Charlie alone would not see me as some weak, ineffectual man who couldn't keep his woman, yet let her control every thought and emotion he had.

"I fucking love her so much."

"It does get ...not easier exactly, but more comfortable to live with. Someday this will just be your life, unless you manage to do what I never did for so long, and move on. There is some truth to the theory of fucking a woman out of your head. I can't say I spare Renee a thought when I'm...intimate with some generous lady who helps me out. You owe Bella nothing. If you go let some pretty nurse practice her bedside manner on you nobody will think any less of you."

"Only me myself. The thought of being inside some other woman...it not only seems like betrayal of what we shared, it just does not appeal to me. I do worry it will always be this way. I've never had sex with anyone but Bella, so for me, sex and love go together and as I will never love anyone else..." I shrugged.

"You could try it once. You know she sleeps with Jake so if you did try any cure that involved sex with another woman, it still just makes you square with her."

"Maybe if I was a teenager I'd justify it like that, but I'm an adult and there is no reason I'd want to let some random woman take Bella's place as the last and only woman I slept with. I want to savour and remember what we shared for a while."

"Don't let it go on for over twenty years like I did, then."

"Nope, fifteen years tops," I joked.

"You might be lucky. Bella always tried to get me to date by pointing out everyone is born having seven soul mates so looking for one of the others is an option. Maybe one of the new nurses?"

"God, is everyone in this town going to push me into bed with whichever nurse they decide is 'my type'? Poor woman. Who would want anything to do with someone as fucked up as I am? I wouldn't touch me with a twenty foot pole."

"Well, it's just a thought. Look them over and chat to them; maybe one will stand out from the rest."

"I'm starting to suspect your daughter has paid off everyone here to make sure I follow through with the promise I made her, and I just said it to shut her up so I could, um, kiss her."

"Oh, right, I have something you may or may not want. Just wait a minute."

He went to his desk in the hallway and came back with a packet of photos.

"Bella's sixteenth birthday. I swear I just assumed she was alone in the backyard, after everyone left, when I took that last photo. Just to finish off the roll of film."

Pre digital images of Bella, so young and beautiful. Greeting guest, cutting her cake, dancing, talking to Rose while looking anxiously at the entrance where she hoped Jacob would appear, and finally, a photo of our very first kiss.

I don't suppose many people get to document the first time they kiss a girl, any girl, in my case.

My girl.

I tucked the photo into my pocket and handed him the happy snaps back.

"Thanks Charlie. That's one memory that's safe to treasure. I keeping building up these walls in my head to lock her away but she keeps taking the bricks down again, one at a time, and smiling at me. Like Alice said, what's the fucking point of me feeling this way if it never leads to what I want?"

"Edward, there are other times you will have feelings that go unused. I always had this longing for a son. I could see him, almost, he was so real. I never got to bring him into the world and it took a lot of years for those feelings to fade. They never got used. Lots of people want a child and never get one; once again, wasted love, wasted feelings. Or they want a baby of the opposite gender to the kids they have, and what do you do with all that love if you don't redirect it into the 'wrong-sex' gender children you do have, or the nieces and nephews your siblings produce, or the woman who actually loves you back and stays with you?

Don't waste any more of your love than you have to. Learn from me. I could be standing here with Bella's half-brother, boasting to you about his sports prowess or his fishing skills or even the pretty paintings he does. I could have had that boy, just not with Renee. I would have still loved him. I would have never felt he was second best just because his mother was."

He reddened when he realized what he had said.

"That's it exactly, Charlie. Is it ever fair to marry some girl knowing she is second best?"

"It's either that or being alone, and who knows, in time she may even become best.

Renee never treated me well or tried to stick to her wedding vows. If she was truly my best choice then my life really does suck.

I do thank God I have Bella."

"Don't think I won't envy you that, Charlie. You will always have Bella."

xxx

On my first day at work, Carlisle had babbled on, giving me far too many personal details about each of the nurses as I set up my office beside his.

"Kate is your age. She has long straight hair, a great statuesque body, kind of like Rose's, and good sense of humour. She's had a long term relationship that ended eighteen months ago, so she's pretty much over him.

Heidi is also tall and blonde but petite, and has very shapely legs."

I coughed.

"I'm married, Edward, not dead. Bree is the one I debated over hiring. You'll see why. She's a lovely girl and her expertise in emergency admissions made me reluctant to not hire her just because of the way she looks."

"She's what? Plain? Ugly? Looks like Mom and you fear me developing some Mommy complex?"

"She looks like Bella."

"Great," I growled.

"Not like her twin or anything that would put you off her. She's just...if you gave a cop a description, he would arrest either Bree or Bella. Or both, because they are physically very similar. Bree has no paint in her hair, though."

"Damn, because it's the paint in Bella's hair that made me love her," I replied snarkily.

I would have preferred just throwing myself into my work, as I could have had Lorna and Betty still been here instead of these replacements, but that wasn't an option.

"Come on, just meet them. Nobody is asking you to propose."

I paused, realizing something.

"That's another thing I will never get to experience, isn't it? I'll never go down on one knee and feel my heart in my mouth as I wait in fear and anticipation for the answer. Weirdly, I've never really imagined myself waiting at the top of the aisle in some church or whatever, but I have always expected to propose."

"You still can."

I turned to face him.

"I would have expected you, of all people, to understand why that will never happen. Would there have ever been anyone else for you if Esme had turned you down or loved someone else more?"

"Bella wants you to move on. She specifically asked that you date and try to find another of your soul mates. I would have thought you would do anything she asked, if you truly loved her."

"Don't be ridiculous. It's because I truly love her that I don't want to look for anyone else. I would always be settling, and you and Mom told me to never settle but to follow my heart. You can't change the rules now."

"Your Mom and I don't want you to end up all alone. Look at how happy you are about your niece or nephew being on the way. Even Alice and your Mother are less thrilled than you are, and they are both over the moon. You want to have kids of your own, obviously. It is always more desirable to bring them into a family situation, not have them with several different women or whatever the trend is now. You need a wife and a home of your own."

"I've been thinking about the home part. You are right about that. I was wondering how you and Mom would feel if I restored another of the original buildings on your land, like we did for Mom's salon? The one right down the back next to the creek?"

"The old church?" Dad asked.

"You have no plans for it, right? It's such a beautiful structure and I want to save it before it turns into a pile of rubble like the smaller cottages have."

"You are welcome to it, of course, but will it be large enough to make into a family home? It has limited floor space, even if it has that towering roof line."

"I was planning on putting in a second story. If it had a new floor installed halfway up the walls, both levels would be about eight foot tall floor to ceiling. Of course, the upper floor would have the sloping roof line but that can look cosy with dormer windows added. The builder says the frame is actually pretty sound for it's age and it wouldn't be a complete rebuild. He can work with what there still is, and the beams are in excellent condition."

"I didn't know you had ever been down there since the first time we explored the whole properly when we moved into the house."

Bella and I had spent many hours sitting inside the church ruins when we were needing somewhere private to talk during our High School years. Jake tended to monopolize her if we met up in a group, so we had found our own place to chill out and discuss the things that were important to us alone. Hanging out around the house was never a good idea if Emmett was around, though I hadn't known he had been taking photos of us.

I knew Alice had saved every snap either of them took, plus every photo we had that Bella and I were both in, and I had handed the photo Charlie gave me over to her to fit in the album she had made. I had no doubt it was added in chronologically, no matter how much work that had created for Alice to rearrange the others and make space for it.

My sister seemed to be the only other person, apart from myself, who knew Bella was made for me, and accepted it was something to be celebrated and not just mourned over. We had shared some amazing experiences together, and even Jake could not take them away from us. The time on Esme's Island had been our Paris, and what a Paris it had been.

Despite what anyone else thought, I was able to accept whatever 'scraps' she gave me and let them be enough. I had only two choices. Cherish every minute she was mine and remember those very best times to keep me going until she came to spend quality time with Charlie, or curl up and die. I had negotiated her into a part time but ongoing permanent relationship, and to me that was epic. It was only the beginning; I had much larger plans in mind over time. If she didn't want to participate, all she had to do was get Jake to marry her or knock her up, and I prayed daily neither would happen for many years yet, if at all.

Jake would only marry her if it benefited him and his business, I strongly believed. He would prefer keeping her hanging on without proper ties, just because he could. The less he offered the more compliant she was toward him.

I exchanged pleasantries with the nurses, and spoke to them all every day since, but I wasn't quite ready to fulfill my promise to date any of them. Surely I was allowed to get to know them first. I had no interest in what Heidi was clearly offering. Sex without ties.

The only kindness this Universe had showed me was letting my libido hibernate when Bella wasn't around, offering to share her body with mine. High School had been difficult , seeing back then I had no control over what she would do to make me hard no matter where and when, in public or not. Just seeing her toss her hair back was often enough. I had not been the only one with that problem. I was pretty sure Mike had only spent half his life banging Jessica because he couldn't have Bella, the girl he really wanted. She started the fire in him and Jess extinguished the flames.

She had offered to do the same for me, but it was never what I wanted and I could not see how it would be enough. My hand may have been a poor substitute but it didn't create any complications and my life had been confused enough without me using girls to stand in for Bella and nothing has changed.

I would rather wait for my two weeks than fool around having the random sex I'd planned on having as a young teen.

I have always been so glad I waited.

I know traditionally it's the girl who never forgets her first but Bella had fulfilled my dearest wish by coming on to me that night and let's face it, it had only been a matter of time before I'd tried something with her myself. I took her to New York hoping a lot of things would happen between us, and at least that one amazing night had.

It hadn't begun with a nice dinner and a bottle of special wine like I imagined, and there had been no rose petals or scented candles, but it still had been perfect.

xxxxx

Emmett's bachelor party was in full swing and as Rose had forbidden strippers, it was just us guys. I was quite buoyed up, because Bella and I had exchanged texts today, and she had initiated it. Originally we had agreed not to do that, but I was the last person about to remind her. It wasn't much but it was something and if I could keep even this small amount of contact, I would be a happier man.

My brother had plenty of friends and even the old gang from Boston was here, as well as the gym members my brother had trained over the years.

Most were safely settled down and married, though one, Joe, was already cheating on his wife of barely three years.

"Why do you do it?" Emmett asked, genuinely puzzled.

"She cheated on me first. I found out after we got married that she had herself another lover the whole time we were dating. They always planned to stop fucking around behind my back once we got engaged, like that made a difference. I just couldn't trust her once I found out. Bitch should have been honest and I never would have married her."

I drained my glass and let someone refill it.

"She was your first, too, wasn't she? So, she met him and cheated after you two were already having sex? That's cold," somebody said.

"He was an old friend and they 'couldn't help themselves'. He didn't want to marry her, just fuck her. It suited him for her to be fucking me as well, so if she got knocked up, like she did, everyone would assume the kid was mine. Instant obvious on the spot Baby Daddy. He got to break up with her because it was no longer 'right', what they had been doing, and I blindly assumed I was responsible for her condition and married her. Now I have a kid that I don't know if I fathered."

"People sure fuck up their lives," Emmett sighed, looking my way.

"Hey, Jake's not here. I thought he was your show pony," one of the local men commented.

"Jake's living in New York," Emmett replied. "He's doing well. Got himself a business partner. Did you know Same Uley? He was another of my success stories, before Jake. They have a thriving ad agency."

"He ever settle for one girl again? Fuck, I have never known anyone else who got to cash their v card at an orgy! I tell you, Jake was a wild man."

I stopped breathing.

Emmett frowned and encouraged this man to keep talking."That sounds like a suitable bachelor party story. Tell us more."

"Well, you know how in High School he had that uptight little girlfriend who wouldn't put out? Chief Swan's daughter, Bella? He went to this party one night, and she had refused to go with him because she had better things to do.

He gets very pissed off and comes alone to the party and gets a little drunk. Now Jessica...raise your glasses if you experienced the delights of Jessica Stanley, boys!"

A dozen men raised their drinks and toasted Jessica.

"Jessica has just discovered not only does she love sex but she likes multiple partner sex, get my drift, so she starts up this orgy at the party, and she and her posse decide they want to 'sacrifice a virgin'. Jake puts his hand up and the girls take him into the bedroom."

"That doesn't mean he had sex with all three," Emmett pointed out.

"He certainly claimed to have done so."

"Guys that age would say anything," Emmett replied. "How come we never heard this story before?"

"Jessica warned everyone there that they had better not tell tales to Bella or anyone else, or someone would step in a stop her parties from happening. Nobody wanted to risk that."

"I heard Jake's girlfriend was fooling about with some guy anyway," Paul added.

Silence descended on the group.

"Who?" Emmett asked.

The guy shrugs.

"I don't know if it's true, and sorry man, if it isn't, but Jake always suspected his Bella was fucking your brother here, Edward."

"In High School?" Emmett questioned.

The man shrugged.

"After that party, Jake started keeping tabs on Bella so he could meet up with Jessica and Lauren and the other girls who liked what he liked. They always used condoms, Jess insisted on that, so nothing could spoil their fun, but I hope Bella got herself tested regularly, all the same, if she was sleeping with Jake."

I'd had myself tested and was clear but if Jake was still living this lifestyle, Bella would always be at risk. I hope he at least had the sense to always use protection.

"What made Jake think there was something going on between her and Edward, because I know for a fact they were both virgins when they left here for college," my brother stated.

"She was missing on many nights when she was suppose to be home in bed. He followed her once and he said she met up with Edward at this very pool room. After dark. I mean, I guess they could have just been taking a midnight swim together but she left her swimmers outside on the lounger and so..."

He shrugged again and drank his beer.

"I was teaching her to swim, actually," I stated. "She couldn't swim and she didn't want my brother to know that. I bought her a decent bikini, she hated the one piece Charlie bought for her. He's managed to add one and one and come up with three. I never touched her in High School."

Paul opened another beer.

" He said there had been a lot of times when he couldn't find her, even in the daytime and Charlie just said she was with you guys. Don't sweat over it, Edward. He had girlfriends at SeattleU, I know that for a fact. He tried dating my sister until I went to have a quiet chat with him and set him straight.

He tried the old 'we are having an open relationship while so far apart in college' line but I saw him and Bella in the breaks. I guess he hadn't counted on me coming home to visit my parents like a good little son. I saw them together every time and they looked pretty much joined at the hip to me."

Wow, if only we had known that piece of information at the time. If we'd spent those four years sleeping together, I am sure I'd be her eight months and he the four by the time we had graduated.

The dark haired man who had spoken first joined in again.

"Once he told me this insane story about Bella coming back in break from college and faking that he was her first when he knew she'd been with Edward for years. He had to play along and pretend he didn't know how to fuck, so that must have been one crazy night."

"Edward and Bella were just friends," Emmett said. "Anyway, if he believed she was screwing my brother, why did he stay with her?."

"Why not? It suited him very much. He said it opened the door for him to keep sexing anyone he wanted and if she caught him, what could she say? He could just point out she was a cheating cow from the start. She drove him to it. He liked that situation and he was very confident she would never choose Edward anyway, because she didn't love him. She _lurves_ Jake and wants to marry him and have his babies. And he can 'work late' whenever he chooses and she will accept it because she feels guilty."

I stood up and walked away. There was truth, mixed in with the lies, after all. But Jake knew?

My biggest fear is if Charlie gets drunk at their wedding and informs Jake like he longs to, Jake will attempt to hold onto his pride by telling him how he began his own sex life a lot sooner and in a much wilder fashion than Bella did, and she will be shattered.

I should never have told Charlie; I do regret sincerely what I said to him that day.

But all this stuff about Jake and other women was shocking. I'd always suspected he had slept with someone else, but never imagined he had screwed around on this scale. I was glad she slept with me first, even moreso now. She became a woman with a man who truly cherished her in a bed filled with love and she would never have gotten that from him.

I will do everything in my power to ensure he never marries her, even if it means asking Emmett to tell her everything that had been said here tonight.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Chapter 7**

**I did tell you Aussies are not big on celebrities right? Read this:**

**"WEARING dark sunglasses and with guitar in hand, a smiling Robert Pattinson touched down in Adelaide yesterday ahead of the start of production on his new South Australian film.**

The _Twilight_ star stopped to pose for photos with a group of five lucky fans at Adelaide Airport before he prepares for his role in the futuristic western_ The Rover_, which will be shot in the SA Outback starting this month."

Yes, **five whole fans! LOL.**

Safe

Chapter 7

Blinkers Off/Full Disclosure

BPOV

If I thought college was full on, I was kidding myself.

This job was the very definition of full on.

The sheer number of magazine staff had surprised me, and the fact the company had four entire floors was a shock. Everyone was busy, all the time and I knew I had to knuckle down from day one and work my arse off too. Nobody would be cutting me some slack just because I was the new girl.

"Bella, we need this" "Bella, we need that", "Bella get Tom in here now" "Bella get these to Philip immediately" "Find Charlotte, where the fuck are the proofs?". It seemed my job was to do whatever I was told to do. It did occur to me that maybe a nice slow introduction to this career would have been nice, like a job on the Forks Times for example.

Too late now. I had to arrange a meeting, interview some boy band I'd never heard of and pretend they were amazing, and check that the photos from the outdoor shoot from last week were ready.

It had been a bitch of a shoot, and the hot young actor was nothing but a pain in the bum.

He only wanted to be photographed front on, not in profile. He didn't like his cute little nose, though it was his third so far.

He spent an hour debating about what he wanted to wear.

Jake would have suggested a pink tutu and ballet slippers had he been there.

Peter's fans were gathering and screaming his name and making us all feel like slapping them and sending them home to their bedrooms. Didn't these little girls have Mothers? They looked to be no more than thirteen to fifteen and were screaming offers of sex and other things to a vain, stupid man twice their age.

I was pretty sure the girls were quite safe from him accepting their offers anyway.

Peter the Perfect had arrived in a limo with blacked out windows but I had caught sight of the semi naked man he had shared the backseat with when he emerged from the vehicle and I was pretty sure they were more being than friends in there on the way.

The weeks had flown by and it was hard to believe it had been a month and a half since I started work.

I was glad it was so full on and I had no time to brood. I had to stay in the present and concentrate on my duties and please my Boss, Jane, as she shouted orders and gave me a dozen more things to do before I was halfway through doing the last lot.

By Friday nights I was always ready to collapse.

Today was no different. Thank God for weekends.

I arrived home and tossed my coat onto a chair and sat down to rid my poor aching feet of the heels that tortured me every step I took. Oh for the days when Chucks were my little sign of rebellion. I'd refused to go all citified while at college but now I had no choice.

Jake was waiting, dressed in his newest suit. He kept updating it and paying a few extra hundred dollars each upgrade, as the money slowly rolled in.

I plastered a smile on my face when he told me we were expected in a restaurant in thirty minutes to meet some important people for dinner.

Great, just what I felt like. A night out fawning over some reluctant potential clients, trying to convince them to sign up with the agency.

I allowed myself ten minutes in the bath, after shaving off any new body hair under the shower.

The warmth of the bath soothed away my tension and I relaxed and just blanked my mind for the first time in a week, as my fingers rubbed the little star on my wrist and reminded me of the stars at home. I never let my mind wander further.

The room was full of steam and so cozy that I had to battle so my eyelids didn't close.

Well, okay, maybe my eyes could rest just for a minut_e._

"Bella, come on, it's been twenty minutes and we have to be there in ten. You need to dress and do your hair and everything."

I opened my eyes in shock as Jake grabbed my arm and pulled me from the bathtub. He picked up a towel and started drying my back and I grabbed a second one and dried my front.

"Were you asleep?" he asked as he pulled the hairpins from my hair and let it fall down my back. It was all the same length again, now the layers had grown out. Maybe Jake had accelerated it's growth by his need to have it back how it was before.

He took my hairbrush and started brushing so it hung straight to my waist.

"I guess I was. What are the names of the couple we are dining with?" I asked.

"Sam managed to convince Aro Volturi to spare us an hour of his valuable time and we had a first meeting today. It went okay, we think, but he's one of the old school type and he and his brothers and their wives wants to meet our spouses."

"He thinks we are married?" I asked, as Jake zipped up the back of my best little black dress.

"No, I wouldn't lie about that. This dress is an excellent choice."

_He had chosen this frock himself when we were out shopping one day recently. He had stood there in the shop, holding it up on it's hanger, scrutinizing every inch of the fabric and cut from every angle._

_He had a great eye for fashion so I had just waited patiently for his verdict._

_"Yes, I think this could be a worthwhile investment. Try it on, please Bella," he had requested._

_I did as he asked and he had then scrutinized it again, on me this time._

_I looked at myself in the full length change room mirror and tried to see it through his eyes._

_Length good; just sitting midway between thigh and knee. Not too short, but still short enough so there would be a glimpse of thigh when I sat down._

_Rack present and accounted for. Nicely presented but not so on show it would drive anyone into a frenzy._

_The fabric hung very close to my body but did not cling anywhere, so my figure was completely outlined. Flat waist due to Jake's exercise and diet program._

_He did like to control what I ate, but his own diet was just as strict. Jake never ate anything that wasn't necessary and nutritious for his body. He still worked out every day and often I went to the gym with him of an evening and followed the routine my personal trainer had prescribed._

_I hated it at first and was convinced Jake wanted to kill me slowly, but now I had the hang of it, it wasn't that bad. It got easier the more often I did it, so I promised myself to never miss more than two nights in a row no matter how chaotic work got, even if it meant I was working out after midnight._

_Sacrifice._

_That's the cost of being fit._

_Any slight pudginess I may have had when I moved here was gone and now my upper arms were strong and my arse had never looked better._

_I even did a few extra sessions on weekends if I knew I was going to be tempted to eat 'something bad' at work, like if someone was bringing in a birthday cake for a colleague._

_If I kept my measurements and weight at precisely the recommended levels, I didn't see how a mouthful of chocolate mudcake now and then would kill me or undo all the good I had done._

_I never mentioned these little indulgences to Jake; I was learning._

_If he didn't know, I didn't have to see the disappointment in his eyes. He may have supernatural self control but I never have had, and never will. Sugar may be our enemy but fuck it tastes good._

_I would possibly have found it easier to give up nicotine had I been a smoker, than kiss goodbye sugar forever._

"If the ladies like you and Emily, great, but it's the brothers we are trying to impress. Be nice to the men once the wives leave. Apparently the ladies are trained to do dinner then slip away and leave the men to discuss business, so watch me and I'll let you know whether or not to go with them. I'm not sure if Sam thinks it would be best to have some distractions on hand or not. It will be a last minute decision. If I suggest you and Emily might enjoy a drink together at the bar, just go. Don't argue."

"Yes Sir," I saluted.

My make-up routine was simple and Jake looked me over.

"Do the eyeliner. The Volturi brothers are used to women with more make-up than you wear and I like the smoky grey look but your eyes need framing."

Finally I passed muster and we left.

"God, I realize this is really important, I hope we aren't late," I panted as we hurried from the car to the restaurant, me wobbling a little on my extra high heels. I hate heels and running in them is not possible but I can at least go faster than a walk by now.

"I actually booked the table for thirty minutes later than I told you. That means, yes, we are the first to arrive. Well done," he said happily as we walked inside and he scrutinized the patrons. I waited for my kiss but it seemed tonight was all about business.

We sat at the bar and Jake watched the door, adjusting the knot in his tie frequently.

"Relax or you will sweat," I whispered, and he immediately went into calm mode.

"This meeting is vital. They have to approve of us as a couple. Don't lie about anything you won't remember clearly and be able to stick to, we can't get caught out. I'm sure they know everyone lives together first these days before tying the knot, so if they ask, just say we plan to get married next year."

He pulled a small square box from his pocket and opened it, slipping out a diamond ring, and putting it on my finger.

"There, that should get us some Brownie points. Make up some romantic proposal so the ladies think I'm awesome. Oh and make sure you tell me how it happened so I can avoid looking like a tool."

"The way Seth proposed to Rebecca was cute," I replied. I wished my proposal had been that sweet. I wish I'd been proposed to full stop.

Seth had taken her off to one of the tropical islands and gone down on bended knee on the beach at midnight, out the front of the little cabin they were staying in. It had been a full moon and he arranged a trio of musicians to be standing among the palm trees, so he could lure her out with the promise of a dance and as the song ended, he'd done it. Kneeling in the sand, shiny new ring in his hand.

Rebecca had no idea it was going to happen and as Seth paid someone to record it professionally to use as a prelude on their wedding day video, we had watched it ourselves, and every detail was clear in my head.

That may be because I had watched it six times.

"Good idea. Don't make me sound as much as a sap as Seth is though. He may have cried when she accepted, but I wouldn't have."

"Hey Bella, Jake, I see we beat them here," Emily said excitedly as she sat on the barstool beside mine. The men went into an instant huddle, heads together, planning last minute strategy.

"You look amazing," I said to Emily. How come her dress was sexy as fuck and not black?

"Hmm. I can't say I like me in red but Sam says I look good enough to eat, so..."

" Promises, promises. Hold him to that later tonight when you get home," I replied. Jake looked up and frowned, looking a little disturbed. Oral was not to his liking, unless he was getting it, not giving it.

"I wasn't sure about this dress myself, but Sam was pleased and he had the hem taken up three inches because, apparently, I have the best legs in the city."

He could be right. Emily is about five foot ten and as shapely as an old fashioned model, back when they actually ate food and had tits and a bum.

"Well, that's hardly an insult. Look what I just scored."

I held out my left hand and she all but screamed, reigning it is as she realized where we were.

"Oh my God Jake proposed. You said Yes!"

"Ah, yeah, sure. Actually it all happened on that romantic tropical island vacation he took me on," I informed her and she looked confused.

"You watched the video with me? Twice? You said it was way more exciting than how Sam proposed?" I hinted, raising my eyebrows.

"Seriously? You are stealing your friend's proposal?"

"Apparently the Volturi wives will be impressed."

"Okay. Were we there?"

"Of course not. But I told you every detail so you feel almost like you were."

"Right, I shall inform Sam so he doesn't put his foot in his mouth."

"Thanks."

"Heads up, look ravishing, ladies," Jake whispered.

xxxx

Dinner was nerve wracking but I managed to articulate so the Italians could understand what I was saying and not babble as fast as I usually did.

The three men were quite unlike each other, there was no family resemblance. Aro was obviously the Big Brother though Marcus was taller. Cas was a lot younger, a menopause baby maybe?

They were all charming and handsome and Aro kept his eyes on Emily for most of the night, despite the fact his wife was right there. I thought that was rude and even a little creepy. Cas flirted constantly with me but we were there for approval and decoration, so we both pretended being looked over like hunks of meat was cool. At least he was too young to be married and his behaviour was more acceptable, even if he must have known I was with Jake.

Finally the ladies, who had oohed and ahhed at my fiance's romantic proposal on the beach, left the table, taking Cass with them, and I watched Jake closely.

Aro leaned in to Sam and spoke privately to him and Sam paled, then sat up straighter and downed his drink in a single mouthful.

Uh oh, he didn't look happy.

"Thanks for coming, Bella and Jake. I'm sure you are eager to get home, I know you have that big event on early tomorrow, so you need your beauty sleep. Aro and Marcus and I will work out some things and we'll have a second meeting next week, Jake."

It seemed we were dismissed.

Emily looked a little nervous to be left there alone, but Jacob quickly said Goodnight for us both and took my arm, so I was out of the room without getting to speak to her.

"Do you think that went well? Fuck me, that Aro is hard to read," Jake complained as we headed to the BMW.

"He seemed to like Emily. Maybe he will sign with you just to get a few dinners out with her and her sexy dress. I swear, when he was whispering to Sam, all I could think was, I hope he isn't saying 'how much for the little girl?' " I laughed.

"What are you talking about?" Jake replied.

"It's a bad quote from a stupid movie. Sorry. Aro is rather intense and he looks like a man who gets whatever he wants."

"Then we had better hope he wants us."

I held my ring up into the light from the streetlamps we drove past. It was a beautiful ring. Just the type I'd expected Jake to buy.

"I suppose you had better wear that for a while, until we land the Volturi's."

"I don't get to keep it?" I exclaimed, disappointed.

"Bella, come on. Until I'm completely sure I can trust you, we will not be taking that step."

"What have I ever done to make you distrust me?" I asked, my heart thudding in my chest.

"Seriously? We are going to keep up the pretense for longer still? You fuck around, I fuck around, we always have. It doesn't mean much. Sometimes the wives hold the purse strings and I have to persuade them to persuade their husbands in turn to sign on the dotted line. For me it's all about business at least. Just don't get any ideas about running off with him and I will keep turning a blind eye, as I always have."

"Jake," I protested, but what was there to say, really?

"Bella, I love you and you love me and that's enough, right? When things get better and we are financially solid things will change, for both of us, understand?

For now I'm not too worried about you and him; if you loved him you would be there with him, and not here, so, obviously it doesn't mean a thing to you and never has. I understand the need to experience sex with different people, it's the same for me. Just don't assume I'm blind and deaf, Bella. I see the way you look at him and I hear what you cry out in your dreams. Don't take me for a fool. If it ever becomes something important, it has to stop."

"I will end it now, today," I promised, devastated how this night was ending.

Jake parked the car and and opened my door.

"No need, don't get all dramatic over this. It's out in the open and we no longer have to pretend and that's a good thing. Just never think of him while you are with me and we will be sweet, Babe. Hang that dress up, it cost a bomb."

To my surprise, Jake made love to me as if the conversation had never happened, and I lay there in the dark afterwards as he slept beside me, hating how he had managed to reduce what Edward and I shared to meaningless sex. But on the other hand, he was willing to put up with it, if that was what it was, so why try and convince him it was something more, when that would be something he would object to?

It was surreal, as if we'd slipped into an alternate Universe, and it was not until later I realized what else Jake had said. That he slept with clients wives. That he had always fucked around. That he had never been any more faithful than I had.

I had no right to feel wounded, but I did.

My fairy tale was far more fractured than I'd ever imagined.

xxxx

I must have slept because Jake woke me with a kiss and pulled me into his arms.

"Are you okay, Bella? Look, I never meant to lay it all on you that way, you pushed my buttons pretending to be all innocent. It's better now we know where we stand, right? I fully intend making you my wife one day and we will be faithful and monogamous and all that when we are married, but for now, it's not important. You obviously have always enjoyed sleeping with Edward. You clearly are not in love with him. Therefore it's no threat to us. The women I have been with have never meant anything, I can say that in complete honesty and sincerity.

Times have changed. People have open relationships by choice and it doesn't make them any weaker, or mean they love their partner any less. Look at it this way, now I don't have to make up excuses why I am working late and you don't have to pretend your two weeks in Forks is to be with Charlie. Label it however you want, and I would prefer you never discussed this with Emily, but for now nothing has to change.

I do truly love you, Bella.

Just think, if Charlie had made an agreement like this with Renee, you would have grown up with a mother. She needed other men and he put his foot down so she left. That did not benefit anyone but her. Charlie kept his pride and lost the love of his life and you grew up never knowing the woman who gave birth to you. I get it, it was different for them, they were married and had a kid, so he wanted her to stick to her vows. I expect you to stick to ours, too Bella. This all stops when my ring, any ring, is on your finger, okay?"

"Of course," I said. "Edward and I already agreed on that."

"Smart man. I don't blame him for wanting to fuck you; you are the most desirable woman on this planet after all. Just keep it cool and don't start imagining it's more than it is. Now, breakfast. Are we eating here or do you want to go out? Damn,I hope Sam gets back to me this morning, I had a hard time reading Aro last night, I just don't know which way things went. We need this account, Bella. If we get it, life will be sweet. The brothers will follow suit and sign as well and it won't matter if we never sign anyone else ever. Our life could be about to take a massive leap for the better, Babe. We just need to do whatever it takes to dazzle Aro."

xxxx

My life somehow went on, though I was still in a state of shock. Jake would see me suddenly stop whatever I was doing and stand there, stunned as our conversations replayed in my head over and over, and he would smirk and hug me.

"Baby, nothings changed. We are just bringing the lies and deceit out of the shadows and into the sunlight so they can't fester and spoil things. Our life is good, and one day it will be what you want it to be. Perfect. With no interlopers muddying the water. And we will do all the things I have promised. Get engaged for real; have the best wedding anyone has ever seen, and have our boys. Everyone makes sacrifices to attain their goals, and it will be so worth it in the long run."

Work was my refuge, where I could pretend last weekend never happened.

"Bella, we have a problem," Jane shrieked, sitting on my desk and lightening up a cigarette illegally, in our workplace. She sucked on it so hard I thought she'd inhale the entire thing, filter and all. Of course I could have requested , even insisted, she didn't smoke near me but it did seem to ground her so I merely opened a window and sat beside it, breathing in the untainted air as the breeze filled my office and wafted away the smoke.

"Tanya Denali can't come to us so someone has to go to her and get that interview."

I assumed I was the 'someone'.

"We can't reschedule?" I questioned, looking down my Daily Diary. I really did not have time to be running around after some diva who couldn't keep her commitment to come in here for a photo shoot and chat, just because her handbag dog Fluffykins broke a nail or whatever.

I'd never met Tanya but she had unknowingly given Edward and I , indeed the whole Cullen clan, a lot of amusement over the years.

She was tall and blonde and shapely and the first word to occur to anyone watching her babble in Red Carpet interviews was 'vacuous'. Her agent usually spoke for her, before she could make one of her ridiculous off the cuff statements that made every other actor there, even the rolling drunk up and coming young idiot brigade, sound intelligent and educated.

Like the time she said she only became an actress because she hoped to work with James Dean and didn't know why his career had just 'gone quiet' after he appeared in Giant.

She felt that bringing him back to Hollywood and giving him a second chance at a longer lived career was the reason she had been put on this Earth.

When it had been pointed out to her that even if he wasn't dead, he would now be in his eighties, she had been confused.

"But he only looks about twenty. Watch his movies, he looks very young for his age, then."

She was trailer trash, through and through and no amount of speech training and deportment lessons could quite erase that.

But she had the most amazing rack in Hollywood.

It was the sole reason she had made it as far as she had.

For all it's amazing dimensions, unlike most of her well stacked contemporaries, hers looked real.

She appeared in movies that barely escaped being classified as pure porn, so we had seen them larger than life on cinema screens many times and if she had bought those puppies, the surgeon was a genius.

They were flawless.

Edward decided he was the better judge, with him training in the medical profession and all, and although he could normally just give any actress a glance before ruling their breasts natural or enhanced, this set had him undecided.

He wanted them to be real, that was for sure, because all men secretly want God to have generously endowed any female that nicely.

Anyone rich enough could buy a set, but like so many others, he really hoped hers were the exception and were made by Nature.

He and Emmett had held many long deep and meaningful conversations on this one subject, and Carlisle found it hilarious that both his sons were so desperate to know one way or the other. It wasn't like either would meet her, or even wanted to. They were not attracted to her in any way more than in a primitive lustful manner their male genes had been encoded them to be.

But they both wanted to know.

"Why can't she come here, as arranged?" I queried.

"This is off the record and strictly between us, not for publication or gossiping about , but her last 'freshening up' left her nipples uneven. She wants to sue the surgeon, but then everyone would know why and her secret would be out. Therefore she is being 'readjusted' this week and doesn't have time to fly here before she leaves for London. You have to go to her."

Bam. I was right. I win. It was a hollow victory.

Just coping with my new, open, honest, free of deceptions life was taking up most of my energy. My brain kept wanting to drift and speculate who Jake had been with, before he moved here. There were females in our hometown that he had slept with, and I had to accept it. So far I had not been able to muster the courage to ask for details. Once I knew I could never unknow again. I could never forget. When had is started? Was I any more his first than he was mine? Was it a complete lie on both sides that night? I'd cheated with Edward and this was my punishment and Jake had not even pretended any of his affairs were based on love or respect.

He had used women and it worried me.

To what degree was he willing to use me?

Jane coughed impatiently.

"Where do I have to go?" I asked wearily, annoyed my schedule was now shot to pieces.

Jane reached into her pocket and handed me an envelope.

" This is your pass to being flown on her own private plane , to an unknown destination. Her private estate, where she will be resting in the hope she recovers in time to shoot the latest piece of cinematic history. You won't know where you are being taken. She pays millions to kept this place underwraps and nobody has ever found it, so think of it as a magical mystery tour."

"Who's coming with me?" I queried, hoping it was not Embry, our youngest photographer who had an obvious crush on me and made me feel uncomfortable in his presence.

Jake thought it was hilarious when we attended social events for my work, and my secret admirer was too young to legally buy me a drink.

"Nobody. Her agent will hand over some photos never seen before that we can use, taken before the disaster."

The whole trip was just annoying. My first flight in a private plane yet it seemed like we never left the airport, because the windows were all fully covered so I would have no clue which direction we flew in.

Her retreat seemed to be obviously situated on an island but I preferred Esme's Island, to be honest. This one was far less pretty and the beachfront was nothing compared to where Edward and I had walked on those few nights we'd been together.

Tanya was exactly as I expected. Nowhere near as pretty in real life as on the screen but twice as dumb.

She spent most of my allotted time bitching about the 'butcher' who had 'mangled' her body, despite her agent trying to tell her time and again she was not supposed to mention that to anyone, let alone a reporter who was taping an interview.

In the end, I was once again sworn to secrecy and just handed a prewritten question and answer sheet that could have been faxed to us in the first place and saved me all this bother.

All the way home, I was so tempted to text Edward and tell him he was wrong and that he owed me a hundred bucks because I, Bella Swan, who had no medical training, had guessed right.

I always said her waist and hips were far too slim for that enormous rack to have come as part of her original figure.

I was right, Edward was wrong; I had the power to make both him and his brother cry in disappointment if only I could rat her out to them and not lose my job over it.

In the end I figured we had so many ongoing bets for a hundred bucks, he would never know for sure which wager I was calling in and I sent the text after we landed.

xxxxx

My cell pinged. Two words in answer to my request he paid up.

"_Which bet?"_

Hmm, how to tell yet not tell.

"_Of all Johnny Depp's movies, my favourite is Cry Baby."_

It was, and Edward knew that, but that was not the real message.

He and Emmett always said if they ever found out Tanya's boobs were fakes, they'd cry like 'little cry babies'. I'd never heard them say that term in any other context. I'd told them I would have 'Cry Baby' T shirts custom made for them if they ever found out the breasts had been manufactured, not grown, seeing as far as I knew, the official movie T shirts only came in Small Women's size. I used to wear mine a lot when I was in High School because nobody else had one and Edward had bought it back for me after one of his family's vacations in LA.

The answer came fast and anguished.

"_Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo"_

I laughed, and replied. God I missed just talking to him every single day like we had for so many years.

"_Sorry to have to inform you of the tragic news."_

He answered straight away.

_"It's Emmett's bucks party tonight, I shall not spoil it for him by passing on this terribly sad information."_

When I got home and checked for any message from Jake , there was a scan photo of a jellybean shaped infant, labeled 'Rosalie Hale', from Edward's phone.

The wedding invitation had arrived as promised and Jake didn't care either way, whether I accepted or declined but he was not interested in going with me.

I'd bought a gift and was still debating whether to post it or deliver it in person.

Edward and I had both survived being parted, and maybe that was a sign to let go and forget about our arrangement that could only lead to renewed pain.

Neither of us had caved and thrown caution to the wind. I'd half expected him to become reckless and arrive at midnight some night on our doorstep, so maybe we both were where we were meant to be, despite Jake's revelations.

I picked Rose and Emmett's card up again and reread Edward's words written in his perfect copperplate writing.

"_Please come. This is a family occasion that all of my family needs to attend."_

Despite Emmett's threat, there was a Plus One invited as well, but possibly that was Esme's attempt to ensure Jake accompanied me and kept me out of her son's bed.

I debated the wisdom of going alone.

Even if his Mom assigned a bodyguard to keep Edward safe, I knew we would find a way to be alone for a few minutes at least, no matter what. God knows I long for Edwards arms to hold me together and make me feel safe again, like they did before my world imploded.

Jake opened the front door and I put the card down and turned to him. He wasn't alone.

"Bella, this is our new employee, Jasper Whitlock. He's never been out of his home state of Texas before and I was thinking how wrong that is. Everyone needs to visit as much of this country as they can. So, with that in mind, maybe you should go to Emmett's wedding, and take Jasper with you."

Jake poured drinks and settled the guy on the sofa before coming to take my hand and lead me to the kitchen. First he kissed my neck, trying to make me relax.

"Hey, I'm not sending Jasper with you to cramp your style. He's our intern and he shadows me. I need to entertain Aro's wife and I'd rather Jasper didn't know the intimate details of how business works here in the city quite yet. Palm him off onto Alice, she needs a boyfriend. I'm going to be pretty much absent on weekends until this deal is sewn up so if Jasper and Alice click, the two of you could fly home regularly together and play with the Cullen siblings while I pretend Rosa Volturi is still a sexy and attractive woman who could turn my head."

"Surely messing with Aro's wife is dangerous?" I replied. If this went wrong, Aro would walk. And was I accepting all this now? What the fuck was Jake doing to me? My first thought had been only concern that he was making a bad business move, not horror that he was planning on sleeping with yet another woman. I was fast becoming reconciled to something I thought would have sent me jumping off a cliff.

"Actually, Aro needs her to be distracted. He's enjoying the pleasure of the company of someone else, shall we say?"

"Who?"

Was Jake his pimp now? Was he buying women for the man to play with to win the account?

"Don't worry about it. It's business. Now come and meet Jasper and see if you think he would be to Alice's taste."

xxxx

I stood there in Arrivals as Jasper went to collect our luggage and watched Edward walk towards me. His lips were twitching, trying not to break into one of his beautiful smiles, but they failed and suddenly he was there and I was in his arms and the Earth stopped spinning out of control for the first time in weeks.

"Bella," he whispered, his hand in my hair, the other moving, caressing, every part of my back. I didn't want to move an inch, I just wanted to stay here and enjoy some normalcy in what was somehow my most sane and stable relationship now.

Edward loved me and would never do what Jake was doing, of that I was sure. No matter if his life depended on it, not just his income and his fledgling business. I knew he'd walk away and start from scratch, flip burgers, before he entered into the Devil's pact Jake was embracing.

"I have missed you so much," a soft velvety voice whispered.

"It's so good to see you again," I replied sincerely.

A cough brought me back to reality and I stepped away from Edward and hoped we had just looked like very dear friends who had been parted for too long.

"Edward, this is my traveling companion, Jasper Whitlock. Jasper, this is Edward Cullen, my best friend. Jasper is Jake's intern and as he has never been anywhere outside of Texas except New York, we thought he might enjoy visiting Washington. He's my Plus One. Jake's really busy and sends his regrets that he can't get away just now."

Edward shook hands and took my bag from Jasper, but he raised his eyebrows, and I could see he was assuming Jaz was there to keep us separate and chaste.

"It's complicated," I whispered as we led our guest to the carpark.

Having Jasper in the car with us meant our conversation was limited to Edward updating me on small town events of note, and me asking after Rosalie, and of course, Alice.

"Carlisle and Esme are off on some last minute wedding stuff so only my sister is at home today."

The girl did not disappoint and to my delight, she opened the door of Esme's house, ready to jump into my arms then she froze.

Edward shook his head and grinned as Jasper forgot how to speak and stood there just as transfixed as his sister was.

"Um, maybe we could all go inside and get comfortable," Edward suggested, pushing past the pair of them.

Alice backed back into the sitting room and Jasper followed her, as if he had lost all will and had to be with her.

"Wonderful, another pair of soul mates enters the building," Edward sighed in my ear.

"Look at it this way, neither of those two are going to notice our absence," I replied, and he saw my point.

"Alice, make Jasper feel at home while I take Bella up to my room and show her my new bath plug," he stated, dropping my bag.

xxxx

I actually did get to meet his new bath plug, as Edward insisted we needed to take time and relax after my flight, so soon we were both encased in warm bubbles as I lay back against his chest.

"Does the fact Jasper is here mean Jake no longer trusts you in my company?" he asked, running his fingertips lightly across my chest as his other hand stroked my mound and made me unsettled.

"Edward, you would not believe what has been going on. I don't want to even say the full extant of what my life is like now out loud, but sufficient to say we no longer need to feel any guilt about this." I waved my hand between us.

"Jake knows," he replied.

"Jake knows; he has always known, and he has sanctioned it. Let's not go there yet. I need some normalcy. I feel like my life has morphed and changed and that I never even saw any of what was really going on until now. My head is threatening to explode. Just know, I don't have to hide anything and if Jake calls, which is highly unlikely by the way, then you don't have to stay quiet and pretend I'm in your guestroom bed."

Edward looked confused, which was completely expected and a normal reaction. I liked normal. I didn't see a lot of it these days.

I knew I had to say more, but I wasn't ready to tell him everything. Saying it out loud would make it all too real.

"Jake has not exactly saved himself for me alone, for various reasons, and he is okay with us sleeping together as long as it _quote _remain meaningless _unquote._ Obviously I am not going to shatter his illusions, but he has sure shattered all of mine.

Until we get engaged, he's pretty much happy to share me with you. Business and getting properly established so we will be financially secure for life are his priorities and he will be absent a lot from now on. It seems I am available for weekends as well as weddings and bar mitzvah's, as the saying goes. Whenever your work schedule allows it, we can spend time together here as often as you want to."

"Seriously?" Edward replied, turning my body to face his.

"Yep. It seems two weeks a year just got upgraded to two days a week, if you want it to."

"Of course I want it to. I'll tell Dad to give me shifts on weekdays only. Bella, things are going to change. I can feel it."

Things were changing as we spoke. I just hoped Edward was not letting his imagination read more into this new development than was really there, because despite everything, one fundamental thing remained the same.

I needed him more than ever, and I was really happy we would get to revive our friendship and see one another often, but I still loved Jacob Black.

Unconditional love was a complete bitch, who knew?

It made no sense even to me, and any smart girl would run away screaming to the hills, but the heart wants what the heart wants, and mine wanted Jake. And a picket fence and two small black haired boys.

**A/N...Yes, Bella is delusional, yes things will change but they will get worse before they get better, and nobody is going to leave bitchy reviews because you all read the disclosure. And yes, the cat story is happening soon, LOL. Come back if you want to know how Jake will finally cross that line and alienate her...love to hear how you think that will happen!**


	8. Chapter 8

Safe

Chapter 8

EPOV

As much as I felt pure joy knowing Bella would be in my arms every weekend, I admit I feared for her sanity.

The nights I had spent debating how much to tell her about Jake were irrelevant now. She knew far more than I did, and I knew from her eyes that he was still screwing around. He must have been indulging in 'meaningless sex' and not true affairs, but still, I couldn't imagine the scenario that was really in play as Bella debated with herself in the night as she dreamt, and tried to convince herself Jake was doing what he was doing for them.

To me the closest I could guess was that it sounded like a man might fight with his conscience if he could not work and support his family, so his wife had turned to prostitution to put a roof over their heads and food in their mouths.

I don't know why but their situation seemed similar, only Jake was the one working the streets.

Bella banned the whole subject by day and insisted while we were together, it had to be about us or she would completely lose her mind.

I was obviously her safe haven and she needed me to create a bubble here, away from the madness her life had become.

Here we were Edward and Bella, though now it seemed we were going public, so long as I made sure none of my family misread the situation and saw us as a forever couple.

Jake was definitely still in the picture, and still the focus of her existence, as Charlie and my Mom had always warned me he would be.

I was still secondary to him in her heart but now it seemed I was more important, if only because she needed me to keep her grounded.

My strategy was to make no demands and merely show her she had somewhere else to go if she ever needed to leave him to save herself.

I took her down to the construction site the next day, before my brother's wedding and showed her the houseplans as I pointed out where new walls would be constructed, and how the space would be divided.

Downstairs was simple. Kitchen in the far end, so one could enjoy the views out of the long wide window across the end wall of the former church.

The dining area was attached, all open plan, so guests or family could talk to the cook while he or she worked.

Then an interior wall across the whole span of the building, with two doors. One led to the hallway off which was the downstairs bathroom and the other to the utility room.

Next came the fully enclosed media room; then the enormous open sitting/living/family area at the front of the building.

A staircase rose up against one wall, and there would be three small arched stained glass windows at different levels as you climbed.

Then the landing, which overlooked the front of the house, just the small entry room below. That meant when you walked inside the front door,your eyes immediately looked up at the wooden balustrade above but there was no view into any of the upstairs rooms.

A door opened onto a hallway that divided the space, and two bedrooms with small en suited shower rooms, sat either side.

Next to those, the music room, and opposite, the library were located..

Then was the family bathroom on the right and a room I intended would start life as a Nursery then be transformed into a study when it was no longer needed, but it was labeled as a Study on the plans.

That just left the main bedroom.

It was large and square and had a sloping attic ceiling as all the upper floor rooms had, but this one was special. There would be a skylight above the area where my bed would be, so I could always have the hope of looking up and seeing Bella the star, if the clouds allowed it.

Each side wall of the room would house large dormer windows so there would be plenty of light coming in, and in one window space was to be a claw footed tub, Bella's most desired object of affection.

The actual bathroom would be through a door situated next to the bedroom door itself so the upstairs plumbing was all located in the one area.

My grand piano would live in the music room, and if all went well, Bella's books would fill the library and our child would sleep in the Nursery.

I didn't say anything about that but I'm sure she knew I was creating her ideal house, rather than my own.

"So, lots of windows up and downstairs. Are you putting in a lot of stained glass?" she asked enviously.

"About half the windows will be clear but I want to keep something of the original design and feel of the building, so yes,a lot of stained glass windows."

"It's going to be exceptionally beautiful," she stated. "A home to cherish and love living in. I am glad you are looking to the future and planning on it being a family home. So, does this mean you are making headway with one of the nurses?"

Her words were a blasphemy.

Couldn't she see and feel this house? It was ours, for us.

No other woman would enter it, just as no other woman would ever enter my heart.

This home was my heart, and I wanted only Bella inside it.

"One day you will love some other girl as much as you love me," she sighed.

"Yes, I believe I will," I replied, but the girl I was thinking of would be our daughter.

XXXX

Emmett was nervous, which was new, but I managed to keep him upright and conscious as we stood together at the front of the aisle. The wedding was happening too fast for there to have been time to book any venues, so it was a backyard affair, but my parents backyard was vast and more beautiful than any venue here anyway..

Rose looked great. She had timed things just right, and was still sporting a completely flat slim waistline, yet had a larger rack than normal, so she had the best of both worlds.

The nausea was over and the extreme hunger stage had hit, so even Emmett knew better than to ever get between her and a plate of food.

Alice danced up the aisle ahead of the bride, tossing rose petals because this wedding had to be her idea of perfect.

All that she had lived and breathed was this wedding in the past few months and today, instead of it being the ultimate reward for all her hard work, all she could think about was Bella's friend.

Bella and Jasper were seated next to my parents, seeing she was as close as family already.

I kept turning to smile at her as we waited for the bridal march to begin playing. She was totally in the moment and smiled back at me, her eyes happy and clear at last. Then I had to devote all my attention to the bride and bridesmaid. It was all business as Emmett took Rose to be his lawfully wedded wife, but I couldn't help smiling as I felt the presence of Bella sitting there just behind me.

Carlisle and my mother seemed to have given up trying to make Bella and I think of the consequences of our actions now. I guess they knew we would do whatever we both wanted anyway, no matter what they said.

To me, the changes that had happened in Bella and Jakes life were positives, all in my favour.

She was shattered, shocked, disillusioned, what more could I ask for?

Jake was no longer high on his pedestal but down here on the ground in the dirt with the rest of us. Jake had made mistakes and confessing them had not erased the hurt.

Bella was lost and needed comfort and I was here.

Removed enough from their 'real' lives to be an acceptable port in the storm for her.

I did not condemn anything Jake had done when she told me snippets over the following week, just listened and held her body against mine as I kissed away her tears.

Of course I hurt for her, but in truth, I rejoiced that my competition was such a douche. He could not have played his role better if I had scripted it myself.

Bella felt their relationship was shaky and uncertain and she was genuinely confused about how Jake could just dismiss the cheating on both sides, and the fact that even now they both knew what the other was doing, it didn't have to stop.

She was needy,of course, and a better man may have refused to take advantage but I needed to do whatever it took to steal her from him so I never hesitated to make love to her when she initiated sex. I asked nothing for myself, afraid to push her at the wrong moment when she was suffering a flash of guilt and blaming herself for what had evolved.

Better to just respond when she touched me in such a way I knew she needed the comfort of me inside her.

I was gentle, and caring, and showed my love for her constantly, because she would reflect on all this when she went back to New York, and I wanted her to only recall me in a positive light.

I was only unsure whether to apologize or not.

Would she want me to say I should never have let any of this happen between us, in case she believed what Jake had done was a result of that first night?

Clearly it wasn't. He'd been playing away for years prior to that, right from Jessica's sixteenth birthday party orgy.

That was two whole years prior to the night we first slept together and we refrained from repeating that for four years.

If anything, we were the more noble ones.

Even Bella could see whatever sins we had indulged in were the lesser evil.

Originally she and Jasper had been booked on a flight back two days after the wedding, but she hadn't felt ready to leave and had delayed the departure date by an entire week.

Jake had grumbled a little then just accepted it, his mind back on business before their only phone call even finished.

Alice , naturally, had thought of a million reasons why the two should stay on and not travel until her best girlfriend felt ready to face her real life again and none of us were fooled that it really was Bella's welfare she was thinking of.

She and Jasper were madly in love, just like that.

Once again, I was the Cullen who lacked the magical ability to just captivate my soul mate and enslave her entire heart.

I approved of Jasper as my future brother-in-law, not that Alice would care even if I hated him and tried to tell her she could do better. I actually believed they were evenly matched.

Their 'honeymoon' night had taken place the night of the wedding, less than twenty four hours after they met, but even my Mom just shrugged and said when it was right, it was right.

She questioned Jasper at length about his family and how they would feel when he told them about Alice. And how he felt about living in Forks some time in the future.

A done deal.

Mom was already plotting and planning their nuptials and imagining what her grandbabies would look like; a combination of his height and fairness, and her shortness and dark hair.

I could read her like a book and was happy for them all, but I still wanted to rant and scream "What about me? Why can't I have what I want, too? What did I ever do to deserve to fall so completely in love with a girl who's heart was already spoken for?"

Bella lay naked and warm in my arms, but I could tell she was awake, just silent. Her brain was in danger of exploding, and she couldn't ever turn it off unless I tired her body to the point where exhaustion forced her to sleep.

"Are you okay?" I whispered. She wasn't crying, so I had no way to tell how she felt right now.

"As well as I can be in the circumstances," she sighed.

"Am I still four months?" I queried, not sure which way the new information made her see me now. Many a girl would have packed a bag and left someone like Jake right there and then, the night of full disclosure.

Many others would have called a halt to us and thrown all her energy into salvaging what she could with the man she loved the most.

Bella did neither.

I hoped that meant she was keeping a way out for herself.

Keeping me on side until she could rationally think again and figure out just how much she could take from Jake before the negatives outweighed the positives and she had to leave to save herself.

If she had somewhere to go, and a loving pair of arms welcoming her here, it might just tip the balance in my favour.

"I've no doubt the scales will balance out again once I get my head around this, but right now , in this exact moment, you are nine months and he is three," she admitted.

Yes!

"Edward, right now I wish I could hate him. I wish he could push me that extra step so I could walk away because nothing is how I thought. I know what we did was wrong, but at least I knew and loved you. I know that doesn't make it right, but he sleeps with strangers. Worse, he sleeps with wives of clients to make money. How is that not prostitution? They may not leave the money on the dresser but it's the same thing. He fucks them, they sweet talk hubby into signing, and Jake profits from it. That's not the actions of the Jake in my heart and in my head."

"For some people, the ends justify the means," I murmured. That was true. Whatever I had to do to win her and claim the larger part of her heart was allowable.

I was little better than he was.

I was hoping my investment in her would pay off in my favour.

xxxx

Eventually the two guests left and I kissed Bella goodbye at the airport and she promised to text me when she landed. And to keep up conversing with me from now on.

I would be happy to keep listening for as long as she needed to keep talking.

She was more crushed by the knowledge Jake had slept with girls here in Forks than by what he was doing now. He had shaken their foundations; and she avoided meeting up with anyone but her father while she was here, scared some girl would smirk at her because she knew Jake in the biblical sense, as well.

Charlie knew immediately something major had happened and he fought to show his support and keep a grin off his face, and the two of us avoided eye contact in case we started high fiving one another or something equally stupid that would just make Bella angry.

"Come back after you do the airport run, Edward. I need to show you the new lures I bought."

"We can stay a few more minutes if you want to show him now," his daughter replied.

"No, these things take time to discuss and savour," Charlie replied. "Edward and I need to spend some time fully appreciating them."

"You fish with my Dad?" she queried as we headed for the airport.

"Charlie and I understand one another. We enjoy spending time together," I answered honestly.

I had to physically remove my sister from her 'one true love' so Jasper could board his flight, so

parting from Bella was not quite as devastating as it could have been.

Alice alternately sulked and gushed about Jasper the whole trip home and I was glad to send her to Charlie's kitchen to prepare a meal for us all while we talked mentalk in the garage downstairs.

He listened as I informed him of what I knew and although he paled in shock, he was still more jubilant than angry at my words.

"Surely this will break them up? How can she let him touch her after he comes home from someone else's bed?"

"He has never had a problem with that when she left my bed and went back to his," I pointed out.

And even I had never hesitated to love her though I knew she slept with him.

Maybe people just accepted the wrongs along with the rights as long as the end result was in their favour.

xxxx

BPOV

There was no Jake waiting to met us, only one of his more lowly staff members. I wasn't that surprised; no doubt Jake was busy.

I sent Edward a text as promised and smiled at the instant response from him.

"Has something happened?" Jasper asked our driver as we walked to the car. I barely knew this man sent to collect us so how could Jasper, who must know him even less, pick up on Daniel's mood?

"There's been an accident. Mr Black and Mr Uley are safe. Mr Black wants to tell you what has happened himself. I'm to take you both to them, at your place."

Jasper took my hand inside his own and asked to have the privacy screen in place between us and Daniel on the trip to the apartment.

"Bella, what are you thinking?" he asked, his eyes looking searchingly into mine. I almost felt like he was hypnotizing me.

"I'm thinking maybe Sam and Jake took out a couple of Volturi wives and were involved in a bingle. Or maybe someone got drunk, or maybe a Volturi husband pulled a gun on one or both of them. I don't know. Jake and Sam are safe. Maybe they blew the account but we can survive."

"I have no idea what you are talking about. I meant, what are you thinking leaving your twin flame and coming back here to Jake?"

"My twin flame?"

"Sometimes one soul will split into two so each can have Earthly experiences, but rarely are they on Earth at the same time. When they are, often only one half knows the true situation. That half would be Edward."

"I'm his other half?" I mused.

"You and Edward will spend eternity together, never doubt that. While you are here, you have free will but you are choosing wrong."

"Why don't I feel it?" I asked. I wasn't into this sort of spiritual mumbo jumbo normally, but Jasper spoke as if his words were the truth and I couldn't doubt them for some reason.

"You do feel it. Don't think about the answer. Describe Edward for me, in just three words."

"Safe, loving, home,"

"Describe Jake for me now."

"Need, sorrow, devotion."

"Blind devotion."

"Devotion is a good thing. I love him."

"Devotion is only good if you are devoted to the right man."

"If Jake was the wrong man, I wouldn't be devoted to him."

"Charlie Manson's followers were devoted to him. They proved that. Can you honestly say devotion is always good? Think about that when Jacob asks you to save him. Sometimes you have to save yourself."

Daniel parked and we hurried inside. The first thing that hit me was how Jasper's face changed to one of a man in excruciating pain before Jake opened the front door.

"Are you okay?" I cried out, grabbing his arm as he stumbled.

"It's not me," Jaz replied, sitting on our stoop, holding his head in his hands. Jake stepped forward, tugging on my arm.

"Bella, for God's sake, leave him there. Come inside, Sam needs us."

"What's going on?" I asked as I saw Jake's best friend's face.

He looked like death. No, he looked like a man who wished for death with all his heart and soul.

"Emily has been killed in a car accident," Jake stated.

"Oh God no."

The room swayed and Jake held onto my arm tightly, his fingers gripping into my flesh. The pain was the only thing keeping me from fainting.

" God, no, not Emily. She was so happy. I can't believe this. When? When did it happen, Jake?"

"Three days ago."

"You didn't call me! Why didn't you call? I would have come straight here. I can't believe I will never see Emily again."

"Maybe because I knew you would be less than useless. This isn't our loss, it's Sam's. You are supposed to be here for him, not make this all about yourself as usual."

Sam held out his arms, and I went into them and felt his entire body shake against mine as he clutched onto me tightly. His tears soaked my hair and his lips struggled to speak.

"I can't believe we let that happen. She was doing it for us, and she died, Bella. We need to do something. We have to go back and not let her leave with him. I don't care about the account.

I just want my Emily back."

"Sam, it's time, take these," Jake ordered, handing him two small white pills and a glass of water.

He grabbed them and swallowed them down as if they were all that stood between madness and sanity. Jasper appeared at Sam's side and I felt myself be released from the desperate embrace as Sam sank onto the sofa again.

Jasper sat beside him, taking both of Sam's hands in his own, shutting his eyes. I was grateful that he did that because his eyes reflected all the same agony as Sam's did, yet as far as I knew, Jasper had never met Emily.

"She's okay. She's transitioning. Sam, she wants you to know she isn't in any pain. She felt nothing. She left her body before the impact. Emily doesn't blame you at all. She agreed to do it out of love for you, and this was an accident. She's at peace."

Jake stared at Jasper as though he was crazy so I led him to the kitchen before he could say anything.

"What the fuck is he saying?" Jake asked.

"Jasper would appear to be an empath or whatever they are called. I saw a documentary about them. He absorbs other people's emotions and because they are not his own feelings, he can analyze them and see what's happening on all levels. He must be a psychic or a medium as well, if he can contact Emily."

"But that's all bs. Nobody can really do that," Jake argued.

"Does it really matter, Jake? Look at Sam."

Sam was still pale, still shaking, but a new calmness was appearing on his face as he gazed at Jasper. He lay down on the couch and Jasper stayed beside him, talking softly, and to our surprise, Sam closed his eyes and slept.

"That's just because the pills have finally kicked in and he hasn't slept since the accident," Jake said crossly.

"Jake, as I said, does it matter why he has calmed down? I have no idea if Jasper is for real but who cares, if he can help Sam. Tell me what happened."

"You haven't heard the worst of it," Jake sighed, sitting down at the table and taking the cup of coffee I was handing him.

"Emily was out with Aro Volturi, and they were T boned by a drunk driver. They were both killed outright."

"Aro's dead?" I replied in shock. Shock upon shock.

"He hadn't signed," Jacob added, his face crumbling.

"Seriously? Two human beings are dead, one of them a good friend, and you are falling apart because you missed out on a business deal?" I cried in disbelief.

"It's not just a business deal, it was the deal that could have saved the company. We will go under now. We've been holding on by the skin of our teeth and now it's all over. Sam and I have lost everything. We will be bankrupt."

"I don't think Sam is going to care about losing the company," I growled at Jake. "He just lost his soul mate."

"He'll meet someone else in time. Don't you always blather on about how we have seven of them? We'll never have the opportunity to have another company like this one, Bella. It's all gone."

"I need some air," I replied, grabbing my coat and heading for the front door.

xxxx

The funerals were so different to one another.

The Volturi's held theirs first and Jake insisted we attend. I was surprised, seeing there was nothing in it for him any more. Sam was in no shape to go, and Jasper was constantly at his side, so Jake and I went alone.

The women were all in black and the service went on forever, as they wailed and cried out loud.

"Where is he being buried?" I whispered to Jake as we finally left the church.

"They are flying the body back to Italy. They will have a second funeral there."

"We don't have to attend that, surely," I hoped.

"No, they would not welcome outsiders."

He sighed and shook his head.

"Emily was sure it would happen that night. She had him panting for her, and she was going to refuse to go on any further dates with him unless he signed. Rosa told me over dinner it was all decided. We came that close," he sighed again.

I walked to the car and sat inside, waiting while Jake spoke to the Volturi women. He took Rosa into his arms and kissed her forehead, and I wondered if he had bonded with her in any way.

Then I wondered if she would inherit the company.

Because if she did, that could put Jake in a position where he had to choose between Rosa and what she owned; and me, and what we shared.

This Jacob was not the Jacob I fell in love with, so I couldn't begin to predict how he would choose, if it came down to it.

My heart was in my mouth as we drove home.

I wanted to ask, but I was afraid of the answer.

xxxx

Emily was cremated after a simple ceremony with only Sam and Jake and I, and of course, Jasper, in attendance. Sam could barely stand to keep breathing if Jasper were not there beside him. As well as being able to absorb some of Sam's pain, Jaz also seemed to be able to lend the man his strength in return. Sam needed Jasper like he needed air.

Without Emily, he was just a shell.

Her family was all gone now, she had been the last of her line and now there was nobody left in the world who was related to Emily.

That made me feel even sadder. How many people would remember her?

Sam obviously would. He would never forget.

He would never forgive himself, either.

I refused to think about what 'dating' a Volturi involved. Maybe Emily just went out to dinner and to see shows with Aro. Maybe only Jacob felt it necessary to use sex as a means of persuasion. I hoped to God that was the case. Sam had more than he could bear already, if he had that extra burden of knowing she had been sleeping with the oldest Volturi brother, he would collapse under the strain.

xxxx

"You have other clients. You've made a pretty good living up until now," I pointed out to Jake.

"It's all on credit. It's not cheap, renting the office in that building, and leasing the cars. It's all about show. To be successful you have to look successful already. We've barely been making the payments lately. Then Sam insisted on hiring Jasper because he says the man can tell instantly if a new account will bring in a worthwhile profit or whether we are wasting our resources wining and dining certain clients. Every penny counts, Bella.

He wanted Jasper to monitor the Volturi situation once they signed."

Jake tried to hold what was left of the company together in the weeks that followed. His face was always creased with strain and worry, and I knew he was right and it was all about to collapse. My wage would never be enough to keep us both, not living here in the city.

Either we would have to return to Forks, and Jake would have to face the humiliation of no longer being the local boy who had gone away and done good, or he needed a miracle.

Just weeks after the funeral, he rushed home, his face jubilant and I felt the earth disappear beneath my feet.

"Aro's Will has been read," he said excitedly.

Fuck. I had a feeling he was about to find the middle aged fading Rosa appealing enough to leave me for, now.

"Cass inherited."

"What?" I said in relief and surprise.

"Marcus got their Mother's fortune when she died, so their father left everything to Aro, and he has left everything to Cass."

"But isn't Cass underage?" I pointed out.

"Actually, Bella, he turned twenty one when you were away in Forks. He was disappointed you weren't here so you could attend his party with me. We could still salvage something here. Cass holds the purse strings now, and guess what? Cass likes you. Very much. You could save us, Bella."


	9. Chapter 9

Safe

Chapter 9

EPOV

Bella continued to keep in touch but her mind was always preoccupied with the situation at Jake's company. It seemed the death of the potential client had left them in a precarious position and she was working a second job, waitressing at a bar nights, to increase their income. She refused to let me send her money but I wasn't surprised.

Her voice sounded distant, and her manner was off, but it was him, not me, causing this.

The weekends we had been promised were not happening and all I could do was hope we would still get our two weeks, but the odds looked doubtful.

Finally I could stand no more of not knowing exactly what was happening and I flew to her. At eight o'clock that night, four months after we last parted, I walked into the bar she worked at and my eyes searched every face until they found the one I sought.

I sat at a table and watched her fix a smile on her face, and slap away hands of drunken patrons, then grimace in pain as she waited for her order to be filled at the bar. For a moment, she would slip one foot out from the high heeled shoes on her feet and rub it against her other calf.

Her face was thinner, and she was clearly exhausted.

As she passed my table, I caught her hand and she did the automatic smile she gave everyone.

"Excuse me, Sir, I shall take your order in...Edward!"

"When does your shift end?" I asked.

"I just got here. I'm on until two in the morning."

"Ask your Boss to get someone in to cover for you. Tell him you are getting a migraine."

"I can't Edward, I need the money."

"Bella, I flew here to see you. I'll give you whatever you would have earned. Don't fight me on this, please."

"Edward, if I take money from you.."

"I didn't come here to sleep with you, I came here to talk. Go ask to take tonight off."

She met me out the back ten minutes later when her replacement arrived.

"Siobhan always wants extra shifts, she was happy to come in. She needs the money as much as I do."

"We'll take my hire car so yours is still here in the parking lot," I suggested. She looked uncomfortable.

"Bella, you do still have a car?"

"It's the city, there's a subway," she replied.

We went back to my hotel room and I lay her on the bed and removed the tortuous shoes from her feet and rubbed one red, swollen foot between my hands.

"This is not acceptable. Is Jake working two jobs as well?"

"Jake is pouring all his time and effort into winning the new Volturi brother around. Believe me, I'm happy to be doing bar work. It's a hell of a lot better than what Jacob suggested I do."

"And that was?"

"Nothing for you to worry about. It's fantastic to see you, Edward. I've missed you like crazy."

"It never sounds that way on the phone," I replied.

"I hate talking about the mess we are in. I want my conversations with you to be about us,not about real life. I live my real life twenty four seven."

I ran a bath and undressed her, carrying her into the spa and climbing in behind her, naked, but with no agenda.

She collapsed against my chest and lay there, crying small tears of exhaustion. Her quiet sobs tore at my heart.

"This is not the life you deserve. Come home with me. The house is almost finished. You can stay with me in my bedroom at Dad's or whatever you prefer. Charlie would welcome you back."

"I can't run out on Jake just because things have turned bad."

"Then run out because you know you belong to me. Come home."

She turned and straddled my legs and her arms surrounded my torso and I could smell the sweet aroma of her hair as she rested her head against my chest again. I rubbed her back and kissed her head, and she seemed to draw comfort from that alone. My skin buzzed subtly wherever it touched hers. I was glad to just be there with her again. In time, her breathing changed, and she slept.

It was enough, just being here, my arms around her body. She was smaller,somehow. He was not looking after her and she had lost weight that she really could not afford to lose.

The spa kept the water at a constant temperature but her skin was getting wrinkly, so I stood up carefully and carried her to bed. She was sleeping so deeply she didn't even murmur as I dried her skin, and her head automatically sought it's spot on my chest as I lay beside her. This felt so right, I just could not understand how she could not know that too.

I watched her sleep, and searched my mind for a way to bring her home with me. This life would kill her, one way or the other. I didn't want her beaten down and exhausted and inevitably changed. I loved her just as she was.

All night she lay sleeping in my arms and I breathed her in and felt whole again.

Room service delivered the breakfasts I had ordered and I woke her reluctantly, but she would be upset if she missed work at her real job.

"Edward, you stayed," she said,opening her eyes and smiling at me at last.

"Where would I go?" I laughed. "I came here to be with you, remember."

She ate like this might be her last meal, so it was good to see she still had her appetite.

"How are your feet?" I asked, handing her my toast and bacon. She took it without protest and ate it quickly.

"Numb, but that's good. I wish men lusted over women in Chucks. Wearing those heels is killing me. It's bad enough at the office but in the bar as well..."

"I don't like you working in that bar. You know how my father likes to diversify and have a finger in many pies? Carlisle sent me here to ask you to do some research for him. According to Alice, there's a gap in the market for a new type of magazine. Hipsters are becoming more and more common, and despite their desperation to remain individual, they all like the same stuff, and mainstream gossip magazines are not to their taste.

Carlisle is thinking of financing a new publication, and he wants you to discuss this with your Boss and see if she wants in on the ground floor. He would need her to be editor, until you feel confident of taking over that role yourself. You'd begin as Assistant Editor."

"What would hipsters want to read about?" she asked, pouring more coffee.

"Indie films, new musicians who won't sign with big labels, vintage fashion and products and where to buy them. Arty shit, 'where are they now' old has been movie stars. Independent political views held by non important people who are not associated to any party, alternate lifestyle news, alternate spirituality. Anything not mainstream and current. And we'd use recycled paper and non toxic inks and renewable resources. They spurn bright shiny paper."

"It could work," she decided. "Jasper could contribute to alternate spirituality. He has some weird powers. He knows all about us."

"What does he know?" I asked, puzzled. Obviously he knew we were lovers. We had not attempted to hide anything when he was in Forks, and he showed no signs of judging us or condemning what we were doing. In fact, if anything, he seemed to approve.

"He says you and I are twin flames and destined to be together for eternity."

"Clever man. You should listen to him."

She blushed and looked away.

"Bella. Tell me. Just say it."

"I have been thinking a lot about us and what we share, but how can I leave now? I would look like a rat deserting the sinking ship if I left Jacob."

"He would get over it and since when did you care what anyone thought about you? What's changed?"

"He asked me to do something no man should ever ask the woman he loves to do."

I knew we were talking about a lot more than him suggesting they did anal, here. This was something that had shattered her further and maybe pushed her too far.

"Bella, what did he ask you to do?"

"I refused. He asks me every day to reconsider,and I won't. Then he said if I loved him, really loved him, I would do anything he asked. That made me think."

"There are things nobody would do, even for the one they love," I replied.

"Yes, but he may be right. If I truly loved him, I would do it. And I won't. So the only conclusion I can reach is that I must not truly love him."

Her logic was skewered but I was not about to point that out.

"You may be right," I agreed, pulling her in for a coffee and bacon flavoured kiss.

"Please give me the money I would have earned last night now, before we make love, so it's not anything like money for sex," she said softly.

"It's in your purse already," I replied. "Bella, nobody pays for love, not for real love. It's given freely."

I honestly had not intended making love to her but I would never turn her away, so by the time I dropped her at the apartment to change for the office, she was running late. Jake was gone, so I helped her undress and redress, and took her to work myself.

She got into the car and took my hand before I started the engine.

"I will never understand why you love me as much as you do. I'm not good for you. I make you cry and hurt you all the time and yet, here you are, again. I can't even promise to be able to completely let go of Jake. I want to, believe me. But you would be gambling on a weak hand if you took me home with you.

I can't even think straight.

Emily is dead. Jake was at least partly responsible. He used her and he wants to use me."

"If you can see all this, why are you still here?" I asked, grabbing at my hair.

"I can't leave him yet. I'm not sure when will be the right time but aside from anything else, I'm on contract at the magazine for the rest of the year. I am not resigning and ruining my reputation. But I do want to be with you, Edward."

My heart skipped a beat and hammered in my chest. I had chosen to hope, because hope meant anything might happen, and finally, it seemed I really did stand a chance. I may have forgotten to tell her that Dad intended opening his hipster magazine in an office in Seattle.

Bella would not have to resign from Metro, just transfer to their new sister publication, if we could get Jane and the shareholders onboard. Naturally, Carlisle would be offering the deal of a lifetime to get them to say yes.

Bella could be home in a matter of months.

"We will talk about this tonight. I can only stay one more night, Love. Call the bar manager and resign, please."

"As soon as I get to the office," she promised.

We agreed to meet for lunch and I kissed her out the front of the building that housed Metro Magazine before she reluctantly released my torso and walked inside.

xxxx

That night we talked until we were hoarse.

She really could finally see that Jake was not good for her and his actions had damaged her love for him, maybe fatally. She cautioned me that she was so overwhelmed at present that in time, she may find it in her heart to forgive him, a little, but never completely.

And she agreed that staying with him was slowly killing her.

I didn't have to point out all the positives for her to choose me; she knew them already.

Still she wavered, but this time only because she was concerned that she would hurt me further.

I am a big boy.

I can handle whatever she dishes out, as long as she is by my side.

xxxx

BPOV

"You cannot be serious?" I screamed at Jacob. "I can't believe you even asked me to do that."

"Why the outrage? You have sex with Cullen, and that's just for sport. Sleeping with Cass would mean we could make big money, Bells. He'd sign on the dotted line if it meant you would go to his bed. We'd have the world at our feet. We could buy a mansion and actually own a couple of BMW's. Our life would be perfect. Can't you think of us for a change and not just about you? Honestly,sometimes I wonder if we are really meant to be together. I am willing to do anything to give you the life you want, and you won't even think about helping out."

"What makes you think I want a mansion and fancy cars?" I replied.

He may not know it but those had always been within my grasp, had I chosen Edward. And at no cost to me. They were just bonuses that came with being Mrs Edward Cullen.

"You deserve the best, and frankly, so do I. I want those things, Bella and they can be ours if you just do this one little thing."

"You want that account so bad, you sleep with him," I retorted angrily.

"Believe me, if he was interested, I would do it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately he only likes pussy. Yours in particular. I swear, once he signs I will never ask anything like this of you again."

"Too late, Jacob. I'm not actually your whore to be shared around with whoever you choose."

"No, you give it away to Cullen, but I ask you to play nice with one single guy and you won't even think about it. This is what would save the company. This account would mean everything. A life of luxury, with no worrying about wooing further clients and having to fuck middleaged women just to put bread on the table. If I can grit my teeth and fuck Rosa, why the fuck can't you do the same with Cass? He's young, he's pretty, and he's richer than God. How can any man be any more attractive than that?"

"I can't believe you," I repeated and headed for the door.

Things were dire, but surely there had to be a line that could never be crossed. Okay, it may be partly my fault because I let Jake believe Edward and I just had sex without any emotional attachment, so I guess maybe it's not that unreasonable for him to want me to expand my fuckbuddies to two.

God knows he has fucked a lot of women in the name of business.

He and Sam had talked about it one night after a few too many drinks and I'd been shocked at the numbers. And the accounts had not amounted to much, even in total. Not enough to save the company unless Cass signed.

Worse was hearing Sam cry over having to sacrifice his Emily to Aro in the hope she could persuade him when they couldn't.

I'd feared so much that was what had happened, and now Sam battled every day just to function. He missed her so much but it did annoy me that Jake had learned nothing from that disaster. Sam would have done things differently if he could go back in time and not agree to pimp his wife out to that arrogant Italian.

What he had asked her to do had sullied their marriage and his memories but at least he lay the blame where it belonged...at his own feet.

Emily would never have done anything like that on her own.

Only for Sam.

Only to save what Sam had worked so hard to create but still, he had asked her to do it.

Why didn't she say no?

Did that mean she loved Sam so unconditionally that she was willing to allow her body to be used by a stranger to gain an account for his company?

What did that say about my love for Jake? It was obviously lesser than hers had been because I would work twenty four hours a day at an honest job rather than allow that boy access to my body.

Jake withdrew all sexual contact, and banned kissing; even conversations were limited to him asking me to reconsider and me refusing again and again. We shared the same bed but there may as well have been a fence between us.

His manner towards me was cold but also confused. He just didn't understand.

I'd never been with a man who meant nothing to me and I couldn't start now. It may not be cheating on him, seeing it was his idea, but there was no way I was cheating on Edward.

No sooner had that thought occurred to me than I started wondering why I felt that way.

Jasper arrived at the front steps just as I slammed the door behind me.

"You listened to me," Jaz said in delight.

"Oh, that was what you meant. I didn't understand," I admitted." I guess I just don't love him enough."

"The fact he even asked you to do that says a lot more about his supposed love for you than yours for him."

"He's panicking. He's seeing everything they worked for threatening to disappear."

"And it well might do that, Bella."

"Could I save it, by agreeing?" I asked. I would never do it, I just wanted to know.

"You could, but you couldn't save yourself if you let it happen. It would eat you alive that you betrayed Edward."

"It always comes back to Edward, doesn't it?" I mused out loud.

"You always come back to Edward,or haven't you noticed. What do you think that means?"

"I have never denied that I love him, Jasper."

"No, so I hear. But you refuse to open your eyes and admit you love him far more than you ever loved Jacob Black. Why?"

"Lately I have realized I made the wrong choice but I can't be like my Mother and just leave. I told Jake I loved him, and at the time, I did. More than I loved Edward. Lately, even before this latest crisis happened, I started thinking how much I treasured Edward's phone calls over even making love to Jake. I know, it sounds crazy but just hearing his voice on the other end of the phone was a bigger thrill than Jake reaching for me in bed.

I just can't get the images of him with those other women out of my head and I was wondering what value he placed on me.

Now I know.

If I went along with what he wants me to do, he would treat me like a queen for life but because I have refused, he's punishing me. I'm not being a good dog, like Rose pointed out so long ago. I have to do whatever Jake wants me to do to keep him happy. If I refuse, I'm without value."

"Edward holds you in high value," he smiled.

"I honestly don't know why. I've treated him so badly, I don't deserve what he offers me anyway."

"Edward would forgive you anything. He loves you and he knows you are the one he wants. He'll take you however he can get you."

"Even sullied by Jake," I sighed. "I can't believe he would forgive everything I have put him through."

"Edward is strong. People wrongly assume only a weak man could forgive a woman who strayed and slept in another man's bed. The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Gandhi said that."

"I did stray, didn't I? I was with the right man first and I was too blind to see it."

"I know you will choose right, Bella. You may not think you deserve happiness but think of it this way. When you do go to Edward, you will make him the happiest man on Earth."

"You really believe that, don't you?"

"Edward knows it, and he is right. He's waiting for you, Bella. Don't keep him waiting too long."

"Why? Is he becoming interested in someone new?" I asked him.

"What would you say if I told you he has been dating someone else for a while now and there's a chance he could be happy enough with her?"

"I would set him free."

"That's why you deserve him. You would put his happiness ahead of your own."

"Finally," I replied sadly.

Jasper led me to his car and we headed for the bar I was currently employed at. God knows I was always tired and dispirited but I had to bring in more income. Jaz stayed for a while, and pointed out a couple of seemingly nice enough men who he informed me, would be trouble later once they drank too much.

I swapped tables with our only male drink waiter, knowing he liked to handle the bad boys himself.

Life truly was an endless battle and some nights, when I finally collapsed into bed only to have Jake open his eyes and make sure I knew he was awake so he could deliberately turn his back on me, I wondered why I was bothering.

I should just leave.

Like Jaz said, Edward would accept me with no questions asked. I could finally burn these shoes in the hellfire they deserved.

Then the night came that Edward came to me, and I refuelled from his spirit and cried when he left again.

At least my days waiting bar were over.

Jane and Jasper and I worked for three hours after Metro closed for the night, but in their premises. Jane and the shareholders were onboard and a whole new future was beckoning.

When Edward informed us we would be working in Seattle, I just wanted that day to arrive.

I could leave Jake for genuine work reasons, not that he would argue. By now I was pretty sure he just wanted me out of his life, like a pair of shoes that no longer were of use to him.

I had to tell him, of course, though the idea of just going and leaving a note held a lot of appeal.

It amazed me, how much we had once shared and how insignificant that seemed now. Had we really ever been a good fit? Certainly not a good enough fit to put Edward through so much pain.

Jane had agreed there was no real reason for me to stay; we could continue the nightly meetings via Skype , and my job at Metro had been taken over by a new trainee.

Nobody was expecting me back in Forks yet, but why not go anyway? I could spend some actual time with Charlie. He even had the internet now, so I could work from his home.

I knew Edward would take me in but I needed a break between my past relationship with Jake and my new relationship with Edward.

And Edward needed to be very sure he really did still want me, in a forever way.

I was nowhere near good enough for him but as Jaz liked to point out, did I have the right to stay away from him just because I thought that, when all he had ever wanted was to be with me?

If he really was only ever happy when we were together, could I really hurt him more by keeping us apart?

If he did truly still want me, I would go to him, but it was entirely his choice.

I'd made my choice and it had been wrong and ended badly.

Now my fate and future lay in Edward's hands.

I packed my bag and checked the plane was leaving on time.

Then I called Jasper. He was taking me to the airport.

He was leaving himself, after he wound things up now he was leaving Sam and Jake's company, and he would then fly to Seattle with Jane. We had nicknamed the new magazine "Ironic Issues" as a working title until someone came up with something more acceptable to the hipster market it was aimed at. We would start working in Carlisle's premises in less than a month.

Jake usually came home Monday nights, and it was Monday. I hadn't seen him all weekend but that was pretty typical. If I could have afforded it, I would have flown home to Edward every weekend, now they were my own again.

He offered to buy my tickets, but frankly I was so tired I spent the two days sleeping instead.

And nibbling. Actually eating meals was more than I could manage since he had left but I snacked. Edward was forever checking in on me about my weight. It had increased a little at last but my limbs were still too thin and naked it was starting to look like I had a little pot belly.

As I stripped to shower, I stared at myself in the mirror and pulled in my stomach.

It hardly retracted at all and I held my hand against my swollen abdomen and gasped as I felt something inside me move.

No way.

I have never ever taken a chance.

The risk of carrying a child whose paternity was unsure had kept me on the straight and narrow, with Edward as well as Jake and of course, the knowledge Jacob spread himself around only made it even more vital to never catch anything that could hurt Edward.

We always used condoms.

Good, expensive, high quality condoms.

Edward supplied his own but I bought Jake's because I didn't want him to scrimp on that one item, no matter how tight finances got.

I calmed down and waited, sure I had imagined it.

Then it happened again.

"Whoa. When did you begin growing inside me?" I asked my little nudger. I really did wish I knew that.

"Bella? You are pregnant?" Jake said, standing at the doorway.

"So it seems," I replied, turning to him, caressing my belly.

"You need to get rid of it quickly," he stated. "I will book you in somewhere."

"It's a baby, Jacob. Not a bad tooth."

"It's a bunch of unwanted cells," he corrected me.

"No, Jake. It moves. It's halfway along, at least. It kicks and I feel it. That makes it like four or five months along. I can't believe I didn't notice. I've had no symptoms."

"You were sick, for weeks, a couple of months back. And you are always tired. Your cycle has never been right. And you cry, all the time."

"Well now we know why."

"Bells, we can't afford a baby. Not now. We could have, had you done what I begged you to do. You could have had this baby and kept it, if only you had played nice with Cass Volturi. Think about that when they are ripping it from inside you."

"I'm not letting anyone kill this baby and if I had done what you asked, we'd be even more unsure who fathered it. There would be three possibilities instead of just the two."

"You have no idea if it's mine or Cullen's?"

"Not without a scan and a calendar. No."

"All the more reason to get rid. Chances are it's mine. We have spent a lot more time fucking than you two ever did, simply because you were mainly here with me. He'll be no more eager to raise my kid than I would be. You are not having this baby, Bella. Get used to the idea. I'm not paying child support for a kid I never wanted."

"Nobody is asking you to. I'm going back to Forks, anyway. This is the last time you'll ever see me." I dressed, eager to leave. I could shower when I got home to Forks.

"You are not going anywhere. Not until we get this fixed. I'm not having people label me a bad father just because you always want your own way. I don't want this kid and I can't imagine you do, either. Why would you want to keep a part of me, after all I've put you through?"

He finally looked ashamed.

"I'm sorry. I mean that. I know I've treated you like crap because you wouldn't fuck Cass. I should never have asked you to. I was desperate, Bella, and desperate men do desperate things."

"I know. I can't ever understand how you could want me to do what you asked, but I do know you are desperate and I am sorry to just go and leave you in the lurch."

"Sam will move in and pay half the rent here. He can't afford to keep his house and anyway, it's filled with memories of Emily. Emily, who died for us, yet died for nothing ultimately. You are right to hate me."

"There were good times, Jake, once upon a time. I loved you, and the good part is, if it is yours, that's when it was conceived. One way or another, it was conceived in love. I am not killing it now because we fell out of love. It doesn't work that way."

"It could be his. Cullen's. If it is, it will be nothing but an embarrassment to him. He'll have to admit he was fucking a woman who loved another man."

"That's why I'm keeping it, Jacob. It could be Edward's baby. I would never harm his child, no matter what."

Jasper opened the front door and walked inside, uninvited. He had never done that before.

"Bella, it's time we left."

"She's not going anywhere," Jake barked.

"I believe she is. Stand back and let her pass."

Jacob scowled but waved me by.

"Go. Run to him. He may like fucking you but he will never want to take you on full time, Bells.

You have no clue about how to keep a man happy. You put my name on that kid's birth certificate and I'll fight you for custody, then surrender it for adoption. Do you hear me?"

I heard him.

The words rang in my ears all the way home to Forks.

xxxx


	10. Chapter 10

Safe

Chapter 10

Safe

Chapter 10

The Short Life Of Phoenix, Edward's Cat, Who failed To Rise Again from The Ashes.

EPOV

When we lived in Boston, my parents decided to give in to my constant pleas to own a pet, and they bought me a small, white, fluffy kitten.

She was cute and cuddly and about as affectionate as that species of animal gets.

All was well until we moved to Forks.

By then Phoenix, whose name was chosen by Alice, because she was a fan of the late movie star River Phoenix incidentally, was reaching cat adolescence.

It was my job to keep her safe and fed and ...alive, basically but three days after our arrival, I became a little distracted one might say, after meeting Bella Swan, and my priorities changed.

Phoenix was now more a chore than a delight, and often Alice fed her for me because I was out, hanging around any place Bella might have said she intended going after school on any given day.

Esme noticed there were wildcats in the forest and warned me to make sure my cat was locked up inside, and not to forget to take her to the vet and have her spayed when the time came for that operation to become necessary.

The reasons I was allowed to have the cat in the first place was because I had assured my parents I was older now, mature; no longer a kid, and ready for the challenge of being responsible for some other life apart from my own.

All this flew out the window when Bella started becoming the only thing I could think about.

Of course the inevitable happened and Phoenix managed to escape one night as Alice was getting her a bowl of fresh water to have in her crate overnight, and forgot to throw the catches while she was at the tap.

For weeks we searched for her; Alice in earnest because she loved that cat and felt a little guilty; me because it was easiest to just obey my Mom and go look for an hour or so, in order to be freed to go chase the girl who had taken up every scrap of interest I had.

Finally, weeks later, I was walking home through the forest, quite happy and satisfied after an afternoon in Bella's company in the capacity of being her baseball coach, and felt as if I was being watched.

Sure enough, a pair of bright eyes stared at me from the darkness of the undergrowth and I approached their owner. Phoenix stood for a moment before streaking away.

I was shocked to my core by her changed appearance. She was the right colour and age and I knew it must be her, but now instead of being firm and sleek, her body was thin and ragged, and her belly was disgustingly large in comparison.

She was clearly pregnant and just as clearly, starving.

The next day Emmett accompanied me to the same location and we set up a cat trap with Phoenix's favourite cat food inside and by nightfall, we had our prey safely trapped inside a cage.

Dad drove me and my cat to the local vet, who expressed his opinion that the kindest thing would be to euthanize her, but I felt that was an overreaction and requested she be helped.

Soon after we got home, the vet rang to say Phoenix had aborted her litter and all the kittens were stillborn.

I remember feeling relieved that had happened at the vet's office and not here at home, as I would not have wanted to see the dead little kittens.

Over time, Phoenix recovered. She ate like there was no tomorrow, slept a lot, and became increasingly agitated at being kept inside, except for a short walk each afternoon when I took her out on a lead, at Mom's insistence of course. She strained against her cat collar and gazed longingly at the forest where she had almost died of starvation.

I tried a little harder to be a good pet owner and did have her neutered.

In the evenings, Phoenix sat on the window ledge inside and cried pitifully to be let out, which was against the rules, but one night when Alice was home alone; (my fault again, because Bella needed me to teach her how to swim, so we were outside in the pool room); the cat started clawing at the glass of the window, then started throwing her body against it, and Alice made a split second decision that it was cruel to keep her locked up when she so desperately longed to be free, and back with her 'true love'. Only a teenage girl could think it was in any way romantic for a domestic cat and a wild cat to be mated.

Of course we never saw Phoenix alive again.

I can't say I was broken hearted because she was changed from the adorable, cuddly pet I had known in Boston, and was now little more than a wild cat herself.

Emmett discovered her body and brought it home. Esme insisted we say a few words after she buried Phoenix in the garden.

Dad was of the opinion she had probably 'smelled all wrong' to her mate, having been spayed, and he had detected she was no longer a breeder, so had killed her himself.

I never gave that cat another thought until one night when I dreamed about a pair of brown eyes watching me from a dark pit of despair.

Of course the dream was fucked up as dreams often are, and it was was not Phoenix's eyes watching me, but Bella's.

I woke up sweating and on the verge of screaming out loud and ended up walking out on the hiking path that led from our property down to La Push beach, a much shorter route than if one went by car and had to follow the twists and turns as that road looped back on itself and tripled the journey at least.

In the moonlight, I sat perched on the clifftops, staring at my 'Bella star ' and wondering what I had done.

That is, I am a doctor, I did know what I had done, but what was going to be the price both Bella and I would have to pay for my folly?

She must be okay or I would have heard it in her voice.

There's no way I could have predicted that she and Jake would fall apart without any interference from me, and I have waited so long for her to be mine.

I've waited since we were fifteen years old and contrary to what everybody else thought, my love had never wavered and other girls and women may as well have been men for all the interest I took in them.

None of them attracted me in even the slightest way.

Don't you think I would have chosen someone else if that had been at all possible, rather than sit by and watch my girl with him? Knowing she loved him had almost killed me. On more than one occasion I had sat right here, where I am now, and gazed down into the boiling surf below, wondering if the fall would kill me, or would I be torn apart by the jagged rocks or would I simply be knocked out and have to drown to find my peace?

Maybe I had not been of sound mind when I did what I did, but please, God, let Bella be safe. I did it for us, not just for me.

Forgive me.

Forgive me or take my soul and leave hers intact.

I have wronged her much more than she ever wronged me, so let me be the one who pays.

xxxx

She was working on the new magazine already, so physically her life was easier now. Carlisle had started paying her a wage beginning from those two nights I spent with her in the city in the hotel. I couldn't let her keep working in that bar. I should have thought things through and pitched the magazine idea to him sooner.

He had no expectations that he would make a profit from it, but he was happy so long as it didn't run at too much of a loss, and as he said, even if it did,it would be a handy tax write off.

Soon she would transfer to Seattle and so would I.

Carlisle and I had discussed this already and he was now weighing up whether he really needed the publication to be in that city or whether it could be put together here, in Forks, after all, rather than see me leave.

Life was just starting to look a whole lot brighter, so why this dream, now?

xxxxx

"Edward? I was wondering if you were free for dinner tonight? Around seven?"

Charlie and I often ate together, maybe once a week, so I didn't suspect a thing.

I glanced at my watch. My shift was almost over and I would have time to go home and shower and change, then text Bella, before arriving at the Swan house.

I enjoyed our dinners together, though often I cooked rather than Charlie, because he was somewhat limited with what he could throw together.

He was improving, now he was attending cookery classes along with my sister, Alice.

He was doing it as yet another way to fill in his empty evenings; she was doing it in the hope she would not kill Jasper with food poisoning on his next visit.

Dad knew he would also lose his daughter once the magazine was underway, if he took up the premises in Seattle, because as sure as night follows day, Alice would follow Jasper and live where he lived.

It had taken a lot of persuasion to keep her here in Forks as it was, when she had wanted to uproot and run to New York just to be with him.

"What are you making?" I asked, swapping my phone to my other hand as I pulled off my white coat.

"Um, mushroom ravioli," he answered.

"It's not going to be as good as Bella's, you know," I half joked. This was Bella's signature dish, and I was pretty sure nobody made it as well as she did. He was a brave man for even attempting a dish that would be instantly compared to hers.

"Actually I think it will taste exactly the same," he replied,laughing.

I bought a bottle of wine and a half dozen cans of beer, knowing Charlie would just have the one glass of vino, to please me, then gratefully begin on a can of Vitamin R.

I was a little disappointed to have no reply from Bella, but maybe she had let her phone die, or left it on silent mode. We never went to bed without at least exchanging a text, if not speaking to one another.

I'd just decided today that I had to go see her again. That dream disturbed me, and I wanted to see for myself that she was okay.

Jake was being a tool, which made me happy. He was denying her sex which would mean she would be all the more eager for my body, and I was fairly sure I was not just imagining it, but it sounded like she was pretty jaded and fed up with him and his tantrums by now.

The scales were tipping in my favour more and more and all we needed now was for the fat lady to sing.

I parked in his driveway and ran a hand through my hair which was still damp from the shower.

The front door opened, and Charlie appeared, surprising me with what he was wearing.

He had on new black jeans and a dress shirt, and his hair was gelled to within an inch of it's life. I was certain the bunch of flowers in his hand was not for me.

"Ah, you are early," he stated, looking awkward.

"Is that a problem? Are you cancelling on me? It looks like you may have someone a lot prettier than me to eat dinner with, if I am not mistaken."

"I, uh, have a date," he announced.

"Good for you. We can do this another night, when you are not so busy," I suggested, about to lean back into the car and replace the bottle and cans on the seat.

"You could take them inside and leave them in my fridge," he said hurriedly. "Save you bringing them another night."

"Okay," I replied. Things seemed slightly weird. Why hadn't he called and cancelled? I could be home chatting to his daughter on the phone.

"Go on in, see you tomorrow."

"I'll lock up for you, then," I replied. "Have a good night."

"You too. I won't be home until nine in the morning," he added.

"Okay," I answered, confused. Why would I care? Was this his way of telling me he was spending the night in someone's bed? He had done that before, especially lately.

If he really thought he could get away with this in a town this size, he was delusional. We all knew who he did his sleepovers with, and when he had stayed over, and what time he left in the mornings. Even if you were not interested, it was still the main topic of conversation everywhere.

I had patients lining up, hoping to be the first to inform me that Chief Swan slept at 'her' place yet again last night.

They were both consenting adults without spouses, so why did anyone even care? I was glad for him. This was no one night stand situation; Charlie was actually romantically involved with a woman for the first time since Renee left.

Maybe it would lead to something permanent, maybe not. He was dating again, that was the best thing.

This would never happen for me.

It didn't feel like a possibility that even twenty years of being alone could dull the memories of the only woman I had ever loved, and let me move on in some small way.

My skin started to tingle as I opened his front door and I quickly dropped the alcohol onto a chair and rushed inside to find her.

Bella was here!

The house smelled of the Italian dish she had no doubt cooked herself, but even so, I could still detect her aroma.

Like a meadow of wildflowers on a sunny day after a gentle rainfall, I could smell the sweetness that was Bella.

She walked down the staircase, and suddenly paused midway, and a smile lit up her face as her eyes searched for me.

"Edward?"

I bounded up the stairs between us and grabbed her into my arms.

"What are you doing here? I sent you a text and you didn't answer."

"Oh, I guess it's still switched off. Why didn't Charlie tell me you were coming?"

"He had somewhere else to be. He didn't even tell me you were here."

"Evidently my Dad has decided we need to do this face to face tonight. I was going to go see you tomorrow. Esme told me you had the day off so I thought I should let you have a good nights sleep first. But I'm glad you are here. I really wanted to see you."

"So eager for my body," I laughed. I was equally eager for hers and I started kissing her throat and she sagged against me, her will had just deserted her and she was putty in my hands.

I could have taken her right there, on the stairs, but I wanted her naked and relaxed and not worried her Dad might find he had forgotten his condoms or something, and come back and catch us.

"Edward, we need to talk. And eat. No wonder he asked me to cook your favourite meal. I was a little suspicious because he will always be a steak and potatoes man, yet he seemed quite desperate that I cook this dish tonight, even though I'm dropping with fatigue."

"If you are so tired, we should just go to bed."

"No, I need to say some things to you first. You may never want me in your bed again after this."

"What's happened?" I asked nervously. I felt cheated, immediately, because she was here so this was my time, but that damned Jake was somehow coming between us.

"I've left Jacob."

Okay. For those three words, I could be patient and hear her out.

"Great. I'm happy to hear it."

"Yeah, well, that's the good news."

"What is the bad news? I can't imagine it can dampen the joy I am feeling from hearing the good news."

"I'm pregnant."

I stopped breathing.

Most times I can control myself but my lips twitched and broke into a smile that I had no control over.

"You are happy?" she said in disbelief.

"I'm ecstatic. We are going to have a baby, Bella. A perfect, amazing, baby who will be just as beautiful as her mother. Of course I'm happy! Happy does not begin to describe how I feel."

"Edward, these are possibly the last words I ever expected to have to say.. I have always been fanatical about using condoms, no matter how much you longed to be barebacked inside me like you were once allowed. I know you were willing to risk it, but I always refused to ever allow you to, even on your birthday, when you may have begged."

And she had tried to comfort me by telling me she never, ever let Jake inside her ungloved. They had been light years away from wanting to have kids.

"None of that matters now. This is amazing. A baby. A little Bella baby."

"Before you ask, I don't know whose baby it is."

"It might be mine," I stated firmly. Well, it might be, God willing.

"Don't get your hopes up because I just don't know. Obviously it was completely unplanned and I'm still in shock but as I don't do sex without protection, the incident that led to me being pregnant is completely a mystery."

"Jake knows?"

"Jake knows. I only just realized earlier today, and he was there. I would have told you first had it been an option."

"Do you want it to be mine?"

"More than anything. Do you?"

"Of course I do. Wow. I can't believe this. We are going to have a baby, Bella. That's incredible. It's so much more than I ever dared hope."

Okay, small lie. I had a house with a nursery, of course I had hoped.

"But it might be Jake's," she reminded me.

I lifted her into my arms and carried her down the rest of the stairs and sat down on the sofa, and peeled her top up and her jeans down so I could kiss her belly. It did protrude a little and I rubbed my hand across it.

"Whoa. It kicked." I said in awe.

Bella placed her hand over mine and I felt the fetus move and squirm beneath our hands.

"Hmm. It feels like a Cullen. I can tell."

Bella laughed.

"What if it isn't? What if it's a Black?"

I shrugged.

"We'll fight him for custody and if we lose, then we will at least get to parent her part time. Marry me."

"What? Don't be insane. I've treated you like crap and I'm probably pregnant to the man you dislike the most in the world, and you want to marry me? That makes no sense."

"If we were married, this little baby would be a Cullen, regardless. We'd have more chance of getting custody of her a majority of the time."

"Jake doesn't want anything to do with her, or me. He has forbidden me putting his name on the birth certificate, even if she comes out with honey coloured skin and jet black hair."

"Fantastic. Then she is mine, either way."

"You want to raise Jacob Blacks child?" she said in disbelief.

"I want to raise Bella Cullen's baby. What does it matter who contributed to her DNA? She will be ours. Marry me, Bella."

"Is your strategy to nag until I give in?"

"Sure. You could give in now and save us a lot of arguments."

"You truly want us? You want me and you want this baby? No matter what?"

"More than anything in the world. Say yes."

"We need to sleep on it because you may return to sanity at some point and want to take that proposal back."

"I honestly have no idea how to live without you. I love you,Bella. I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isn't that enough?"

"Could you believe, that despite everything I've put you through, I love you, too? But marrying you would only be what's best for me, not what's best for you. Surely you feel some resentment that it happened this way? You must have pictured it differently. Us already married, no question about who started a baby inside me?"

"Bella, if you think my love for you comes with conditions, then you have no concept of how deep my love for you really is. I'm not going to only love you if you are not having his baby. I'm not going to only love you if it's mine. I know logically, you spent many more nights with him than with me so the chances are it is his, but it could be mine. All you have to do is give her to me.

Marry me and she will be an issue of our union and it would be up to him to prove otherwise. All we have to do is refuse to ever let them perform a paternity test."

"The chances that Jacob would ever want a paternity test is so remote as to be ludicrous. He will not object to it being your name on her birth certificate."

"Then there is nothing in our way. Marry me, Bella."

"Nothing I say is going to change your mind, is it? You think I'm good for you, and you want this baby. Okay, if that's what you truly want, I'll marry you, Edward."

xxxx

It had to be soon. I didn't want her emotions evening out again, and leading to her reconsidering.

I slept in her bed at Charlie's every night, seeing she wanted to leave his house as a bride. I didn't laugh, it may be way too late for her to wear white in the traditional sense, but as far as I was concerned, she could choose to wear whatever she wanted to.

As long as it wasn't a custom made dress from some popular designer that would take forever to make.

My sister appeared to own every copy of every bridal magazine ever printed and she bookmarked dresses she thought appropriate for Bella, but my fiancee seemed indifferent to them all.

"Do you still have that dress you wore to your twenty first?" I asked her.

I'd taken her shopping in New York, in a store that did not put price tags on their garments. If you had to ask, you couldn't afford it.

She was underwhelmed by the one off designer brands but she saw a sample dress a young unknown designer had made and decided not to run with, so it ended up on the rack of lesser expensive hopefuls that were mainly spurned by the wealthy who preferred garments by proven well known labels.

It was ice blue, and looked like gossamer. The high waisted bodice was fitted and covered in tiny hand embroidered wildflowers, and the long skirt was full and tulle like. It looked like something a ballerina would wear. Or a fairy. Completely impractical, but her eyes lit up as she caressed the fabric and her smile was all I needed to tell me this dress was made for her.

Her birthday fell on a Monday that year so her party would be on the Saturday beforehand, here in Forks.

That was fine; but I still planned to celebrate it on the actual day. Just the two of us.

When we arrived home, Charlie handed over his gift to her right away, and to Bella's dismay, he had bought her a dress to wear to her party. It was tomato red and just short of being garish and her skin instantly paled even further. He thought she loved it, so she did.

She loved that he had saved his money and had this dress made for her, in a 'bright, cheerful' colour, because he knew she was a bright, cheerful person and her eyes gazed into mine, apologizing that she would not even be mentioning the dress I bought her now.

"This dress is gorgeous, Charlie," I lied. "I can't wait to see you wearing it, Bella, at your party."

She was far more grateful to me than she needed to be and I think she kissed me about twenty times for being so understanding.

I was glad, though, because Jake danced with her for most of that night at the party and I only got a single turn, as did Emmett and the other men there.

Jake gave her a wooden bookcase, which was appropriate and practical considering her love for reading, but he had never, ever given her jewelery, and I knew she had hoped he would that special night.

Naturally she couldn't take her bookcase back to the city on the plane, so she had nothing to show the girls in her classes who had all expected maybe even an engagement ring.

I admit I loved that he was holding out on her, because a ring would have made us both think twice and there probably would have never been another night spent making love like that first time, and that would have been tragic.

My dress didn't see the light of day until her actual birthday, back in the city.

I had bought her something conventional for her public present, but on our private date, I placed a thin gold chain around her neck and secured the clasp.

A heart shaped diamond hung on the chain but Bella being Bella assumed it was just a crystal like the one on her bracelet that I had given her on her sixteenth birthday. That was fine; she didn't object to me spending a small fortune on it or protest it was too much for a gift from a friend, so that worked in my favour.

I did cringe later when she casually stored it around the neck of the wire dressmakers mannequin where she hung all her costume jewellery, but as I said, she had no idea that pendant was worth more than her car.

That night had been magical and ours alone.

We wined and dined at the best restaurant in the city.

I held her in my arms and danced every dance with her and she wore the blue frock and looked like a angel.

People smiled at us, assuming we were the devoted couple we seemed to be, and I pretended for that one night that we were. Bella seemed to get carried away with the romance of the evening and I could have made love to her had I pushed for it. But I wanted the night to be just about us being together.

Making love may have started her thinking about Jacob, and fretting about cheating, and he had no place there with us.

I wanted it to be all about Bella and I, so I kept things chaste and romantic, and it was all the more perfect for that.

I slept in her bed and was rewarded by the many times she spoke my name in her sleep as I cuddled her close to me, and that night actually gave me hope, in a way far beyond having sex with her would have.

She told me the next day she had never felt so cherished, and I think it even started her wondering about the path she was on, maybe for the first time ever.

I know it made her wish Jacob was different, and more like me, and that had to be a good thing.

He wouldn't change; why should he? He held her heart in his hands and was never even slightly careful with it. Had he been, she would not be mine now, so yes, I admit I am liking Jake a lot better now.

I'm very grateful to him and his rejection of the baby is the final straw.

It's like I scripted this myself.

"That dress is beyond perfect. Of course I still have it. It's in it's box in my bedroom closet."

"Then it's the dress to be married in," I pointed out. Okay, I knew when I bought it that it was the dress I wanted her to wear when she became my bride. It's just lucky the moths didn't feast on it by now.

Alice was skeptical until she saw it, then she cried.

That doesn't happen a lot.

Jasper smiled his mysterious smile and touched the fabric as he shut his eyes as he breathed in.

"Yes, this dress is perfect. It's all about connection and love and caring. Just the thing to wear when you vow to love one another forever."

He was definitely the strangest man I have ever met but strangely he fits in like a missing puzzle piece in our family, and makes us complete.

Bella makes me complete, but he somehow unites us all in a special way that's hard to explain.

Like he was once one of us and now he is back.

Bella and Jasper talk a lot; she loves the things he tells her and he always confirms she is making the right choice so how could I fail to welcome him and be glad he will marry my sister.

Growing up, Emmett and I thought no man would ever be good enough for Alice and we may have scared a few off before she even knew they were interested, but now we are vindicated, because she saved herself for him alone.

The one thing I would change if I could would be if I could have somehow kept Bella from going to Jacob's bed.

Not just after our first time, but ever.

Back then I was hoping an outside influence would interfere and prevent them ever consummating their love, but when she went to him a week after she had been with me, I knew from then on if I wanted to have any control of how things ended, I had to do something myself.

It took years for me to have the courage to something real, after all my feeble attempts to win her failed.

I'd been so hopeful that just sleeping with her regularly would convince her we were the better fit; the perfect match.

But still she chose him over me.

I was forced to pull out the big guns.

One day she will know I was right to do this, and understand and forgive me.

I was her first and I shall be her last so I have to look at her being with Jake as something she needed to do to realize I was her One, and it's better that it happened this way than not at all.

I'd still gotten her company and her kisses.

I was able to learn everything about her and become her best friend because she never knew that I loved her from the start. Maybe if she had known, she would have kept her distance.

Everything happens for a reason and so long as we are the two that get the happy ever after, I'm a happy man.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Chapter 11**

**Happy Australia Day, I'm sure someone will pull RP out of the bars he has been frequenting, and take him on a beach bbq in the usual Aussie Day tradition. As to why he arrived a week before he had to, (Guy is not even in the country yet) rumour says it was to acclimatize, which appears to mean 'get used to our beer.'**

Safe

Chapter 11

BPOV

"I really think Edward prefers my hair out," I grumbled as Rose and Alice tortured me with their brushes and hair irons and twirly thing that made my hair sit in corkscrew curls down my back.

Half of it was elaborately braided on top of my head..

"Bella, it's Edward. He isn't going to order you to wear your hair the way he likes it. You have free choice. How do you prefer it?" Rose asked.

She's an amazing mother and that kind of surprised me because Rose was always very vain and almost conceited, and to see her still carrying some baby weight and not caring is kind of unexpected. I thought she'd be living on celery and liquid grass until she got that tiny waist back, but instead, she eats like a horse and insists baby Emerson needs her to do that so she makes 'good' milk for him.

Apparently he likes chocolate flavoured milk and Emmett pops in and hands her a box of her favourite brand from Switzerland just to make sure she doesn't expire from starvation while she messes with my hair.

"Thank you, Baby," she says, wrapping herself around him so closely I'm scared they may forget Alice and I are in the room.

"Whoa," Alice says suddenly, folding back a page of the newspaper she is reading while waiting her turn to torture me with her make-up kit. "He beat you."

"Who beat me?" I ask, loosening the hair clip Rose buried into my skull so I don't end up with a migraine before Edward and I say our I do's.

"Listen to this.

_The Volturi family celebrated the nuptials of one of their own yesterday, just months after the loss of the well known business tycoon, Aro Volturi._

_His widow, Rose Volturi gave away their only daughter, Rosanna to Jacob Black, partner in Uley and Black , New York, in front of the entire Italian clan._

_The couple intend honeymooning in Hawaii and Mr Black will be joining the Volturi firm on their return. Mrs Volturi will accompany the couple on their honeymoon and use the opportunity to catch up with friends on that island._

_The bride wore blah blah"_

Huh, that dress is not even attractive, with her black hair. And she is kind of pudgy. Look."

I looked.

I don't know why I even felt shocked.

Jake and Sam were going under and I guess the only surprise is, Jake managed to nab the daughter and didn't have to resort to marrying the cougar.

"Who goes on a honeymoon with their daughter?" Alice grimaced.

Rose detached from Emmett and grabbed the newspaper.

"Fuck, a bride/groom/mother-in-law threesome on their honeymoon, do you think?"

"Rose, don't be gross," Alice replied.

"Well, if he's any good in the sack, Rosanna will have to thank Mommy Dearest for teaching him his tricks."

An awkward silence fell as it occurred to them that this conversation was pretty inappropriate in the circumstances.

"I'm glad he has moved on and found happiness," I said, rubbing the bump and soothing the baby who seemed to be trying to kick her way out.

Actually, I will just file this information away and think about it later.

Our own honeymoon won't be happening until after the nudger is born, because I want to enjoy it and not feel so nauseous. Edward and Carlisle assure me this all day morning sickness is common, though women still feeling off by this stage usually have not had the few months break I did, so I'm theoretically lucky.

It's taking some getting used to.

Alice ordered me to sit back with my eyes closed and I happily complied as she painted my wedding day mask into place.

Okay, she is a genius with a make-up kit and even I fancied myself when she announced I was done.

Tomorrow we have the first scan, delayed until then at Edward's request. I'm not sure why he wanted it done after the wedding; maybe in case there is some type of clear evidence the baby is Jacob's. Maybe she was conceived around a time we had not been together so it would have to be Jake's.

He has assured me a hundred times if that proves to be the case, he doesn't care but does he?

I know how badly I want this child to be Edward's and I will bawl my eyes out if it isn't.

It's not that I wouldn't be able to love a child of Jake's, but how much easier if she comes out with copper hued hair and green eyes.

"And it's time," Alice announces so I gather my ice blue skirt and rush off to pee so I won't get the urge during the ceremony.

"Please behave, infant child, and don't jump on my bladder until I put the ring on your Daddy's finger, okay?"

She kicks me , hard and strong and I rub my belly to soothe her. I feel a softer, more gentle movement in an entirely new spot and I am surprised she has the room to still be doing somersaults in there. I hadn't felt her move across to this side.

My belly is not large at all, just rounded and firm, and only noticeable because of the weight I lost of the rest of my body.

I want to eat and regain some bodyfat but the nausea makes anything but plain crackers unappealing and even Edward's constant encouragement isn't making eating easier.

xxxx

Charlie is almost bursting out of his skin with joy as he marches me way faster than convention demands down the aisle in the backyard, where Emmett and Rose tied the knot.

To my disbelief, he and Edward exchange high fives as he hands me over.

This is clearly what my Dad always wanted and is a victory for him.

People are laughing quietly at their antics and I feel a little lost until Edward rubs his thumb against my palm and I look into his eyes.

He was right all along. This was always the way things should have been. He smiles as he reads my eyes, and as he leans in close to slide the plain gold band on my finger, he whispers in my ear.

"You should have listened to me from the start. I have always loved you and known you were made just for me."

I should have listened.

I know that now but hindsight is easy.

Why my heart longed for Jacob is impossible to understand now and all I can do is be eternally thankful that Edward waited and still wanted me, even like this.

The baby is still and must be sleeping. I'm glad. Grabbing at your nether regions because you think she is going to drop out when she kicks so hard is hardly the look we are going for.

Edward kisses me and I feel so safe in his arms.

They are not the arms I originally craved but I feel so safe in alternate arms that I know now these arms were always the right ones.

How many times did they surround me and bring me peace?

Jake rarely held me like I was precious. With him, I always questioned my worth, but Edward has always let his feelings show in his touch.

I grieve for not acknowledging earlier how right he was.

xxxx

The night is still young but my husband can see I'm done and he stands and taps his spoon on his glass.

"My wife and I would like to thank you all for coming here today to witness this momentous occasion. We are grateful you all got to share this special time with us, but our infant demands I get her mother into bed, so, please, stay and enjoy yourselves, and we will see you again soon."

There are hugs and kisses and kind words but we manage to escape and head down the path to our new home, finished just in time.

Esme has furnished it with the necessary basics but once this pregnancy is over, Edward and I will choose whatever furniture we prefer.

I haven't been allowed down here since my return, so the big reveal is amazing.

Edward carries me over the threshold and up the staircase, assuring me tomorrow is soon enough to explore the downstairs rooms.

Our bedroom shines with rainbow colours as the moonlight seeps through the stained glass windows and it feels like it originally was; like a holy place. We feel the blessings and comfort of the very building as Edward unzips my frock and starts pulling the combs and hairpins from my hair so I shake my tresses out free.

He stands before me, his eyes roving over my body, his hands cradling my face.

"Thank you, my Bella."

"No, Edward. Thank you. For always having hope and faith."

"You have made me the happiest man in the universe."

I know that is true and I know that I alone can hurt him, and I am determined never to do that again.

No matter what.

He deserves the best, but instead, he got me.

All I can do is strive to be the very best me I can manage.

He kisses my lips so tenderly I feel tears well in my eyes and he wipes them away with his thumb.

"Don't cry. It's all good from here on."

I trust him completely, but some things are out of our control, and I'm glad, so glad, we had that one perfect night before the rest of the drama began.

xxxx


	12. Chapter 12

Safe

Chapter 12

There was no way I could eat breakfast but for Edward, I tried. I nibbled a little dry toast and forced myself to smile at him across the table.

"Are you okay?" he asks again, for the tenth time.

I know he doesn't mean the morning sickness, but his fear he may have hurt me somehow last night.

That would be impossible.

He was so tender and gentle I knew how much he was holding back. I had a feeling I would not be on the receiving end of anything more physical until he could assure himself he would not hurt the baby by making love to me.

"I'm fine, Edward. Last night was perfect. Thank you."

Last night was necessary; it was our wedding night and anyway, he wanted to reclaim me in case I had been with Jake since the last time we had been together this way.

I honestly could not remember but that is the very best thing about being married and promising to keep myself only unto him.

No other man will ever get to touch me.

My brain no longer has to struggle with the issue of me loving two men, because one is now my dearly beloved husband and the other is married himself.

Not that being married is likely to keep Jacob restricted to the one bed, unless of course, Rosanna is as rich as her Daddy was. That fact alone would stand a chance of keeping him faithful.

Faithful is new for me, too.

Much as I loved Jake, I always wanted Edward as well.

I know that's selfish and things could have ended way more badly than they did, but still I don't regret any of the times Edward and I were together. Looking back, I can now see we were always headed here, it's just annoying I had blinders on and idolized Jacob Black at the same time.

It wasn't even as if it was the real, actual Jake I loved. It was some childish expectation of how he would be when we grew up.

Weirdly, the Jake I wanted was an amalgamation of Edward and Jacob mixed together. Had I only known that, this marriage would have been a given from the start.

I had tried to instill Edward's qualities into Jake and that never works. If you can't love someone exactly as they already are, then give up and walk away.

If only we had always had Jasper at my side, giving me my daily guidance.

I finish the half slice of toast and sip cold water to numb my gag reflex.

"We should go," Edward announces, looking at the time.

A sense of doom hovers above me as my father-in-law watches the monitor that is turned away so Edward and I can't see it yet. He runs the transducer back and forth, and frowns.

"Well?" Edward says impatiently.

"It's good news and bad news," Carlisle replies.

Edward grips my hand and kisses me softly on the cheek.

His father turns the screen towards us and says the words I have always dreaded hearing.

"It's twins. One looks fine, the other is in trouble. Bella is going to have to be admitted for long term bedrest if we are to have any chance of saving the girl. I'm sorry, but we are going to lose the boy."

It feels like the worst day of my life.

Firstly, twins abound in Jake's family, so I guess we know who the father is now.

And he swore he would have one twin terminated if I ever conceived them.

Now his words cut like a knife.

I guess he is getting his wish.

He is reaching out, still hurting me like he always has.

"Look at our daughter, Bella," Edward says, trying desperately to salvage something from this disaster.

She's small but three times the size of the baby beside her.

She's active, kicking firmly, waving an arm about above her head while sucking on a thumb on the other hand.

He is still. Tiny. Undersized. He looks like a small doll.

"Why is he dying?" I ask Carlisle.

"His placenta is in a poor position, and is too small to sustain life. The cord is abnormal. Normally he probably would have miscarried early but the other twin has kept the hormones flowing so he's slowly letting go. They are far too early to deliver and if we tried, we'd lose them both. With luck, we can keep you pregnant long enough to give your little girl a fighting chance."

"But there's no hope for him?"

"None. I'm so sorry, Bella."

Edward is crying silent tears, even though I swore to never make him cry ever again. I should have trusted my instincts. I knew I was not good for him yet I let him marry me and have hope that me being in his life would improve it somehow.

It's worse for him because he is a glass half full type and I am always a glass half empty. If you have no expectations, you cannot ever be let down and disappointed.

He touches the image of the babies on the screen and I swear I hear his heart break. His finger caresses the image of our son, then he gently taps the glass screen and moves on to the larger baby.

"She's beautiful. She looks just like you," I tell him, wondering all the time how I am ever going to make up for this. She has to make it. No matter what they have to do to keep her alive, I will agree. I have to give Edward his daughter.

Carlisle orders someone to take me to a private room and as soon as I'm in bed, he slides a needle into a vein in my hand and starts the liquid feeding that will keep her nourished. Now my non eating is not an issue.

A nurse puts a strap attached to a monitor around my abdomen and we can hear her heartbeat. It's fast and loud and strong. And hopeful.

Then she eases a second strap on beside it.

His heartbeat is quiet , uneven, weak.

Now we have to hear it stop at some point. I sob out loud and turn my head to face the wall.

Edward stands by the bed and undoes the second belt and tosses it away. His father says nothing.

xxxx

EPOV

Our lives are reduced to one day at a time.

Bella is completely compliant and never objects to whatever test is inflicted on her each day.

The only bright spots are hearing our baby daughters strong steady heartbeat and seeing her grow a little each day on the scans. The portable machine is situated permanently beside Bella's bed.

Dad stopped checking the other baby a week after she was admitted, so we knew his struggle was over.

All the same, he has to remain inside her until his sister is born.

I kind of expected Bella to break down and insist he was removed but she just nodded when Carlisle explained this way was the safer option.

Now I think she is glad to have him with her longer, even though he is gone.

Somedays she hardly speaks, but others she makes a real effort and tries hard to look on the bright side.

"Would he have known she was there, with him? That he wasn't alone?" she asks one night when neither of us can sleep. I'm laying behind her, spooning my body around her and her precious cargo, in the hospital bed. It's too narrow really for two, but we have to touch. We have to be together through this time.

It truly is the best of times and the worst of times, and that's hard to live through.

We have lost our son, but we still have our daughter to look forward to. We bounce from joy to sorrow, from hope to despair, a dozen times a day.

Nights are harder.

At least in the daytime there is noise and people coming and going, and visitors.

Night is when we think of him and feel cheated.

"Of course he would have known. He shared the little bubble with his sister, they must have been aware of one another."

"I think I felt him kick once. The day of the wedding. She kicked me then I felt another kick but over the other side and I wondered how come I didn't feel her move all the way over there. Maybe he just wanted me to know he was in there as well. Maybe he was saying goodbye."

"He loved you already. He would have heard your voice and known you were his Mother. I'm sure he knew you loved him," I assure her. I have no idea if what I am saying is true. He was so small, maybe he never had any conscious thoughts at all. Maybe that would be better, for him.

If he never knew he existed.

She asks me if it would be alright to name him.

I want to agree but it will make him more real, but she needs to do this.

"That would be nice," I manage to mutter.

Because the baby girl grew a lot those first weeks that Bella was drip fed, she started thinking it was her fault the boy had died. If only she had forced herself to eat more.

I had to bring her medical journals and show her that he was doomed from conception and only the fact that he had a twin let him grow and survive as long as he did.

Some days pretending they are Jake's actually feels less painful than acknowledging they are mine. I want the girl to be mine but it would be easier to bear the death of the boy if he wasn't. I can't have it both ways and in reality, this type of thinking is just a desperate attempt to grab on to anything that would lessen the pain.

She woke screaming one night, when she remembered an incident that happened with Jake around the appropriate time.

"Edward, they are his," she cried, clinging to me.

"How do you know? It was just a dream, Bella."

"No, it was a memory. He was being rough with me because he was angry about something. The usual thing, probably. I remember actually feeling afraid of him, and when I got up the next morning, I was covered in bruises, on my hips, and my breasts. He'd held me too hard and bitten my skin in places and his entire hand print circled the top of my arms where he had held me down. And when he withdrew, the condom was gone.

It was still inside me and he had to fish it out. That must be the night the babies were started."

I was shocked, because I truly did not believe Jake would ever physically hurt her. It must have happened just after we had been together because I didn't see her for many weeks following, so I never saw the marks he inflicted on her. Only the scar of a bite on her wrist.

She'd refused to tell me how she got it.

Just shrugged and frowned as if trying to come up with a reasonable explanation, then gave up and distracted me instead.

I should have pushed her to tell me.

It's too late now.

The babies are mine.

We will raise our daughter together, and remember our son.

They are not his, were never his.

Neither of us care any more. That whole paternity issue is overshadowed now, and all we care about is getting this little girl safely into the world.

There never was any hope for our little boy, but it's still hard to understand and accept that these things happen. Not for any reason. Not because Bella did anything wrong. Not because we made love after the wedding.

It's strange because we never suspected his presence anyway, yet his loss is still acutely painful. All we know about him is his gender and that he will never know how much we love him.

He will never know what an amazing mother Bella will be. He will never feel her lips on his forehead, or lay against her chest as he takes his first breath and cry to have been taken from inside her, where he felt safe.

This is all my fault.

She thinks she doesn't deserve me when all the time it's still probably me who did this to her. I don't deserve her. I knew I would have to pay but not like this, never like this.

She is being punished for my crime.

Bella can barely stand it when any nurse, new to her case, reads the words on her chart and inevitably looks at us with pity.

The truth is, no matter what we did wrong, none of us deserved this punishment.

Charlie pretends to cope with knowing he lost a grandson by asking about his granddaughter instead and pretending the boy never existed.

I don't blame him at all. Whatever gets him through the day as he watches his own daughter lay here, pale and wan, fighting for her own life as well as that of her child.

I know Bella has told Carlisle if it comes down to it, if he has to put the welfare of one of them before the other, he is to save the baby and let her go.

She is his patient and he is supposed to listen and agree with what she asks but there is no way I am letting this child kill her.

How could I hold our daughter and look into her brown eyes, so like Bella's eyes, and love her, if her life cost me Bella?

xxxx

I go home to shower and eat and sit down at my Mom's table.

She's left me a meal and gone to sit with my wife while I'm gone. I shall only stay a short while, because already, I can feel the pull to return to Bella's side.

Alice looks into the kitchen and sees me.

"Edward, I'm pregnant," she announces.

"There's a lot of that going around," I reply.

"But I shouldn't be."

"Jasper is not happy?"

"Jasper is ecstatic. He says he always knew this would happen and he is already buying little blue clothes and things. It's a boy, apparently."

"Why are you surprised to be pregnant? The two of you rarely ever come up for air. You seem to spend most of your lives bonking. It was bound to happen. Don't tell me neither of you has ever heard of contraception? You have a father and a brother who are doctors,and we did get a lot of information about the birds and the bees growing up."

"That's the thing, Edward. Gold Medal Extra Strength condoms. What they cost should guarantee that they will work, right?"

I shrug.

"Bella's pregnant and that's the brand she and I used. Nothing is one hundred percent reliable."

"But two for two? Honestly?"

"That's a coincidence, surely. Just think, there are nine hundred and ninety eight other couples out there who use them as often as we did, and they are not pregnant. I guess we are the 'failure rate' victims."

"I'm finding that hard to believe."

"Where did you buy them? Do you know they were stored properly, out of sunlight?"

"I got them from the drawer beside your bed."

I frown and try to not react.

"Jasper is hardly able to pay those sort of prices and you had so many box fulls in your bedroom, and I only took a couple each day, from the open box. I didn't even know they came in boxes of one hundred. That seems kind of optimistic. You never noticed any were gone."

"Okay," I reply, my mind in turmoil. In a strange and twisted way, I am responsible for my sister being pregnant, as gross as that sounds.

"You did something to them, didn't you?" she asks. "We have never had one tear, so it wasn't an accident that caused this pregnancy and Bella's."

"That's just it, Alice. They never tear. Guaranteed. Not even if you stick them with a needle three times through the foil."

"You took away her options, Edward. What were you thinking? That Jake would kick her out once she found out? That one day he would be in Delivery and they'd hand him a pale skinned newborn with coppery hair and green eyes and he'd send them both to you? Did it never occur to you that he would carry her himself to an abortion clinic and get it fixed?"

"He didn't, though, did he?"

"Only because Jasper stepped in and stopped him. He wanted to take her the very day she left. And anyway, all those months when she should have been taking prenatal vitamins...did that even occur to you? I mean, folic acid is vital in the early days."

"The boy did not die from lack of folic acid. Bella has been taking prenatal vitamins for over a year."

"Why?"

"Because I told her she looked too pale and tired, even back then, and I repackaged the vitamins into a Women's Everyday Vitamin container. She has taken them faithfully. I checked every night on the phone and if she had forgotten, she took them while I waited."

"So you planned a long time ago. And you sabotaged the entire box of condoms."

"I never knew when she would be here, or I'd be there. I could hardly keep her waiting while I slipped into my bathroom with a silver packet and a needle."

"Edward, how could you do that to her?"

"How could I not?" I raged. "She was wasting her life; our lives. He is not worthy of looking at her, let alone anything else. She is mine, Alice, and she always has been. I had to do something. She told me he gave her an engagement ring briefly and in time, he intended putting it back on her finger for real.

We had agreed once that happened, we were done.

Do you have any idea of what my life would have been like? I'd be sitting around on the outskirts of her life, watching her marry him, have his kids, have our happy ever after. What about me, Alice? Was I supposed to end up in a retirement home, having not even held her in my arms for decades? Being the 109 year old virgin? If I'd never touched her, that's what I would have ended up being. No other woman has ever, ever, attracted me. I feared maybe I was gay, but then, no man ever appealed to me either.

I look at Rosalie and can logically see why Emmett loves her, but she does nothing for me . I've seen her naked more times that I have ever wanted to, and one would think, with me being a sex deprived college student, seeing our brother doing various things to a naked Rose would have at least sent me running to watch some internet porn, or seeking out a Jessica to use, but no.

Bella is the only one, Alice.

She drives me insane with passion and I want her all the time but when she isn't here or I wasn't there, nothing.

All the Tanya Denali movies in the world did not ever get me hard, unless Bella was at my side. Then it wasn't the sexkitten on the screen doing it, it was the girl beside me. She got me hard when we watched Bambi, for God's sake. You have no concept of what it was like sharing an apartment with her for _four _years, Alice. I'm sure my hand has callouses. I can't believe I didn't get RSI in my right wrist."

"TMI," my sister growled. "Okay, I see your point. She was made for you, you were getting old waiting to claim her properly, yet she slept with you and kept giving you false hope. I kind of understand why you did it. You could have hidden the condoms so no innocent parties ended up pregnant."

"And you could have bought your own."

"Point taken. What do you think Mom and Dad will say when I tell them about the baby?"

"Mom will let out one of those weddings dresses you bought in bulk and Dad will march you down the same aisle Emmett and I waited at,and you two will have your happy ever after. I'm going back to my Bella now. I'd rather you didn't tell anyone about this conversation. There's an even chance Bella is carrying Jake's children, anyway. I just evened up the playing field, it seems."

"I'm glad you are in with a chance."

xxxx

Bella rallied for a while then her blood pressure went sky high and I knew Dad was battling to prevent her having a stroke. She was drowsy from the meds and I checked her frequently.

There was no denying it.

This had to end, now.

I told the midwife to call Dad in and took Bella on a gurney into the OR myself and did all the prep.

I had just opened her belly with a scalpel when Carlisle rushed in.

"What happened? Another crisis?" he asked, hurrying to my side.

"Sure, if that's what it takes to force you to get this baby out of her now."

"Edward, you know she wanted to hold on as long as she could. It doesn't seem critical to me that we deliver her tonight. Her blood pressure is down a bit and stable."

"Too late," I replied, opening her uterus.

He sighed and retracted the muscle so I could reach in and extract the baby.

She came out still and silent, and I lay her on the tray and cleared her airways. She was smaller than we had expected, and didn't respond at all at first. I was ready to give up when she suddenly sneezed and then let out a thin wail.

The midwife lifted out the other sac and took it from the room while we worked.

Dad listened to the baby's heart and lungs and we handed her to the critical care nurse, and turned our attention back to Bella. Dad had packed her uterus to try and stop the bleeding but I knew the chances were, even if she survived this, there would never be another child.

I'd probably taken away her only chance of motherhood in my panic to save her life.

xxxx


	13. Chapter 13

Safe

Chapter 13

BPOV

"Bella, come back to bed. You need to rest."

Edward is putting on all the necessary paraphernalia to be allowed into the NICU.

"I can't. They've put her back on life support."

"That's just to help her breathe for a while. She was exhausting herself with the effort of breathing alone, so they are giving her a break. She's no worse than she was yesterday."

"But no better either," I reply. "I've decided on her name. Rylie. R. Y. L. I. E. "

There's a reason I have chosen this name. I have never really liked names that can be used for both genders but I want to say this name every day for the rest of my life, and I named our unseen son Riley. I don't want to turn into one of those sad women who forever mourn their lost child, so this way, everytime I or anyone else says our daughter's name, our son will be acknowledged as well.

"I expected something with more of a family history," he says, sitting beside me, staring into the glass bubble that houses our daughter.

I explain my reasons and he turns to face me and cradles my face in his hands, and he kisses me gently.

"That's a great idea. I'm glad you did name him."

"I was thinking we could add Esme as her second name or maybe..."

"What?"

"Renee. Not that she deserves to be acknowledged. It's just that it would make Dad happy."

"Maybe three names then?" he suggests.

"Or maybe we could combine both grandmothers names somehow," I offer. I don't want a baby this small being burdened with too many names.

"Esmeenee. Esren. Renesmee," Edward muses out loud.

"Rylie Renesmee. Perfect," I reply.

"Rylie Renesmee Cullen," Edward states, putting his hand inside the glass box and stroking our daughter's soft brown hair. So far there are no clues to whom she looks like, other than me.

Her eyes are brown already, rather than newborn blue slate.

Her skin is pale, and I examine it every day, scared it may darken over time.

She's small all over and has my short limbs.

The pediatrician seems calm as he exams her chart and then her body.

However, I know it's part of their professional personas to appear calm no matter what, so I find little comfort from his manner. I'd watched this man deliver the worst possible news to the couple whose son had occupied the only other isolette in this room, and his demeanor had not changed.

Their fight is over, their child was taken off life support and allowed to slip into eternal rest, as they say, when his problems were found to be too overwhelming.

I just hope that doesn't happen to us. I cannot imagine Edward ever being able to do the sensible thing if the specialist tells us the physical and mental cost of keeping our baby alive is too high, and she will come out of this room terribly handicapped.

I used to think it was kinder to let babies like that just die but when it's your own, it's different. We just want her to live.

Every morning I wake up and fear today is the day some doctor will come in and tell me she slipped away while I was sleeping. I wonder if it would be Edward who would break the news? Or whether he would have run, screaming to the hills, unable to bear my pain as well as his own.

A nurse takes a tiny amount of blood and I hold my breath as she does it, watching the graduated scale on the side of the syringe, hoping she will take the bare minimum because anyone can see this baby has little to spare.

Rylie pulls her hand back, away from the source of the pain and once more, I'm shocked how they just put such tiny babies through so many painful tests and procedures.

"To keep them safe and alive," Edward always reminds me.

I can see by the monitor that Rylie is asleep now, no doubt trying to escape reality and choosing instead to visit the better life in her dreams.

"Come on, or you will be too tired to make milk, and to visit her later when she wakes up."

We can't even tell when she is asleep except for the machine, because her eyes are hidden behind a mask as she sunbathes under a lamp that helps her body breakdown waste, a task as yet too arduous for her little liver.

Her movements are restricted by her arms being tethered so she doesn't knock or pull out tubes.

I rub her foot and she flinches, and I instantly feel bad because I forgot about the heel prick wound, even though it's done in front of me every single day.

Leaving this refuge is horrid, not knowing if we will ever walk back inside again. Her life is hanging by a thread but we don't mention that fact.

We just wait and watch and hope and pray.

xxxx

Carlisle enters my room as Edward puts my lunch on the tray that sits across my lap, and I peek under the lid to see what gourmet delights await me today. We both look at him, our eyes searching for good news, but fearing bad.

"Her tests are fine. She is doing well, better now she is being helped to breathe."

"How long will she need to be on life support?" I ask. I only know the basics but I gather the less she needs to be assisted this way, the better for her long term health.

"Bella, it's always a balance. It's better if she breathes alone, but then, she needs to stay alive. We are just helping her over a hump today. I promise we are only do whatever is necessary for her long term health to be as good as it can possibly be."

I know her early years will be an anxious period of watching her closely, comparing her to every other baby her 'adjusted' age. Waiting to see if she hits her milestones.

I refuse to consider I may walk out of this hospital with empty arms.

We already paid our penance.

"Do you agree with Edward that it's better I don't see our son?" I ask my father-in-law and he catches his son's eye.

"Bella, better you remember him as you saw him on the scan. Anyway, his remains were taken for cremation, didn't Edward tell you?"

I look at my husband and he takes my hand, gazing into my eyes as he kisses my knuckles, saying nothing.

Everything he does is for me. To save me any pain he can manage so I nod and agree that is for the best. The temptation to sneak to the room in the basement and demand I be shown the tiny body is gone, now.

I imagined him small but perfectly formed, but in reality I know he was inside for a relatively long time after he died. They are right.

Better I can just remember him as a smaller version of her.

Little splayed star fish hands, twitching toes, tiny limbs.

A soft downy crop of brown hair on his head.

Brown eyes.

"I'll be back later. Eat your lunch," Carlisle mock growls.

"I'll order a little brass plaque. What do you want engraved on it?" Edward asks after his Dad leaves. He wants somewhere for us to go to visit our son in the future, although he is agreeable that we scatter Riley's ashes in our garden so he is always there with us.

Esme has been madly planting up the rose garden in preparation.

I'd rather let him fly freely over the yard where the wildflowers bloom in abundance.

"Our little angel Riley Edward Cullen, beloved son of Edward and Bella Cullen. Devoted twin brother of Rylie Renesmee Cullen. And the date he was 'born', I guess."

He nods.

"Would you rather have the plaque put in our garden than in the chapel?" he asks softly, reading my mind.

"Yes, if that's okay."

"Of course, whatever you prefer."

God, we are so polite nowadays.

"That way Rylie can see it when she is big enough to toddle around the yard," I add. I can see her already, her little hands clinging to Edward's fingers for support as she learns to take her own weight on her chubby little legs. They will be chubby, one day. Not little sticks like now.

She will have his hair by then, and maybe even his emerald green eyes, with luck. Early eye colour, especially in a prem, does not always indicate final colour.

After lunch I express milk with the dreaded breast pump machine then we check on Rylie before Edward carries me back to my bed, to get some rest. I'm surprising everyone by proving to be quite the cow, and I've taken the title for most prolific milk producer ever of a premature infant in this hospital.

Carlisle tells me even compared to women with full term husky big babies with enormous appetites, my milk deposits are impressive.

Who knows, maybe my body thinks it is lactating for two. Maybe it never got the memo.

Edward climbs up on the bed behind me and I lay there looking around the room, muted by window blinds and the closed door.

Cards galore hang from a line Edward hung across the room. All pink, except for two. One is from Jasper. He handed me a card after Alice had already delivered the 'Welcome to your baby girl' type one that accompanied the pink frilly birthday cake of a dress, twice the size of our daughter.

His card has "Congratulations on the twins."

He has chosen it with great care. There are no words inside talking about the joys of raising two babies at once. Just words telling us we were chosen to carry them and we are blessed.

He alone acknowledges the loss of Riley Edward in a tangible way, but then Rose surprises us and gives us two cards herself that same visit. A pink card like the others, and a blue card for our son.

"_A little rose, lent not given, to bud on Earth, and Bloom in Heaven."_

The words ring inside my brain.

Edward snores softly against my back and I close my eyes and sleep.

EPOV

"Support her head. Don't drop her."

I can't help myself. I hover over Bella as she is given our daughter to hold for the first time ever.

There's more blanket than baby and Bella's eyes shine as she smiles at Rylie Renesmee.

Dad snaps off photos and I kneel at her knees and gaze into the changing eyes of our daughter.

Bella is right.

Already there are hazel flecks and we desperately want it to mean she is truly mine, though I can't imagine her being any more mine than she is already.

"Do you want to hold her, Edward?" Bella offers, knowing this first excursion out of 'the box' will be brief.

I sit on the chair beside hers and she transfers the infant to me.

"Support her head. Don't drop her," Bella says with a grin.

She's always happy ever since Jasper snuck in at around two a.m. this morning and informed us Rylie had turned the corner and will make it, and be fine.

Not damaged at all.

Dad gave us much the same news, only a more cautious version, when we went to the nursery after breakfast. Of course, he is only a fully trained doctor with many years experience under his belt. How could he be as sure as Jasper with his mysterious powers?

Alice is waiting when we get back to Bella's room.

My wife could have gone home days ago but she has panicked at thought up until now.

"I wondered if you want me to furnish the nursery? Or do you two want to do that yourselves?"

my sister asks.

"How about you go to the baby shop in Port Angeles and show us the cribs and strollers they have with your phone, and we pick, and you buy," Bella suggests, packing her bag with my help.

She is coming home.

She completely trusts that Jasper is right.

I'm grateful to him, but less sure. This had better go as he has promised. I take her bag to the car while Alice helps her shower and change. Despite Alice's desire to dress my wife like a Barbie doll, she has obeyed my orders and brought in a soft, loose dress that Bella loved wearing before the birth, and flats.

We wave to a sleeping Rylie through the glass observation window and Dad hands me our camera that has kept a photographic record from the day Rylie was delivered. I will print out copies of every photo, for us, for Charlie and for my Mother.

I have not informed Jacob of any news about the last eight weeks, but I suppose I must print out copies for him, also, just in case he develops a desire to catch upon news of Bella's life at some point.

If he never asks, I will never tell.

I heard a rumour he was living in Italy now and I hope he likes it there because I think Italy is a great place for him to reside in, forever.

Let's face it, there he can have a wife and a mistress and just be 'normal' for doing so. I wonder if his mother-in-law loves or hates the fact he married her daughter? It would have been a slap in the face unless, of course, she was behind the match herself as a way to keep Jake near her.

I wonder if Aro is turning in his grave about now.

xxxx

Bella wanders through the house, smiling at each room, going out into the backyard to see Mom's progress with the gardens and I join her.

I agree with her idea to free the ashes of Riley Edward into the yard rather than the rose patch.

Rylie Renesmee will play out here one day and maybe feel the presence of her brother again around her.

There is a slight chance, thanks to the skill of my father, that one day we will have the opportunity to welcome another baby into our lives if Bella is willing to try. It's completely up to her, though. I would never ask her to do anything she didn't want to do.

Rylie will be enough.

xxxx

First bottle feed, and Bella grips the sterile container tightly as she holds Rylie on her lap, on a pillow. I snap photos,and smile at the long awaited sight of mother and daughter making eye contact. Bella grins broadly and relaxes as the infant sucks on the teat strongly.

Sometimes it can take weeks to get a prem to suckle after only ever knowing tube feeding before, but Rylie takes to it like a duck to water.

Every tiny progress is important and to be celebrated.

Bella has recovered from the birth physically, and seeing our baby blossom daily is keeping her hopeful and positive. She has re-arranged the nursery a dozen times, and washed all the impossibly small baby clothing twice.

Rose is always on hand to help but seeing and handling Emerson is weird, because he now feels like a baby giant. His weight makes my arms ache, in comparison to our child whose weight barely registers but Carlisle assures us she is gaining at an appropriate rate. He has reminded us, even had she been full term, she would never have been a large baby, so when her actual due date arrives, he is pleased that she has hit five pounds even.

Her skin color is still slightly yellow as her sluggish liver tries to cope, so she sunbathes regularly under the lamp still.

Dad tests her blood and I grab the results first each time, still afraid her complexion could be inherited from him rather than just jaundice.

So many times I have just sat here holding her in the natural light through the window, examining her skin and wondering if she is truly mine.

She feels like mine.

I know that's not a medical pointer to be paternity but I have bonded so tightly with this baby girl, I'm just afraid at some point Jacob will come back and try and keep me from the second girl I love, like he did for so long with the first.

"You could settle this today. We could run a paternity test and know for certain," Dad suggests yet again.

I shake my head.

"If I knew it would prove she was mine, of course I would agree, but if we know she is Jake's then we will both be fearful of the future and if even we don't know the truth, nobody can accuse us of lying to him by omission.

I just don't know what Bella would think she was obliged to do if she knew Rylie was his. I do not ever want him back in her life in any way at all."

"Don't you trust her?" Carlisle asks, frowning.

"It's not that, but think about it. Bella has always had two lovers, two sexual partners, two men who adored her. She lived with him and stayed with me occasionally. It's got to be weird to suddenly have him out of her life so completely. She wouldn't be human if she didn't miss him now and then, and wonder how he would be now had they experienced the pregnancy and birth together as the parents instead of her and me.

He has always been in her life and now, nothing. I know when she was away from me, absence did make her heart grow fonder for me. I can't help wondering if it's the same with Jake. Is she missing him and wishing he was here, too? I know she loves me, Dad; she always has to some degree, but that doesn't overlook the fact she always loved him as well. Even more."

"He put her through too much stress and neglected her too often for her to think of him fondly, surely," Dad replied.

"We are men and we think far more logically than women do. To us, his behaviour was unacceptable so he had to go, end of story.

To her, he was always pushing and letting her down and I think she just adapted each time and got used to expecting very little from him. His presence was enough. Now she must be thinking back, about the good times, and wondering if she has chosen right. Every time Jasper assures her she has, she is happy, but in the middle of the night, sometimes she still cries out his name in her sleep. Unconsciously, she still thinks about him even if she never mentions him during the daylight hours."

"Edward, just think about this. Rather than doing all you can to keep them apart, it might make sense for him to visit and then she will see him with new eyes, and at least you will know from her reaction how she feels about him really. That girl's eyes can never lie."

"I'm a long way from being ready to cope with that," I replied, kissing the top of my daughter's soft downy head before returning her to her open bassinette.

"I'm only asking because I thought an encounter like that would be best taking place in this hospital, and that young lady in your arms can go home any time she likes. Her last tests are excellent and we do not have any reason to keep her in any longer."

I'd suspected as much myself. Rylie looks great and is eating well and her suntan has faded. She is pale skinned but pinkish now. Just the sort of colouring one would expect a baby of Bella's and mine to have.

If Jacob is full Quileute, then there is very little chance this child is his.

"I want to be the one to tell Bella the good news," I tell him.

She's down in the hospital nursery, carefully taking notes from the nurses who have been looking after our precious infant. Bella wants to know what to do in every situation, even though so many people are at the end of the telephone, and I will be staying home from work for a few more weeks yet.

Having one's Father as his Boss has its perks.


	14. Chapter 14

Safe

Chapter 14

EPOV

The car seat is installed, and checked, and re-checked.

All it needs is it's passenger.

Bella runs out and gets into the passenger seat, a tiny pink outfit clasped in her hands. It took her an age to choose what our daughter will wear home.

"This is going to swim on her. I just could not find anything small enough."

"It doesn't matter what she wears for her homecoming, just that she comes home," I remind her.

We hurry to the hospital nursery, half afraid Dad will have found yet another reason to keep Rylie in for another night, but my sister is waiting for us, our daughter in her arms.

"Do you like the dress?" Alice asks. "I made it myself. I decided my niece needs a very special outfit to wear home."

The tiny frock is emerald green and fits perfectly. It suits Rylie's hair and complexion beautifully.

"I kept enough fabric to make her another just like it for her second birthday. Jasper says it will match her eyes by then."

So far he has always been right but the pessimist in me is always waiting for the first time he is proven wrong.

"Wow, Alice, she looks beautiful. The dress is amazing," Bella says, gently reclaiming our daughter. "You are very clever to have made that. And I love all the accessories."

"White is the only colour to put with green," Alice informs her seriously. "No matter what these modern designers say, blue and green still suck together."

The baby has a snowy white headband around her head, with a floppy white flower above her right eye, and a pair of tiny white sock things on her feet. And white lace shows from under the dress so I guess she even has a tiny petticoat.

Jasper smiles and hands me the white blanket with "_Rylie Renesmee"_ embroidered across one corner.

"How's the magazine going?" Bella asks him.

"Fantastic. Though I think Carlisle is genuinely amazed that it's the second highest selling magazine in the country. He had not really believed hipsters would pull out their wallets and actually pay ten bucks for a copy."

"So there goes his tax write off," I laughed.

"For sure. He had to actually hire a full time accountant to manage all the paperwork associated with running this venture, not to mention another ten staff yet again this week. He is improving the economy of Forks in a way nobody ever anticipated. Well, nobody but me. Even Mike and Jessica are working for us now. I think there might be an actual spark between that pair, now they've grown up and settled down into real life."

"Well, Mike will be getting a very ...experienced woman," I grinned. "But then, he contributed the most to her education, so it's only fitting they end up together."

"It will be the most flamboyant wedding this town has ever hosted," he promised with a wink.

Going home is nerve wracking and inside my head I am reviewing every possible crisis that may occur and what to do.

"Edward, don't break your brain. Jasper assures me she is past all the drama now, and things will be wonderful."

"It's just that we are in charge of her now. Just the two of us. It doesn't seem to be enough people, after all the nurses and specialists and Dad," I explain.

"But we are the two that love her the most. She knows that."

We carry her carefully from the car and lay her in the downstairs cradle. I have bought four of them, so we have one each side of our bed, so she will be on the side of whoever's turn it is to mind her that night, and one is in her nursery, but I don't like the idea of her being in her room all alone.

I filled that one with some of the many soft toys people gave her as welcoming gifts, so it is getting used.

"What do we do now?" I ask, as Rylie snuggles down and falls asleep.

"We don't hover, and check she is breathing every five minutes. We trust Jaz is right, and we get on with our lives like any normal parents," Bella replies.

"But she's so small," I object. "So small and so precious. I need to protect her."

"She's safe, Edward, for now. Save that for when she's a teenager and has boys..."

"Bella, wash your mouth out with soap. No filthy disgusting boy is ever touching my daughter."

She sighs.

"Poor baby girl. I guess it will be up to Mommy to plant a convenient apple tree beside your bedroom window," she tells our sleeping infant.

I frown and take a mental note to have the entire courtyard below Rylie's eventual bedroom window paved with eight inch deep concrete. Let's see any tree push through that barrier!

And I will get security screens bolted onto all bedroom windows.

"We should rest while she rests, your Dad said," says my wife, peeling off her clothes and dropping them on the floor.

Now my mind is filled with a dozen thoughts at once.

Of course I want to resume making love with Bella now we can relax and enjoy the experience. _But_ I don't want to leave Rylie down here alone.

_But _the doors are all locked and Bella is turning on the baby monitor so we will hear her if she cries.

_But _even if we take her upstairs with us, she may see something that no baby should see, and maybe she will retain that memory forever.

I lift my naked wife into my arms and take one last look at Rylie, who is oblivious to my dilemma.

"We have to keep the noise down and not wake her, and if we hear the slightest peep..."

"You will rush downstairs so fast you will probably trip and fall to your death, and then I'll have to find someone else to marry," Bella states.

"Mine," I growl, making up my mind. After this session, she will never consider me interchangeable again, I swear.

"Promises, promises," she laughs and I realize I have spoken the words out loud.

I lay her down on our bed and hover above her, kissing her lips as we struggle to remove my clothing.

"Edward, you know you are my One and your are completely irreplaceable, right?" she murmurs as I run my hands over her body and find my way home.

I plunge inside her and run my fingers through her hair as I kiss her lips to silence.

She runs her hands through my instant bed hair - just add Bella- and as I thrust inside her, she tightens her hold and tugs on it, making my body desperate.

"I love you far far more than I ever loved him. You know that."

"I hate that you loved him at all," I growl, wanting any talk of Jake gone from this room.

"I love that you loved me enough to wait for so very long. You were so patient back then," she sighs.

"Except for the cashing of our vcards and sleeping in your bed, and making love to you after college, sure. I was patient." I agree.

"How could I have taken so long to open my eyes and really see you?" she moans.

"Well, you are seeing me now," I cry and feel her around every inch of me.

I lean in closer and cover her mouth with my own and push my tongue into her mouth to muffle her screams so we don't wake the baby downstairs.

xxxx

The first weeks, months, pass in a daze. Esme comes and babysits some nights but we are too tired to go out, so we just retreat to the bedroom and make love then sleep.

Sometimes we sleep first before we have the energy and will to make love at all.

"We can't let this change our sexlife," I caution as Bella flops into bed beside me and turns away, hugging her body pillow against her chest and winding her legs around it.

"Course not," she mumbles and her breathing changes as she falls asleep.

I creep up behind her and she starts, as she feels me inside her.

"Edward, you do realize I'm too tired to moan or anything, right?" she warns me. "I may even fall asleep halfway through."

"It's fine, Baby, it's all in the leading. I'll finish the dance even if you are only here in body and not in spirit."

Somehow I manage to keep her awake but it's ten in the morning before either of us struggles up from dreamland.

As always, we panic and rush to the empty nursery then down to the kitchen, but Mom has stayed all night and our daughter is fed, bathed, dressed for the day and hasn't missed us at all.

She gives us quick smile then returns her full attention to Carlisle, who is biting her toes and singing some rhyme.

"Go and shower and get dressed while I cook your breakfast," Mom orders and we trudge upstairs again. Bella stripsoff and stands under the water, but her eyes are watching me discard my own pajamas, and when I get in the shower stall behind her, she turns and grabs my attention along with my erection.

"I hope the eggs don't get cold," she winks as she removes all thoughts from my brain and all I see is her.

xxxx

First birthdays are a celebration of a whole year of life and to us, it's even more meaningful as Jasper puts in the dvd of Rylie's first year and we gasp at the tiny infant on the screen as she battles to breathe alone in her isolette.

You do forget how tiny she started out, and to look at her now, it's almost impossible to reconcile the chubby toddler with the slip of an infant struggling on the screen.

She toddles over and pats the image of herself.

"Bunny?" she asks and Alice laughs.

"She did look like a skinned rabbit, come to think of it."

"That's you, "Rose says, stroking the tiny yet life sized picture. "That's baby Rylie."

Rose is fat with baby number two and it does make me wonder if we will ever be that lucky. Carlisle is unsure if it would be wise to put Bella through another pregnancy, ever, but of course, Jasper has a different opinion.

"The next pregnancy, which will be your last, will be wonderful. No morning sickness even. It will be like any other, even though it will be truly special. But you are not ready yet. It will happen, Bella, but not until the universe decides it is the right time. Don't be impatient and don't seek medical intervention, because that would be a waste of time and money. It will happen when it should."

"How many nephews and nieces will we have by then?" Bella asks, because she knows Jaz will not give her a date or even a year as a hint of when our second miracle will occur.

"Three from Rose and Emmett and three from Allie and I," he replies.

"Three? I am rather liking just having this one for a while," Alice protests as she cuddles Jaxon Whitlock in her arms.

"You should have told me that before last night, then," he grins and Alice scowls.

"Seriously, Jasper? I have to go through all that again already?"

"I'm afraid so but then, you are looking forward to having a little princess to frill up next, right?"

Alice puts the baby down onto the blanket on the floor where his toys are waiting and clasps her husband in her arms.

"A girl? Thank you, Baby. You are the most perfect husband ever."

"And you better have the same news for me," Rose warns, standing beside them , her foot tapping impatiently.

"Babe, we don't want to know, remember?" Emmett protests. He already peeked at the last scan even though he had promised not to, and he is hoping Rose will be thrilled with a second son. His strategy is that if she doesn't know the gender until the baby is handed to her, then she will be more accepting.

"Next time, Rose, I promise," Jasper replies.

"Crap. Now I have to think of another boy's name. Emmett, you have to choose it this time."

"Benjamin Nash Carlisle Cullen," he replies , having had more than a month to come up with the name. She considers it, her eyes narrowed, and then smiles.

"Okay. I love Benjamin. Emmerson and Benjamin and Carly. Perfect."

"And hurry up and have Carly nice and close after Benjamin," Bella growls. "You too, Alice. I need these kids to be born pronto so Edward and I can have our son."

Jasper walks past me on his way to the kitchen later and I grab his arm.

"Just tell me, please. Is it going to be a boy? Bella has her heart set on it."

I have abandoned all doubts that Jasper is all seeing.

"What would you prefer?" he asks, as if he can't already read the answer in my mind.

"I would like to have another girl. It's not because I suspect Rylie still could be Jake's."

"What? Do you and Bella really not know for sure? Of course she is yours. I can't believe you have never asked me, or that I have never just told you. Edward, she is your daughter."

I sag with relief, even though I always said it didn't matter.

"Um, dude, you are crying like a woman," Emmett scolds as he pushes past us to get to the fridge.

"I'm just so happy," I reply, wiping my eyes roughly. I haven't cried for such a long time I really thought I never would again. But crying with happiness is fine.

"Your son and daughter to be will be fine. I have already told you the pregnancy will be textbook, and these twins will be fullterm and good birth weights. Believe it or not, Bella is going to end up carrying thirteen pounds and one ounce of babies."

He lets me manhug him, though we have never hugged before.

"Thank you, Jaz. So much."

"Hey, I'm just the messenger," he shrugs.

Emmett stands there watching, shaking his head at such unmanly behaviour.

"When you ladies are done cuddling and weeping, maybe someone could light the barbecue so I can cook us some nice juicy steaks. You know, real food for real men. Or would you two prefer quiche and a side salad?"

"He will cry like a baby when Carly is placed in his arms for the first time," Jasper whispers to me and I laugh.

"God, I hope I am there to see that."

"See it, catch it on video," Jasper winks. "Post it on youtube."

xxxx

BPOV

I toss the stupid plastic stick onto the floor and reach for my cell.

"What the fuck, Jasper? Carly is six weeks old, you and Alice have your three kids as well, and I'm still not pregnant."

"Um, Bella,you do know I am still in the Delivery Room with our new son, right? He's not even an hour old. Your husband and father are still attending to Alice."

"But you said.."

"I didn't say the minute Joshua drew breath that you would conceive."

"Joshua? That's cute."

"Jaxon, Jacey and Joshua. That's us done. We have done our part, now it's up to you and Edward."

"Well, may **I** point out, Rylie turns four next week? I mean, she is going to be nearly five before her brother is even born. It's okay her being an only child and getting all of our attention but I really didn't want our son to be so far behind her that he will be like an only child as well. Edward already thinks 'us women' raise our sons to be Mommies boys and he keeps telling me I had better let his son be a real boy. But he will be swamped with our undivided attention so what hope will he have?"

"That will not be a problem, Bella."

"Says you. Edward spoiled Rylie rotten and it will be perfectly natural for me to focus all my attention on our son."

"You may wish sometimes that you had that luxury as an option," Jaz chuckled.

"Jasper, stop talking in riddles and tell me when this baby is going to be conceived. Now."

"No, not now, I told you Edward is still here with us. It would be a bit hard to proceed without him."

"Then send him home to me."

"Patience. It won't happen for another, um,let's see, eleven days. There, go plan your sex life around that."

I internally squealed in delight.

"Send him home, we need to practice."

I hung up and did my happy dance.

Eleven more days.

Where's a calendar, I want to see when our son will be born. Crap. I didn't ask Jasper if it will be a boy for sure.

I contemplate calling him back.

What the heck. It's not like the father has much to do once the baby has been delivered.

"_This is a prerecorded message. Go away and stop bothering me, Bella or I will not tell you that you will indeed, conceive the baby boy you want."_

Double happy dance!

But then I know Edward longs to have two daughters so maybe I had better tone this down when he does get home. He will be a little bit sad to not be getting another little girl, but on the other hand, he could have thought ahead and just asked Jasper like I did.

Damn.

I want to call Alice and tell her to come baby clothes shopping with me, after all we can't dress EJ in pink hand-me-downs from Rylie's closet.

But I suppose she is 'too busy' like her husband.

This is their third kid, I thought women were able to give birth just like shelling peas by the third time. She should be up and about, not laying in bed.

Rose barges in and plants a kiss on my cheek, handing her precious Carly to me.

"Ha, she has another boy. Now nobody will have more girls than me. I mean, Jaz has confirmed you will have a boy, right? You are not going to steal the limelight by having two girls, right?"

"Jaz has indeed informed me that I will have a boy and he will be conceived in eleven days time."

"Okay, so that's the last we see of you and Edward for the next fortnight. I imagine Rylie will be staying with Granny Esme for her own sake?"

"Good idea. I need to pack her bag. Then we are going baby boy clothes shopping. You can get something for Joshua while we are there."

"Joshua? Cute. I wonder if those kids of his will grow up to be psychic, or whatever the heck Jasper is. How freaky if you never got to give your kids a birthday gift without them already knowing. Can't you just imagine Jacey whining at Alice when she's a teenager? And they seem to be at about ten years old nowadays.

'_Mom, I told you I wanted a neon pink iPod, not a black one. I'm not even opening this present. And you can forget me ever wearing that dress_!'

Freaky!"

"And what about the upside? She could tell what boys fancied her and who the ones who didn't, fancied instead. If she was after one boy who was thinking of someone else, she could scupper the potential relationship before it began."

"How?" Rose asked.

"Well, if the boy is thinking 'I just love Cinderella's long blond hair and the way she dresses so conservatively' then Jacey could befriend her, talk her into dyeing her hair black and having it cut off short, and manipulating her to start dressing like an emo. That should shatter his illusions."

"Nobody names their kid Cinderella," she replied.

"Ah, I beg to differ. You didn't see the birth notice for Jessica's and Mike's firstborn? Cinderella Michelle."

"Seriously? I hope she is a strong, independant woman because she will be getting crap for than name all her life. Where are the name police when you need them?"

"Come on, we have shopping to do. I feel a visit to the lingerie store is in order."

"Sure, let's go buy some pretty little negligees for Edward to rip to shreds in his effort to get to you," she sighed.


	15. Chapter 15

Safe

Chapter 15

Jacob Black's POV.

I stand in the shadows of the trees and watch from a distance.

Bella is skipping along the beach, backwards, laughing as a small, brown haired girl tries to catch her. She evades the child's hands and jumps sideways, then gives in and let's the little girl catch her and win.

Bella holds the child's hand up high and I can faintly hear her cry out the words.

"Rylie wins."

Rylie.

She may be my daughter.

If she is, she is truly even more of a miracle than they know.

On one hand, I want her to be. I want to know part of me will live on when I die.

On the other hand, it would mean I got to miss out on ever being there for my only child.

Her hair is softly brown but my father informed me years ago that she has hazel eyes, like my Mom, who I still remember. She was the first 'paleface' to ever marry a Quileute chief. I recall her pale white milky skin, and her short stature and limbs.

She could almost be this woman, running along the sand.

I'm sure my Mom would have loved to run like this; my twin sisters Rachel and Rebecca strapped to her and my Dad as I ran between them.

I can remember when it was just us; Billy, my Dad, Jolene, my Mother, and me. I remember my Dad being tall and strong and able bodied.

Openly loving with my Mom, even when she got enormous with the babies that would kill her.

I remember them laughing as he helped her up from the couch, and the times she got stuck there if he was out.

I remember the tender touch of her lips on my cheek.

She is the only woman I have ever trusted, and she let me down. She went off to the bedroom with the midwife and I was rushed away by some kindly neighbour, to fret and panic when I heard the screams coming from our house.

It was night time by the time Billy came for me.

"Has the baby be borned?" I asked, unsure how I felt about sharing my Mom's attention with an interloper.

"Yes, Jake. You have two little sisters," he said, so sadly I knew something was very wrong.

"Come here, Son. There's a new star in Heaven tonight, and we have to be strong and brave. Whenever you need to talk to your Mom, you just need to look up and see her shining down on us, and know how much she loves you, and will always love you."

Nobody loves you forever.

I looked up many times but the constant cloud cover hid the stars from me and anyway, I couldn't feel her there, with me. She was gone.

I shocked my dad and neighbours when he took me to meet my sisters for the first time.

"Why didn't she take them with her?" I asked, genuinely puzzled. Why would Mom leave us, yet burden us with these two red faced screaming infants?

We got gypped if someone had made a deal to take her and leave them instead. I wished they had died and she had stayed.

I grew up envying the other children, even when their Moms yelled at them, or washed their faces with her handkerchief dampened with her spit. I watched them try to wriggle free and escape and all I wanted was my Mom to be here to do that to me.

I envied boys being washed clean by spit.

How sad is that?

Edward is jogging steadily along the high water mark where the sea has washed up small debris. Like his wife, he has one of those baby slings strapped to his body, and like hers, it contains a baby of the age that can support it's own head.

Who am I kidding? I know exactly when they were born. Eight months, two weeks and three days ago. Billy sent me the birth announcement.

_Edward and Isabella Cullen proudly announce the arrival of their second set of twins, Amalie Marie (6lbs) and Edward Jasper (7 lbs 1 oz), sister and brother to Rylie Renesmee , aged 4, and her angel twin, Riley Edward, in Heaven._

Just another reminder of how my life could have been had I woken up and appreciated what I had, and cherished her like she deserved.

Edward rubs his hands over the infant's back as he runs and he is either talking or singing to it.

His baby has a pink beanie on it's head; hers has a blue one.

Another pigeon pair, a boy and a girl, thats exactly what they have been blessed with.

Clearly Bella carrying twins had not freaked the fuck out of him, but then, he didn't spend his whole life knowing personally how dangerous a double pregnancy could be. How fraught with danger and risk that not all three would emerge unscathed.

I'm grateful that if I fathered the older girl that at least I only put one viable baby inside Bella.

Dad called me when I returned from my honeymoon with Rosanna, my trophy wife.

back then I never saw things clearly.

Like the fact I never knew how much I loved Bella until she was gone. I did deserve to lose her but I never imagined I would.

I thought she would run to Cullen and he would take one look at her belly and send her packing, and she would see sense and get rid of the burden inside her and come home to me.

When that didn't happen, when Dad informed me Edward was marrying her, for God's sake, I'd turned to Rosa for comfort and she'd suggested I marry her daughter.

I may have lost the woman I loved, but I could still have all the trappings I'd wanted. It had seemed like a win/win. I mean, I honestly thought we could make it work.

Rosanna would be my wife in public, and Gianna's bedmate in private, leaving me free to discretely play the field.

I wanted a child but the lesbians do not want children, so that option is closed.

I go to sleep every night praying to wake up back in time. Even just back to the night Bella left, and instead of bullying her to get rid of that baby, I would take her in my arms, slip that ring back on her finger, forever this time, and marry her.

Come back home and struggle to make a living, but have her and my daughter to come home to every night to make life worth living.

Of course I would prefer to go back even further,to that night Bella was sixteen years and one day old, and instead of turning elsewhere when she informed me she was not ready to consummate our relationship yet, I would have waited.

All that meaningless sex had addled my brain.

Maybe if I had waited for her and spent more time with her; taught her baseball and to swim myself, he would never have gotten his hooks into her.

He was the smart one, always being there for her so she became completely dependant on him. Still, I never detected that she loved him. That went over my head completely. I thought she was fucking him like I was fucking the clients wives; with nothing but a physical release in mind.

I never connected with any woman apart from Bella, no matter how intimate I was with them, and I stupidly thought it was the same for her.

She said she loved me, so many times but I guess my actions killed that love.

Now when I think about what I asked her to do to save the company, I want to rip my own legs and arms off and burn myself on a bonfire.

How could I have ever thought money and possessions were worth sacrificing the woman I love?

I was completely dependant on the drugs by then and they had clearly fried my brain cells. I would have done anything to keep up the supply I needed.

I ruined the company with my addiction, and lost my One.

Rosa put me in rehab on our 'honeymoon', it wasn't like Rosanna and I had anything better to do together anyway. I was one of the lucky ones who never caved and needed a second visit.

I knew by then what I wanted. It may have been my second choice, but my first choice was no longer available. I wanted to play house with Rosanna and have children. I was drug free and would remain so, now I knew the drugs I had been addicted to could cause congenital malformations in my progeny.

I thank God that Rylie was unaffected.

She had been extremely premature, and that was one of the possible side effects of my addiction.

Bella looks up and sees me, and after a few minutes hesitation, she waves and starts walking towards me.

Edward runs up behind her and scoops Rylie onto his back, and stays put, not accompanying his wife as she approaches. Obviously he thinks he needs to protect the little girl from me. Maybe she has some telltale facial feature that will confirm my suspicions and let me know for sure that she is mine.

xxxx

BPOV

Seeing Jake again after all this time is kind of weird. To start with, his long silky hair is gone, cut very short now. It makes him look so different.

Serious.

Older.

Plainer.

I wonder if it was only his hair that got me into him in the first place.

I always thought he had the most beautiful hair I had ever seen on anyone, male or female.

His face is thinner, gaunt even.

He even looks paler, and he has dark black circles under his eyes.

"Jacob, hi," I say, and his eyes shine, as he takes one of my hands and pulls me up the sandhill.

"Bella," he replies, his eyes gazing into mine. He steps forward to hug me but the baby in the sling is in the way, so he awkwardly pats my arm instead and looks annoyed at my infant son.

"This is EJ."

He nods but he barely looks at our little miracle. Instead his eyes drift to where Rylie is playing tag with Edward down on the beach.

"She looks healthy. Is she? Billy told me about the struggle she went through to live. I wanted to come but I figured I wouldn't have been welcome."

"She's fine. After the first few horrible weeks, she never had a setback. Just kept growing and blossoming into the perfect little girl she is now. She's as smart as a whip, and keeps us on our toes with her never ending questions. She wants to be a doctor when she grows up. Like her Daddy."

"Could I meet her?" he asks.

I know Edward must be feeling less than thrilled at Jacob turning up here today, but it had to happen at some point.

"Sure," I reply and turn to wave at Edward.

"Jake wants to meet Rylie," I yell into the wind.

My daughter looks up and starts climbing the hill, pulling herself up through the sand by grabbing the tufts of long tough grass that dots the sandhill.

Edward watches us all, like a bodyguard.

Finally she is there beside me and I take her hands and brush the grains from them, as she looks at Jake questioningly, and he steps back, surprised at her big emerald green eyes.

I realize maybe Jacob has always thought she was his, but for us, we have known for ages that she isn't.

First her hair started to shine red in the sun, and we kind of took that as a sign, because surely a child of Jake's would have had hair that shone with black highlights, at least.

Then the hazel eyes changed, and all the brown was rapidly replaced with more and more green.

For Edward's birthday that year, I gave him the results of the paternity test Carlisle happily ran.

I know it never mattered to Edward because he truly was her father and loved her as such, but I was thrilled to have absolute proof to hand him.

"Nice to meet you, Rylie," Jake says but his eyes have dismissed her already.

He stares at me and shakes his head.

"All this could have been mine."

"Well, things worked out for the best. Your wife is beautiful, I am sure when you two have kids they will be gorgeous," I tell him.

"Yeah. Rosanna is not into kids. She has...other interests."

"Oh. But marrying her saved your company. That's good, right."

"Sure, I guess so. It gives Sam a reason to wake up every morning."

"How is he, Jake?"

"He's lonely. Sad, devastated. Your theory about other soulmates seems to have been wrong. He dated for a while last year but he couldn't handle it. None of them were Emily."

"I guess you and I are the lucky ones, then. We got our happy ever afters. Two out of three. That's probably as good as it gets."

"Yeah, as good as it gets," he repeats. "I really miss you, Bella."

I shrug, and smile at Edward and he starts climbing the sand hill towards us.

"We did grow up together, it's only natural," I reply. "but now we have moved on and found our true Ones and life is perfect."

Jacob leans forward and kisses my cheek as Edward gets closer. I can see Jake wants to avoid seeing the happiness that radiates between my husband and I, and our children.

"I have an appointment, I need to go, sorry," he says as he tunes his back and flees.

Edward walks to my side and takes my hand.

"So how is Jacob these days?" he asks, scooping Rylie back up onto his back again.

"No idea, really. He looks so much older now. And kind of sad, actually."

"Maybe money does not buy happiness after all," Edward replies.

"Who is Jacob, anyway?" our eldest daughter asks.

"Oh, just someone I used to know," I reply, and it's true. He's nothing and nobody to me now.

"Can we go visit Grampy Charlie?" she asks.

"Good idea," Edward answers her . "Maybe he would like to babysit you three grommets tonight so I could take your mother out for a civilized dinner for a change."

"What, don't you like having smashed up vegetables spitted at you by the babies?" she laughs. "I think it's funny."

"Sometimes I can think of more enjoyable pursuits I like to do with your Mother," he replies.

We walk to the car hand in hand, and after the kids are strapped inside safely, Edward pulls me into his arms.

"Thank you for choosing me, Bella," he whispers.

"Thank you for giving me this extraordinary life," I reply. "And thank you for choosing me."

"There never was a choice," he laughs.

"That's so very true," I agree, and we get into the car and head for Charlie's house so we can have a night alone. "We'll need to go home and change."

"Indeed," Edward replies. "That alone should take an hour or two," he says with a wink.

I smile back at him, eager to play some adult type games for a change.

"Really, the speed limit on this road is ridiculous. I wish we could drive faster."

THE END


End file.
